144: The Showdown In The Shadow Dome

SUMMARY

Today has been a bad day for plates…

TRANSCRIPT

Original transcript edited by Theo and Karma and reviewed by Jenah

[BEGIN Episode 144.]

INTRO: Hey, guys. Quick plugs. Welcome to the WOE.BEGONE Season 12 finale. A lot of people worked very hard on it, and I am very excited to bring it to you. There will be an intermission next week, and then Season 13 will start in two weeks. In the meantime, you can check me out on Twitch at twitch.tv/woebegonepod, where every week, I write that week’s episode soundtrack, and then we usually hang out and play a video game. This past week, we wrote all of the music that you’ll hear in this episode. A lot of the in-jokes that I have with chat end up making it into the soundtrack, so if you’d like to see that process, check it out at twitch.tv/woebegonepod. And if you’d like to support the show, you can do so at Patreon at patreon.com/woe_begone, where you can get early access to ad-free episodes, instrumentals, soundtrack albums, Q&As, director’s commentaries, Movies with Michael, postcards, and more. $5-and-up patrons get Bandcamp download codes for the albums that appear on streaming services, but $1-and-up patrons get access to the raw instrumental soundtracks for each episode as well as the vocal tracks. So if you hear something that you like from this episode, and you want to hear it again, check out patreon.com/woe_begone. Special thanks to my 10 newest patrons: [REDACTED] for supporting the show. Enjoy.

[We hear the sound of the Trunk elevator going down.]

TY [panicked]: Cole, let me make this as clear to you as I possibly can. You are never to speak to another living soul about the existence of this elevator or the room that we are heading into, under any circumstances. That means other Tys Betteridge. Ah–! Especially other Tys, even. And especially not that monster that is your project lead. [Under his breath.] Mahogany would have my head on a plate if he knew about this. [Normal volume.] That means Kasimieras. He does not know that this place exists, and I would like to keep it that way. Do you understand me?

COLE: Yeah, no problem. I… won’t tell anyone. You have my word. But… if secrecy is so important, why are you asking for my help at all?

TY: Because, Cole, I seem to have got myself into a bit of a bind. Things have gone out of my control, and I cannot ask the other Tys for help. I need to fix this before anybody notices. And you’re the only one with the expertise to help me.

COLE: And why is he here? Doesn’t he work with the other Tys? I’d be worried that he’d be the one to tattle on you.

TY: He does have a name, you know. Felix is here to assist me. Aren’t you, Fe?

FELIX: I tried to help, but my coding knowledge is… well.

TY: [Scoffs.] Nonexistent. Don’t ask him what he did with Excel.

FELIX: He really does need your help, Cole. He wouldn’t have asked otherwise. As for me, well, I have a… sort of code of honor that I follow when dealing with the Tys. They come to me with confidence, and I do not pass information about them to each other unless I am asked or told to do so. Their secrets are safe with me, and they know that.

TY: That code of honor has prevented many an interdepartmental war in its day.

FELIX: My job is to keep the place ticking over. No wars.

[Elevator stops.]

TY: Here we are! Please ignore the mess. I may have thrown an office chair or two once I realized what was going on. …Then the cabinet… and the chest of drawers. And, uh, yes, uh, don’t ask about those light fittings? …Well, welcome to the Trunk, Cole. This is the secret emergency headquarters for all Tys Betteridge. Every single workstation is plugged into this facility, which allows all of us to cooperate remotely in times of crisis. The Compound forbids us from actually talking to one another, so we use this room as a way to interface with each other. That, and Felix, but… Mm, we’ll not go there. It keeps problems from getting large enough that Kas has to get involved.

COLE: So, what problem are we hiding from your boss today?

TY: Hmm… Right over here, you will see that we have an array of surveillance monitors. It allows us to survey the Compound, of course, but the screen that is of interest to us today is right here. These cameras monitor the geodesic Dome that the Base has been operating out of ever since we brought them into the Compound.

COLE: You brought Base… into the Compound. They work for you?

TY: “Work” is a strong word, but, uh, yes. I’m surprised that you didn’t know this; you haven’t talked to them since you took a job here?

COLE: Nope. I assumed they wouldn’t wanna hear from me.

FELIX: You assumed correctly; you’re something of a traitor to them.

COLE: Believe me, I’m fine with it.

TY: I am the Ty that ensures that existence inside of the Dome runs smoothly. These monitors are connected to the monitors that I use to watch them from my office. Everything that I am able to do from my office, I can do here as well.

COLE: Everything looks normal to me. [Pause.] Well, Marissa is chasing after Edgar with a two-by-four. Is that normal?

FELIX: Oh, entirely normal. I imagine that a board game has recently concluded.

TY: Yes, everything is going well inside the Dome, all thanks to me. Everything looks perfectly normal… until you cycle to the end of the surveillance cameras. Look, watch. Watch, uh… [Quietly.] Yeah? Yep? Yep? Yep– Oof… Twinks. Uh… [Normal volume.] And voila! Look at that. There are some new cameras that were not there yesterday!

COLE: These are night-vision cameras. Is this recording footage from the Dome at night?

TY: That is not, in fact, footage of this Dome. As you can see in the Dome surveillance footage, there are some large Boulders near the edge of the dome. You’re familiar with the Boulders from O.V.E.R., I presume?

COLE: I am. Though I can’t say I understand how they work.

TY: Ah! That’s alright, you do not need to understand. Uh, because, as you can see in the night-vision footage… the Boulders are gone.

FELIX: Mm… There aren’t any members of the Base in the night-vision footage, either.

COLE: So you’re saying this isn’t the same Dome.

TY: You would be correct. This is live surveillance footage of some other Dome. One that was not there yesterday.

COLE: I’m not sure I understand. The buildings are still there. Do you think that someone iterated the Dome?

TY: That is exactly what we think, Cole. Very clever; we were right to come to you for help. It’s, uh, in its infancy, but we have been practicing some anti-duplication maneuvers on important assets. This Dome seems to contain everything that the original Dome has, minus those assets.

