[INTERMISSION XXVIII] The Mikey & Stinky Show

SUMMARY

I ain’t ‘fraid of no ghosts.

TRANSCRIPT

Transcript by Theo and reviewed by Jenah

[BEGIN Intermission XXVIII.]

[The Mikey & Stinky Show theme plays.]

It’s time for an adventure
With the wackiest guys you know
Prepare yourself for hijinks
Get ready
It’s the Mikey & Stinky Show

[Radio tunes in and out until it starts playing The Grotto. We hear the interior ambience of a car in motion.]

MIKEY: Stinky, please stop playing with the radio. I need to focus, our turn is coming up.

STINKY: I thought you said you knew where we were going. This was your idea.

MIKEY: I do know where we’re going, I just don’t know exactly where we’re going. And the GPS has already told us to get out and walk once, so it’s not exactly reliable. So, could you please turn that off.

STINKY: Okay, fine, it’s off.

[Radio fades out.]

MIKEY: What even was that?

STINKY: I don’t know, some radio show. Ever since that QCODE Rafael Muslani audio drama, everyone thinks that they can make one.

GPS VOICE: Turn left. Then, turn bleft.

STINKY: [Huffs.] I hate this busted, old truck. It doesn’t even have a CD player.

MIKEY: Yeah, I wish one of us had that cassette adapter thingy, those things are neat.

STINKY: The only cassette I have is that Cutting Grass cassette that Skuzz gave me, and I didn’t bring that.

MIKEY: We’re not listening to Cutting Grass. Uh– Me and Skuzz are sort of feuding, because, you know, I was supposed to write the theme song for Jam’s podcast, and Skuzz stole it out from under me at the last minute.

STINKY: Does Skuzz know that you’re feuding? Uh, I just talked to them, and it didn’t come up.

MIKEY: Well, they know what they did.

STINKY: Also, maybe more importantly, does Shadow know that we took his truck?

MIKEY: If Shadow didn’t want us to use his truck, okay, then he wouldn’t make his keys so easy to find in the locked drawer at his desk. I mean, come on, all those desk drawers have the same key. I’ve got one; you’ve got one. You can’t just expect people not to poke around.

STINKY: Mikey, have you ever poked around in my stuff?

MIKEY: Why, are you worried about the diary entry where you have that dream where you keep taking the cowboy hat off, but it keeps reappearing on your head?

STINKY: Yes, actually! And that’s–! That’s totally not my fault. I-I made the mistake of telling Troy that we turn into Michael, or whatever, and so now he thinks I’m a cowboy, and he had his butler build, like, a whole room full of cowboy stuff for me to sleep in, and the nightlight says Clint Eastwood quotes in the middle of the night, and I’ve been having weird dreams. [Huffs.]

MIKEY: Well, I hope you get better soon, Stinky.

STINKY: [Sighs.] Why are we doing this again? Where are you taking us? We’re already in the middle of nowhere, and this isn’t a real road, it’s just a path that’s been flattened down.

MIKEY: Yeah, it’s been flattened down by cars, which is how roads are made.

STINKY: I think most roads are paved, actually…

MIKEY: Stinky, we are out here because I am testing a grand hypothesis. There is this mystery that’s been bothering me for a while now. I was talking to Chance about, and then something just [Snaps fingers.] clicked, like, the lightbulb turned on. You see, Stinky, we aren’t actually going to the middle of nowhere, we are going to the site of an experiment that Chance did with an imposter Mikey from the Compound while I was in Storage for 15 years, which is… a different story. I was digitizing some files about that experiment from Edgar, and I noticed some… peculiarities about the experiment.

STINKY: Mikey, I know that part of the story, I’m why you got taken out of Storage.

MIKEY: Yes, thank you for that. So, I was digitizing some files about that experiment for Edgar, and I noticed some… peculiarities about the experiment. [GPS VOICE: Turn bleft. Your destination will be on the bleft.] You see, the experiment consisted of two parts. The first part was that Chance and the imposter duplicated an old building on the outskirts of Oldbrush Valley, using a spreadsheet that Edgar cooked up to calculate and correct structural issues. So far, so good. Totally normal experiment. Then, step two was to insert a basement under the new structure, like Edgar did with his cabin at O.V.E.R.