COLE: Interesting. If I were to guess, I would say that this was a failed attempt to steal the Boulders from you. That doesn’t explain the cameras, though. Why would someone go through all the trouble of attempting to steal from you, and then broadcast the theft? You came into your office this morning, and all these cameras were suddenly in your feed.

TY: Ah! Yes. Well, that’s just the thing. The camera feeds didn’t pop up on my computer in my office. If you go upstairs to my desk, you will only see the cameras that are pointed at the original Dome. The night-vision feed of the other Dome is only accessible in the Trunk.

FELIX: As far as I’m aware, no one else has been in the Trunk in the last 24 hours. The new Dome could have popped up any time since then.

TY: I only just noticed. Once I saw what was going on, I rushed back upstairs to retrieve you and Felix.

COLE: You have quite the mystery on your hands, but you haven’t explained to me what you want me to do about it.

TY: You first appeared on the Compound’s radar when you used your uncanny coding ability to throw together a rudimentary tracing program for the Base in a matter of days. We need such a tracing program to get to the bottom of this mystery. Uh, the problem is… we can’t approach Tracing, and ask them to find a location for us. [Scornfully.] Beige… [Huffs under his breath.] Beige. [Normal volume.] You know, some colors are so much like their owners. The problem is, Beige has been dying to report me to Kas for ages, and he would report me straight up that ladder! He’s such a careerist! Ugh! Brown-noser! So, Cole, could you be a dear, and see if you could trace the location of this new Dome for me? And, if possible, could you determine why there is a camera feed of this new Dome being piped into the Trunk?

COLE: That doesn’t sound too difficult. But what do I get out of this? I don’t work for free.

TY: In return for your services, I will ensure that you are treated well within the Compound.

FELIX: Ty, let’s not mess around. Cole? If you do this for us and keep your trap shut, we won’t kill you. Alright?

TY: Fe! I was trying to be polite. I really must talk to you about the definition of tact. He’s right, of course. But I’m feeling generous, so I’ll offer you the carrot and the stick. In return for this work, I will accommodate any reasonable request that you might have. …And I won’t kill you.

COLE [sarcastically]: Right… How utterly generous of you.

TY: My, yes. I am quite generous, aren’t I? Now, I hate to bark orders and run, but I need to go check on the original Dome. I haven’t heard from them since the incident, and I’m interested to see if they’ve noticed anything. Fe here can babysit you until I get back.

FELIX: I’m here to ensure there isn’t any… funny business.

TY: Precisely. I will leave you to your work now. Do try to have some answers for me upon my return. Toodle pip!

COLE: No problem. I’ll try my best.

TY: Watch him, Fe!

[Elevator door opens.]

FELIX: See ya, boss.

[We hear the elevator door close and the fast clacking of a computer keyboard.]

COLE: How do you work for that guy?

FELIX: One, I’m quite fond of him. Two, I have the patience of a saint.

[Keyboard clacking stop.]

[Opening theme plays.]

[The doorbell rings at Base. Edgar opens the door.]

EDGAR: Ty! It’s great to see you! I hope that you’re here for the reasons that I think you are. Something has happened.

MARISSA [shouting from inside]: That better be Ty Fucking Betteridge out there, or I swear to god! No one’s allowed to hurt Mikey except for me!

TY [slightly intimidated]: …Lovely as ever to see you, Edgar. Uh, is it safe to come in?

EDGAR: I think that would be for the best. Please, come in.

[Door closes.]

TY: Hello. Everyone. Good to see you… Marissa, [MARISSA (shouting): Ty Fucking Betteridge! (In Cantonese.) Ngo⁵ daa² sie² nei⁵! (我打死你!)] Edgar, Ryan, Chris–

[A plate smashes against the wall. Ty makes a noise, dodging.]

MARISSA [shouting]: Where’s Mikey, you rat-faced fucker!?

TY: What do you mean, “Where is Mikey”? Mikey is supposed to be right here, in the Dome.

MARISSA [heated]: Don’t you fucking play games with me right now, Ty. You know damn well that he’s not here. I am sick and tired of your bullshit! And I want answers now. Where the fuck is he? What did you do to him?

SHADOW: Michael and MW are missing, too.

MARISSA: Don’t play into his fucking mind games, Ryan. He already knows.

CHANCE: I don’t think so, Marissa. Ty doesn’t usually play dumb.

TY: Chris is right, Marissa. Playing dumb doesn’t suit me; do I look like a himbo? And I would never lie to you! Unless it was in the service of protecting some very valuable data… Lying is such a messy business. Too much to keep track of. You are saying that all of the Mikes have disappeared?

EDGAR: We searched the entire Dome for them. They aren’t here. Mikey went to the shed to talk to MW and Michael. Hours later, I noticed that he hadn’t returned. I went out to the shed, and it was empty. We searched the rest of the Dome, and they were nowhere to be found.

TY: That is quite troubling, Edgar. I assure you that the Compound is not involved in their disappearance. There has been an anomaly of some sort that I suspect might be related. Did any of you notice anything… peculiar inside of the Dome today?

CHANCE: Maybe? Ryan and I felt the ground shake a few hours ago while we were in the kitchen? It was barely enough to notice, but it startled me enough that I dropped a plate and shattered it.

SHADOW: Don’t lie to protect me, Chris. I got startled and dropped the plate.

CHANCE: [Huffs.] Okay, fine. Ryan did drop the plate, but there was a shake.

TY: And all of the Mikes disappeared shortly after this miniature earthquake?

CHANCE: There’s no way for us to tell. We didn’t think anything of it at the time. You’re always altering things. We thought it was just more of that. We didn’t notice until later that the Mikes were gone.

TY: Interesting… Your account lines up with the anomaly that I came to speak with you about. It seems as though there may have been an attack on the Dome from some outside force. It seems to coincide with their disappearance.

MARISSA: What’s going on here, Ty? Is it Operose? O.V.E.R.? You got five seconds to start spittin’ out truths, or else you’ll be spittin’ out tooths– Teeth! Fuck.

TY: It… appears… that someone was attempting to steal you away from me. There was a failed duplication of the Dome. The anti-duplication technology that I have installed here at the Base seems to have protected you, but not the Mikes who were all in the shed.

EDGAR: They’ve been kidnapped!?

TY: Not to worry, though! Recovery efforts are already underway; I have tasked a tracing expert with locating the duplicated Dome. Recovering the Mikes will be as easy as… sending a team in to retrieve them.

MARISSA [sarcastic]: Oh! Thank god. You hear that, everyone? He’s putting together a team. Can’t wait to see how an army of Tys fucks this up even more.

SHADOW: Please tell this team of yours to hurry, Ty. Every second counts in a missing persons case.

CHANCE: [Sighs.] He means us, babe. He’s gonna send us into the other Dome to retrieve the Mikes.

TY: [Chortles.] Precisely. I must warn you, though, the limited intel I have about the new Dome indicates that it was severely damaged during duplication. The lights are out, and it is safe to assume that there are myriad other electrical failures. It will be a dangerous mission, but nothing that the four of you can’t manage? I will equip you to handle whatever you might encounter in there. …There is one more thing, though.

MARISSA: [Dragging the first syllable.] And, there is it.

TY: There is a hidden control panel in the Dome that contains an exploit that would grant our enemies access to sensitive locations inside the Compound. I need you to locate that panel, and destroy it.

MARISSA: Oh! Sir, yes, sir! Absolutely, sir, right away! …Ya want us to… spit shine your shoes, while we’re at it? Do your laundry? Do you want us to compost the shitheap you’re making us cover up, or should we just dump it in someone else’s yard instead? Because… that’s what this all is, right? This is another one of your little fuckups, and as usual, you’re making someone else take out the trash. So, tell me! If we’re out there getting our hands dirty for you, what the fuck are we gonna get in return?

TY: [Huffs.] People keep asking me that today… How about this. In exchange for your cooperation, I will continue to allow you to live peacefully within the Dome.

MARISSA: [Makes a buzzer sound.] Wrong answer! Come on, Ty. Give us the good shit, or I start throwing plates again.

CHANCE: No, Marissa, you have to stop throwing plates! We’ve already lost two of them today, and we’re gonna run out before dinner.

SHADOW: Today has been a bad day for plates.

TY: [Snaps fingers.] Here’s an idea. If you rescue the Mikes, and destroy that pesky control panel, I will see to it that the Base becomes fully incorporated into the Compound. No more living in this fancy snow globe? You’ll be promoted to a standalone department inside the Compound. Headed up by yours truly, naturally.

EDGAR: You’re asking us to join the Compound as employees.

TY: Fully-fledged employees, with all of the benefits that entails. The job comes with a lot more freedom than what you have become accustomed to. You wouldn’t be stuck inside the Compound anymore; you can go and visit your friends and loved ones on holiday! Marissa, I know you’ve been vocally complaining about not being able to visit Charlie, a–

MARISSA: You keep her name out of your fuckin’ mouth.

TY: Ah–! The Compound takes pride in how it treats its employees. Take Felix for example. He even went to EuroDisney this year, and had a marvelous time! Yeah! I think you would all be happier, so… what do you say?

MARISSA: Alright. I’m killin’ him.

CHANCE [warning]: Marissa, put the plate down.

EDGAR: If we kill him, the Compound will just replace him with another Ty.

TY: Edgar is exactly right. And not necessarily one that is on your side. So do we have a deal?

EDGAR: We have a deal, Ty. You had better not double-cross us.

TY: I am a man of my word, Edgar. I would never break an arrangement like that. So, I’m glad that we were able to reach such an agreement? And… I must attend to some other business just now, but after that I will begin preparing your mission; there will be spreadsheets. But it’ll be a breeze. The four of you will be in the field, and your satellite team inside O.V.E.R. will be providing over-the-air support.

MARISSA: [Groans.] Not those idiots again.

TY: Very capable idiots, Marissa. They’ve gotten the better of Base on numerous occasions in previous timelines. And they provide a valuable service. I wouldn’t want to lose any more of you in there. [Pause.] Well! It has been great fun, but I must run. I’ll have Felix deliver some more plates. Ta ta!

[Time travel noise.]

[Scene transition.]

[The Trunk elevator goes down.]

COLE: So, is there only one Felix who works for all of the Tys? [Chuckle.] That would sound exhausting even if it wasn’t Ty you were dealing with.

FELIX: [Laughs.] Interesting thing about that, actually. You see, at one point there were three–

[Elevator door opens.]

TY: I have returned! [Sighs.] Things are in even greater disarray than I had initially thought, I’m afraid. Ugh! …Nevermind all of that, though; that doesn’t concern you, Cole; now, do you have anything for me?

COLE: Sure do. It wasn’t any problem tracing the Dark Dome. I got a location pretty fast.

FELIX: Oh! I-It’s called “The Dark Dome” now; we called it that when you were gone.

TY: Alright, then? [Under his breath.] Hmm, Dark Dome, yeah. [Normal volume.] Where is this “Dark Dome”?

COLE: I was sort of surprised. You made it sound like someone stole the Dark Dome from the Compound. So I assumed that it would be located in some other time travel organization. But after running the trace, and double checking the results, I discovered that the Dark Dome still appears to be on the Compound’s campus.

TY: You– Within the Compound!? Where!?

COLE: I mean, I can give you the coordinates. I don’t know anything about the Compound except for what is in my department, and it isn’t there. I don’t know what this building is normally used for, and Felix won’t tell me.

FELIX: Need-to-know basis only. Ty, we’ll talk about it later.

TY: Well… That is definitely not the news that I expected to hear, but I am relieved that you were able to trace it. Did you figure anything out regarding the cameras?