STINKY: That also sounds like a perfectly normal experiment. So, what’s special about any of that?

MIKEY: Well, I was talking to Chance, and he said that they didn’t go in the basement because the imposter was scared of ghosts? Like some kinda loser? And so I started looking into, like, what this basement was. Edgar, in his infinite wisdom, put together the transport sequence that put the basement under the building. His notes were very clear. He copied and pasted the basement exactly from the experiment that he did on his cabin. He copied that basement exactly.

STINKY: Okay, so there’s another basement like Edgar’s basement that is… uninhabited, and we’re going to… turn it into a skatepark.

MIKEY: Stinky, you know the rules. We asked Edgar if we could get a skateboard, and he started yelling about my bones, so no skateboarding. I need you to think laterally.

STINKY: Well, I need you to stop calling me Stinky.

MIKEY: No deal. [Car stops.] And it doesn’t matter now, because we are here, and I can just show you. So, get out.

[We hear the car doors open, then close.]

[Outdoor ambience. We hear them start walking through vegetation.]

STINKY: Okay, so you said that this imposter Mikey was scared of… ghosts? So he didn’t go in the basement? A-Are you saying that it’s unsafe to go down there?

MIKEY: Stinky, I ain’t ‘fraid of no ghosts! We’ll be fine, we’re just popping in and out. And if the basement falls in on us, then someone will discover that we’re missing and issue a correction. We just went through this when Nobody killed us, remember?

STINKY: I do remember, we almost got eradicated! Did you even tell anyone where we’re going!?

MIKEY: Stinky, have you been paying attention? Of course I didn’t tell anyone where we’re going, because no one can know that we have Shadow’s truck, because I didn’t ask him. So… [They stop walking.] are you ready?

[Door opens.]

STINKY: No, I wanna go home. Troy just redid his whole trampoline room, and it’s awesome, and I don’t wanna die!

MIKEY: Well, too bad, I’m not taking no for an answer.

STINKY: Ugh, fine!

[Door closes. There is a slight echo.]

MIKEY: …Alright. Great, it looks just like I thought it did, which means, if my deductions are correct, then we should find…

[We hear salamanders barking.]

MIKEY: No way! I was right! They’re actually here!

STINKY: I– I’m… confused. We came here for… lizards?

MIKEY: Stinky! His parents! If he was born here, then his parents should be here.

STINKY: This is about the s-stupid song we made at Troy’s house?

MIKEY: I found the salamander’s parents, Stinky! I– I knew it! I knew they weren’t dead! Edgar didn’t know that they were down here, and when he did the experiment, he accidentally transported them through time and space, and into the wrong basement! …Okay. Hey, uh, i-it’s alright. My name is Mikey Walters. This is my associate, Stinky. Uh, I know your son, Francis. Uh, something terrible happened, a big accident, don’t worry, he’s okay, but we accidentally separated him from you. And he misses you so much. But, if you come with me, I can bring you back to your son, uh, back where you belong. Does that makes sense?

[The salamanders bark.]

MIKEY: [Sighs.] I’m so relieved. Ugh, thinking that they were dead was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. U-Uh, come on, let’s get you guys out of here. Uh. Is– Stinky, are you good to drive? I didn’t bring anything to put them in, so I’ve gotta kinda hold onto them the whole way.

STINKY: Ugh, anything to get us out of here, Mikey. It’s way to wet down here. I can feel the mold in my lungs.

MIKEY: Would you like to… lick the walls before we leave?

STINKY: I would not.

MIKEY: Suit yourself. Francis is gonna be so excited; I’ll text him and let him know that we’re coming. …Come on. We had better get back before Shadow reports his truck stolen.

[The Mikey & Stinky Show theme plays.]

It’s time for an adventure
With the wackiest guys you know
Prepare yourself for hijinks
Get ready
It’s the Mikey & Stinky Show

[END Intermission XXVIII.]