COLE: That one wasn’t really a mystery after I discovered that the Dark Dome is inside of the Compound. Right? So it was trivial for someone to connect the cameras to the network with the other cameras. Someone must have come down here to the Trunk, and put them on the network. Then they made it so that they are invisible to other computers on the network!

FELIX: Perhaps there’s another Ty that could do something like that.

COLE: Well, you did tell me that only Tys know about this place. Maybe you aren’t the only Ty who’s meddling.

TY: Meddling? I’m doing my duty as the project lead of the Dome!

COLE: Well, whoever did put the cameras in the feed did it from outside of the Trunk. I can’t trace it back to any of the other workstations.

TY: [Huffs.] I hate how clever we are sometimes. But that’s a vital clue! Thank you, Cole. I knew that I was right to enlist you; your services have been incredibly valuable.

COLE: Glad I could help.

TY: And that is all that we needed you for, so our next priority should be getting you out of here. You will find a care package in your inbox in the coming days as a thank you for your services. And now, follow me; we will exit the Trunk, and part ways. You will return to your department; you will speak of this to no one. Felix, we will reconvene in private, and discuss the particulars. Some new information has come to light that needs to be discussed immediately. 

[Ty pushes the elevator button. The elevator doors open.]

FELIX: Right, you are. Thank you again for your services, Cole.

COLE: No problem. Let me know, uh, if you ever need to hack into the mainframe again.

TY: That we will.

[Scene transition.]

[A shower is running, then turns off.]

LIEUTENANT: [Sighs.] Feels so much better. How’d I get dried blood in my ears? [Pause.] Alright. Time to think, Lieutenant. They want a story. Whatchu gonna tell ’em? Cause you cain’t tell ’em that ya killed Mikey and Emdubya. Maybe, uh… they’re… still… stuck in the Dome. Yeah. Yeah… Alright.

[A cell phone dials.]

LIEUTENANT2 [faintly through the cell phone]: Hello?

LIEUTENANT: Howdy there, Lieutenant! Remember me? It’s your old Lieutenant callin’. Well, I ain’t the Lieutenant no more, you are. It’s Michael now. Or, uh, it’s gonna be soon enough. Listen. I took care of that Mikey and Emdubya iterations what was followin’ me around. They were suspicious of me when we got to the trunk, but they didn’t catch on in time. I killed ’em, and dumped ’em out in the middle o’ nowhere. Weren’t no problem.

LIEUTENANT2 [through the cell phone]: Glad to hear that, Michael. Where are ya now?

LIEUTENANT: I’m at the apartment in Riga gettin’ my Michael costume together. Ya think I should go with the green plaid or the red plaid?

LIEUTENANT2 [through the cell phone]: Either. Ya gotta grab the deerskin jacket if ya really wanna look the part.

LIEUTENANT: That’s a good point, so… deerskin jacket, and I’m definitely grabbin’ this here belt buckle. I missed this junk. [Pause.] Hey, Lieutenant, can ya do me a big favor? Consider it your first order o’ business in your new job. When I wrap up here, I’m gonna need me a ride to the Sidewinder. Think you can help out an old friend? I ain’t got a Calculator, so… Otherwise, I’m gonna have to walk all the way to Montana from here.

LIEUTENANT2 [through the cell phone]: Yeah, I can do that.

LIEUTENANT: I can make it worth your while, o’ course. After the Sidewinder, I’m headin’ to Texas to finish this whole Michael business. And I can walk all o’ them folks right into that new Dome just for you. You can pick ’em up, and take ’em to Operose, or you can let ’em boil in there. Don’t bother me none, as long as you let me and Sly go.

LIEUTENANT2 [through the cell phone]: I’ll have to run it by Eagle, but… I think we got a deal, Michael.

LIEUTENANT: Thanks, buddy. I gotta wrap up here, and then I’ll give ya a call. Congrats on the new job. I know I left the place in capable hands. Take care o’ yourself. And say howdy to MDawg for me. Alright, bye.

[The call disconnects.]

LIEUTENANT: Alright, got that taken care of. [He shuffles through Michael’s paperwork.] Let’s see if I can find that journal o’ yours, Michael. See if you ever wrote about your old pal, Lieutenant. Ah, here it is. Alright. Uhuh– Yup. Uh… There we are. [He flips through several pages.] Last journal entry ‘fore he went into the Dome. Look at me there, star of the show. I’ll be takin’ this with me. Guess what I should do is burn it.

[There’s a knock at the door.]

LIEUTENANT: What in the Sam Hill? [BORIS (muffled, from the other side of the door): Hello? Is someone in apartment? I hear water running.] Shit. Boris. Of course he heard me. Ugh. Couldn’t mind his own business for even a second. [BORIS (muffled): I hear person inside apartment! Open door, or I will open door myself! I have big gun for intruder!] Ugh. Why won’t you go away, pard? I don’t wanna have to hurtcha. [BORIS (muffled): I have key to door! I open door now!] [Sighs.] It’s okay. It’ll be easy. Just… open the door, shoot Boris, and drag him inside. You can do this, Lieutenant… M-Michael. You can do this, Michael. Cain’t leave no witnesses.

[Door opens.]

BORIS: Michael? Why… do you point pistol at me? [Friendly.] Do you not recognize Boris? It’s your landlord!

LIEUTENANT: My bad, Boris. Weren’t expectin’ no one. Ya scared the hell out o’ me! I was in the other room gettin’ dressed. Couldn’t tell who it was at the door, and… I weren’t expecting company. What’s goin’ on, partner? Why are ya standin’ at my door with a shotgun in your hands and a dead boar slung across your shoulders?

BORIS: I just returned from a hunt. I hear water running from inside the apartment. I was worried that a pipe burst, or… But then I heard footsteps. So, then I worry about intruder.

LIEUTENANT: [Short huff.] Well, safe to say there ain’t no intruder, pard. Just little ol’ me. Me and the rest of the Mikes have been away for work. Cain’t say more than that. We’re still away for work, actually. I just stopped by to grab some things, and be on my way.

BORIS: Apartment will wait. It’s, uh, here whenever you need it. Do not worry. You are always welcome here.

LIEUTENANT: Why, that’s mighty kind o’ ya, Boris.

BORIS: Do you want half of boar? You can take it back with you, of course.

LIEUTENANT: You ain’t gotta do all the work o’ butcherin’ that thing for me, Boris.

BORIS: Nonsense. We will butcher boar in the kitchen, and then Boris will be on his way. Then you have supplies to take back with you. This works, no?

LIEUTENANT: [Hesitant.] That’s… Alright, fine, Boris. We’ll butcher the boar in my kitchen. Come on in, and we’ll get everything set up. [Door closes. They walk to the kitchen.] And don’t mind the mess. Don’t know who tore up the livin’ room like this. Must o’ been one of the other Mikes lookin’ for somethin’. …Alright, we can set it down right here. Let me help you with that. One, two, three, hup! [The boar lands on the tabletop with a thud.] Gotta hand it to ya, Boris. This boar is a biggun. [He pats the boar.] What’s the story behind ‘im?

BORIS: Oh, I wish you had been there this morning so that you could come with me. I needed a second pair of eyes. I did not see this one coming until it was almost too late! He charged right at me! I was lucky to aim shotgun in time. [Laughs.] This could have been the end of poor Boris.

LIEUTENANT: Well, you’re right about that, pard. I woulda had your back. Maybe I’ll get to tag along next time. Uh, can you pass me that knife, please.

[They are heard using the kitchen to butcher the boar for the rest of this scene.]

BORIS: Here you are. So, uh… How about you, cowboy? You have been through a lot, yes? You have been in a war.

LIEUTENANT: …What makes ya say that?

BORIS: You have look in your eyes of someone who has returned from war. You… think about past more than the present.

LIEUTENANT: Well, you’re right, you know? I have been at war. And I wish I could tell ya everything I been through, but… some things gotta remain secret. Gotta protect myself and my flock.

BORIS: I understand. You have your secrets. Protect yourself, cowboy. And, uh… protect Michael for me?

LIEUTENANT: U-Uh, I, uh… Uh, I’m not sure I catch your drift, Boris. [Stammers.] I’m Michael.

BORIS: You are a Michael, but, uh… you are not the Michael that lives in this apartment. You are a… a “brother” of Michael, like Mike is “brother” of you. You are here for his belongings, yes? I see you have his journal in your back pocket.

LIEUTENANT: I didn’t wanna lie to you, pard, I just… didn’t want to spook ya, neither. I was scared you wouldn’t understand.

BORIS: There is a… a photo of Michael with blond man on the desk in his room. He loves that picture; you should bring it to him. It will make him feel… like he’s at home. Even though he is at war.

LIEUTENANT: That’s mighty thoughtful of you, Boris. I think I’ll do that.

BORIS: Fresh meat helps as well. And tell him that the crows in the courtyard miss him! I try to feed crows, but they… do not like Boris. They swoop and… and peck at me, because… they do not trust me. They think I… [Playful.] I have done something to Michael.

LIEUTENANT: Well, you can tell them crows that Michael’s doin’ just fine. [Brief chuckle.] I bet he’ll get a kick out o’ that story. He misses them crows just as fierce as they miss him. 

BORIS: [Fully drops trusting demeanor.] …I do not know you, cowboy. You claimed to be Michael. I do not know why you lied, because… I do not know you. I know other Michael cowboys who are not Michael cowboy, but you are not one of them. I do not know what you intend to do, or if you intend to go to Michael at all. I want you to know that I care deeply about my Michael. I will protect him. He must never come to harm. Do you understand me? Strange cowboy?

LIEUTENANT: [Light huff.] I know exactly what you’re sayin’.

BORIS: Good. Hand me that… uh, what is, uh, called, knife to cut through bone?

LIEUTENANT: The cleaver.

BORIS: That is it. Hand me the cleaver, please.

LIEUTENANT [stammering]: Uh, yeah… Sure…

BORIS: Thank you. [Pause.] These weapons, the knives and the shotgun. They can be used for… more than just killing and butchering boar. [He chops with the cleaver.] Do you understand this, cowboy?

LIEUTENANT: …I don’t want no trouble. Boris.

BORIS: I know what to do when an animal is charging at me. Do you understand what I am saying?

LIEUTENANT: I understand ya, partner.

BORIS: I am glad you understand. Boris does not want trouble, either, but… I will put end to trouble.

LIEUTENANT: Loud and clear, boss.

[The conversation returns to a less tense tone.]

BORIS: …So, tell me, my friend. Does MW still use revolver I gave him as a parting gift?

LIEUTENANT: Oh, yeah. He loves that Colt Python. He’ll come up with any excuse to use it. He keeps it holstered with him everywhere he goes.

BORIS: That is good news. Pistol he was using before was, uh, puny and ineffective. I miss MW. Bruno miss MW. He will claw at the door when we would walk by apartment? I explain to him that MW’s not in there, but, uh… he does not understand. He… He’s a stupid dog.

LIEUTENANT: Dumb as the day is long. Be sure to pet him for me.

[Scene transition.]

[Barroom ambiance. Honky tonk music, pool, and glasses clinking.]

[A cell phone buzzes.]

JAMILLA: That’s Hunter. Hopefully he has more information this time.

SLY: I still don’t like that you’re keepin’ in touch with that guy, Jam. After all he did to us.

MATT: Seriously! He’s scary, and he didn’t even do anything to me.

JAMILLA: Oh, please. Hunter Jeremiah Hartley isn’t scary. Sure, H was a giant pain in the ass in another time, and he almost made Mike Walters go extinct. But that’s not the Hunter I know. The Hunter I know is sweet and… innocent… and kind. And he’s doing us a solid by telling us all of this, so I say he gets a pass.

SLY: All that’s fine and dandy, Jam. But you didn’t have to spend your whole timeline cooped up with three iterations of yourself. And you didn’t have to hang out with him and his war buddy, Eagle. Ugh. I still get the shivers thinkin’ about it.

JAMILLA: He’s a work acquaintance. It’s important to keep work relationships solid. You never know when it might pay off. Like right now, for instance. He’s our only line into this kinda stuff.

MATT: What’s he saying? Did he elaborate on the O.V.E.R. stuff?

JAMILLA: He did. This text is a long one. According to Hunter, O.V.E.R. received notification of a button press from somewhere inside of the Compound. Not at O.V.E.R., the Compound, which is… extremely strange.

MATT: Mikey had a button, I think? But I don’t know how they work.

JAMILLA: None of us really know how it works. Everyone who works at O.V.E.R. is issued an emergency button that we are essentially told never to press. The handbook says that it is not for textbook emergencies, up to and including your imminent death. I’ve never met anyone who has pushed the button. If someone pressed their button, and O.V.E.R. is taking the response seriously, that means that there is actually an emergency, maybe one that we don’t have the insight to understand. Something interorganizational is happening. According to Hunter, while O.V.E.R. is running around trying to figure out this button situation, the Compound is reporting that there has been a failed “duplication” of the Dome that the Base is inside of. The failed duplication created a “Shadow Dome.” His words, not mine.

MATT: Woah, “Shadow Dome” sounds cool as hell.

JAMILLA: Well it isn’t cool as hell, because it appears that all three of the Mikes inside the Dome have disappeared and been transported inside. The report about the button and the report about the Shadow Dome came in at nearly the same time.

MATT: Mikey’s got a button. Do you think that maybe they got trapped inside the Shadow Dome, and he pushed the button in order to alert someone to come rescue them?

SLY: Are you sayin’ there’s a version of my Big Bear trapped in that… Shadow Dome?

JAMILLA: That appears to be the case. Yes.

SLY: Well, then what are we standin’ around here for? We gotta bust ’em out of there pronto!

MATT: Sly, we don’t know where the Shadow Dome is, or whether it’s safe for us to go there.  Did Hunter say where it was, Jam?

JAMILLA: He did not. I’m… not sure how we would go about figuring that out.

SLY: We can’t just sit here! [Distressed.] …I’m gonna go get my shotgun from the back.

MATT: Don’t get your shotgun, Sly. There are patrons in here. What if Bill saw you sitting at the bar with a shotgun?

SLY: Oh, Bill’s seen worse than that. I got stories about that feller for days.

JAMILLA: We could try to cooperate with Hunter and the Compound. They seem to have a plan to retrieve them. Maybe we can help with that.

MATT: I don’t mean to sound callous here but… is this even that big a deal? These are Mike iterations from inside the Dome. They aren’t our iterations. Sly, your Big Bear is down in Texas with the others. He’s not in any danger.

SLY: It might be “just an iteration”… but it’s an iteration of my Big Bear. …They’re all my Big Bear. I can’t stand to think of him sufferin’.

JAMILLA: Hey… Sly. Well, there’s nothing that we can do right now. Maybe we should try and relax, and get our thoughts off of this. I’ve sent a message to Hunter. I’ll see what he says. Do you wanna play some pool, maybe?

MATT: Ugh, only if you play with a handicap, Jam? I’m tired of losing every time.

JAMILLA: Sounds like a skill issue.

SLY: We can’t talk about this kinda stuff if we head back there, ya know. Bill’s back there playin’ pool by his lonesome.

MATT: Does he ever stop playing pool? Maybe Bill could finally be the one to beat Jam!

JAMILLA: Oh, please. I’m not scared of Bill.

[The saloon doors swing open.]

LIEUTENANT: Howdy, y’all. How’s it goin’?

SLY [shouting]: B– Big Bear!?

LIEUTENANT: There’s my Badger!

SLY: What the hell are you doin’ at the Sidewinder!? Did you come all the way up from… Texas? What’s wrong?

LIEUTENANT: Sly, I… I don’t how to say this, uh… I ain’t… been in Texas. I ain’t that Michael.

SLY: Huh? Which… Which Michael are ya, then?

LIEUTENANT: Somethin’ terrible happened at the Dome. There was an attack, and the Mikes got transported somewhere awful. I just barely escaped with my life.

JAMILLA: We just heard the news about the attack. According to Hunter, the Compound is planning a rescue mission. They think that you’re still in there.

MATT [anxiously]: [Stammering.] Where… where are Mikey and MW?

LIEUTENANT [feigning sorrow]: I wish I knew, pard. [Sighs.] The other Dome is like… hell on Earth. It’s pitch black and burnin’ hot. It was so disorientin’. We couldn’t see anything. The sweat burned my eyes, so I had to keep ’em closed. But I kept… hearin’ somethin’. It was like there was somethin’ in there, tryin’ to hunt us down. I-I could hear Mikey and Emdubya just screamin’ for help, but I couldn’t find ’em. I had to fend for myself. I ran and ran through the Dome ’til I found the edge. I thought I was gonna black out. I mighta blacked, cause I couldn’t see anything. I felt along the edge of the wall ’til I found this secret control panel, and I just started pushin’ buttons ’til one of them dumped me out in the Trunk. And that was the last time I saw ’em.

SLY: I’m… so sorry, Michael. That sounds awful.

LIEUTENANT: I wanted to save ’em, of course, but… weren’t no use. There no point in me goin’ back in there. I’d just get lost again, and maybe get picked off like they were. So, uh, I used the Trunk to transport to the Sidewinder, cause that was the only place I knew to go. [Tearful.] Oh, Sly! I thought I was as good as dead!

SLY [consoling]: Oh, c’mere Michael. You poor thing, you. It’s gonna be okay, you hear me? It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna get those iterations back. We’re gonna find ’em. D-Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that. We’ll find Mikey and MW, and… we’ll save ’em from that dang Shadow Dome.

JAMILLA: Don’t get me wrong, Michael; it’s great to see you here. I’m… just wondering why you came to the Sidewinder instead of going to Texas. They are the ones who are making preparations to break the Base out of the Compound. We’re trying to help, but we can only do so much on our own.

LIEUTENANT: Well, there’s a reason for that… It all goes back to when they first decided to iterate off of us. Mikey and Emdubya decided the best course of action would be to consolidate with their Dome iterations as soon as we broke out of the Compound. Michael, on the other hand, was a whole ‘nother story. He don’t want to consolidate. He wants to kill me. I know, cause I wasn’t yet iterated when he had that thought. He ain’t gonna consolidate with me without a fight. So I’m scared if I showed up there alone, Michael would try and kill me.

SLY: I won’t let that happen to ya, Big Bear. You ain’t goin’ in there alone. We’ll be there with ya. I’ll stand between you and him the whole time if I hafta. He’d have to shoot through me to get to ya. I’m puttin’ my foot down!

JAMILLA: You were right not to go alone, then. We’ll make sure this is a friendly encounter. Nobody’s going to kill anybody. We can deal with Michael. This isn’t the first time his hotheadedness has got him in trouble. He’s stubborn.

SLY: Please! Ornery.

JAMILLA: He’s ornery, but we can talk this out together.

MATT: Sound good to me! I didn’t have anything going on this afternoon. I’m down to swing on down to Texas, consolidate Michael, rescue the Mikes from the mysterious Shadow Dome, [We hear Bill The Bar Patron approach the bar.] and be home in time for dinner. Beats my plan to sit here at the Sidewinder and get drunk.

LIEUTENANT: Don’t look now, but we got a visitor.

BILL: Hey, Sly. Sorry to interrupt. Can I get another beer, please?

SLY: Sure thing, Bill. Comin’ right up.

[Sly pours the beer.]

BILL: Sorry to pry, but I… couldn’t help overhearin’ ya. I don’t know the situation, but it sounded like you were talkin’ about killin’ someone. I’ve been out of that nasty business a long time, but… Sly here’s a good buddy o’ mine. If y’all are in trouble, I’m willin’ to come out of retirement.

MATT: [Stammers.] Um… We don’t… I-I don’t think that we’re really…? [Nervous laugh.]

JAMILLA: We don’t want to rope anyone else into this. It’s complicated. Thank you, though.

SLY: Bill, I know what kinda situations you been in, and I promise you they ain’t nothin’ like this’n. Trust me. You’re gonna wanna sit this one out.

BILL: Suit yourself, Sly. Just remember that I ain’t just a pool shark.

SLY: Bill, you ain’t even a pool shark!

BILL: Now you’re being hurtful just for the sake o’ hurtin’. Thanks for the beer, Sly. I’ll be back there at the pool table if you need me.

SLY: [Sighs.] Sounds good, Bill. Thanks for stoppin’ by.

BILL: Any time.

[Bill leaves.]

MATT: Maybe we should get out of here before any more loyal bar patrons offer their services to us?

SLY: Agreed. Now how we gettin’ to Texas?

JAMILLA: I was already planning on having Hunter transport me back to O.V.E.R. when we were done here. I can have him send us to Texas instead. Once we’re there, we can use their Calculators to go wherever we need to go.

SLY: Aw, we can’t road trip down there on the motorcycles like we did last time?

LIEUTENANT: We don’t got time for that, Sly. Mikey and Emdubya are in trouble.

JAMILLA: Michael’s right. Besides, if we leave now, we can coordinate with the Hunters and the Compound to ensure that we end up inside of the Shadow Dome at the same time they do. Maybe we’d stand a better chance of finding them if we were all in there together.

MATT: Or… we could try to break the Base out of the Compound while they’re all in the Shadow Dome…

JAMILLA: One plan at a time. But… that’s also worth considering.

SLY: I don’t like the idea of Hunter transportin’ us anywhere. What if he gets a wild hair up his ass, and decides to wipe all of us off the face of the Earth instead?

JAMILLA: I wouldn’t worry about that. I can enlist some of our compatriots to make sure that he doesn’t do anything out of line.

LIEUTENANT: Alright, just let me take care o’ one thing ‘fore we go. [Yelling.] Hey! Whoever keeps requestin’ the same song on the jukebox? Just lost jukebox privileges for everyone, y’hear!? I’m shuttin’ it down! [The honky tonk music slows down to a stop.] [Normal volume.] That’s right. Now we’re leavin’, but when we get back, if this song is playin’, I will draw down on someone. I see you, Bill! Don’t think I don’t see you. You are Culprit Numero Uno.

[Kerosene (Pt. 3) plays.]

Maybe some rain got into the top

while I was trying to find my way back

or maybe 5 years is 5 years too much

to set something down and expect it to work

and maybe it speaks a bit to my form

that longing would keep me sewn into these walls

kerosene just puts the past up in flames

an honorable grave or an effigy

It’d be romantic to distill it down to

Eight easy letters for me to sing out

but if the truth’s in the letters, I don’t know what they are

and I don’t even like romantic things anymore

my hands are covered in menial scars

and my heart’s so big I think it will explode

and kerosene makes the past so overbright

it so easy to forget I put out the light

just

Let me take care of myself

Let me take care of myself

Let me take care of myself

Let me take care of myself

if I was honestly thinking it through

I would have known that the light wasn’t ever for you

cause kerosene gives me someplace to be

when the hope still arrives in the morning

because the hope’s right on time in the morning

[Scene transition.]

[Ambiance of the little office at the Tier One gate. Charlie hums “Every Part of the Animal” while typing on a keyboard. Troy flips through pages in a magazine.]

[A cell phone buzzes multiple times. Charlie stops typing, and then stops humming.]

CHARLIE: …Huh. Okay! Well, that’s a little strange. I don’t… normally get texts from Jamilla. I wonder what they’re texting me about.

TROY: [Flips a magazine page. There is a soft thud.] Hey, yo, what? They legalized gay marriage? Let’s [Claps.] fucking [Claps.] go, dude, that’s–! Sorry, sorry, you were saying what? Sorry. Which– Which one is Jamilla again?

CHARLIE [as though obvious]: Come on, Troy. [Laughs once.] You have to know about Jamilla Gardner! Who they are? Have you not been studying the flashcards? I put so much work into those flashcards! They work in 116E with Edgar. Or… I… guess… Edgar used to work there? [Pause.] Nothing. Really? 116E? The interfacing building between Tier One and Tier Two?

TROY: The “inner-facing building”? Come on, why does it matter which way the building is facing? Charlie, are you talking about the bathrooms? Edgar didn’t work in the bathroom; what are you talking about?

CHARLIE: Th–! [Huffs.] The building at the gate? Into Tier Two? Have you… walked around the grounds of O.V.E.R.?

TROY: I don’t usually go inside? I do my job, I’m a guard at the gate, and then I go home. What is the– What does the text message say?

CHARLIE: [Laughs.] Okay, Troy, okay, here. Jam says that they’re at the Sidewinder with some friends, and they heard that Something is happening with Base inside of the Compound. That’s “Something” with a capital “s,” mind you. They need to get to the Texas Base? ASAP. So… apparently… they asked Hunter to go transport them there, and they want me to go find Hunter, and make sure that he doesn’t try to do anything… uh…? [Grimaces.] villainous. Their words, not mine. Despite everything? I still think Hunter’s a sweet guy.

TROY [slowly]: Cool… Who’s Jam?

CHARLIE: [Lightly scoffs.] Jam is Jamilla Gardner. Troy, these are on the flashcards!

TROY: Oh… I get it now. Jam, Jamilla, Jam. That’s fine; that’s cute! I like that. Uh, hey. I can man the gate for you if you want. But we’ll have to do the guard change dance all over again, though. Please?

CHARLIE: Oh, no, honey, no! You… [Huffs.] You can’t watch the gate for me. That would put you into overtime, and O.V.E.R., you know, the agency… would throw a fit about that. You don’t want to deal with that, I don’t want you to have to deal with that, and I… myself don’t want to have to deal with that! Uh, you– And, you know what, you’re– You’re clocked out, anyway. So… I’ll just… Yeah! Actually, I think that’ll work! Um. I’ll just pass everything through to Tier Two while I’m gone. They can handle it all remotely, so no-one even has to come down here; easy-peasy? Plus, it’s not like there’s that many people coming through the gate today, anyway.

TROY: Um. I mean, I’m glad I don’t have to work. …Can I tag along with you? I’m only here after my shift because I want to hang out with you, and if you leave, that’ll make that kinda hard to do unless I go with you… You know…

CHARLIE: Aw, Troy! [Clicks tongue affectionately.] I like hanging out with you, too! Yeah! You know what? Sure! I think it’ll be fun. You can come along. [Joking.] …And, who’s to say, I might need a little bit of backup if Hunter tries any funny business. Who’s to say.

TROY: Should I… grab my gun.

CHARLIE: [Amused.] I’m joking, Troy! [Slowly, less amused.] …Uh… Hey, do you leave your gun on the table when you clock out?

TROY: Yeah, Charlie, I leave my gun on the table when I go home, okay? I tried bringing it home with me one time, and it was heavy, and it hurt my hip, okay? And when I pressed the button on it, it’s loud, okay? I-It– I don’t need it at the house!

CHARLIE: Oh… Oh… Troy… Honey, baby, no. [Laughs once.] You’re supposed to keep it with you! Especially when you’re inside of O.V.E.R.! You– And especially don’t leave it overnight! What if someone came, and stole it?

TROY [dispirited]: [Sighs.] …Then someone would yell at me for not having my gun… which is kinda what you are doing anyway.

CHARLIE: Let’s– Let’s–… [Huffs.] Troy, let’s just go.

TROY: So…? should I…? grab my gun, or…?

CHARLIE [sternly]: Yes!

[They leave the front gate, and walk through vegetation.]

TROY: You said that your friend Jamilla’s gonna meet with the Texas people, right? We’re not gonna have to go back there, are we? Because I don’t want to go back there? When you brought me there where there were two of me, they asked me a lot of really hard questions that I didn’t really know the answer to. And that giant horse kept trying to eat my shirt.

CHARLIE: [Giggles.] No! No, we– we don’t have to go back there, Troy; it’s okay. We just have to make sure that Jamilla, Sly, and Matt make it there safe and sound.

TROY: [Exhales.] Okay. That’s– That’s good. I… don’t think that I like horses.

CHARLIE: Hehe. Hey! No! Bluster is a good horse! I’m sure he didn’t mean to scare you. He just… thought that your shirt looked yummy.

TROY: I mean, he can have my shirt if he wants? Just preferably not with me in it?

[The footsteps fade. There is a small scene transition to Hunter’s cabin. Charlie knocks; Hunter answers.]

HUNTER: Oh! Hello, Charlie! Hello, Troy! I wa’n’t expectin’ to see the two o’ you today. We already got quite the ragtag bunch inside here. …What brings you to my cabin?

CHARLIE: Hey, Hunter! Jamilla texted me. They said that they needed to transport a team from the Sidewinder all the way to Texas? They wanted me to stop by, and make sure that, you know… everything stays on the up-and-up?

HUNTER: [Chuckles.] They’re that suspicious of me, are they? …That’s fine. I get it. That was a different timeline. I’m not tryin’ to pull a fast one on anyone, especially not Jamilla Gardner. They’ve got a good head on their shoulders. I’m tryin’ to keep my head down, and get Ryan and CANNONBALL ready for the mission that the Compound is about to send us on.

CHARLIE: Jam mentioned… something about the Compound! Yeah, sounds familiar. It seems like that’s why they’re going to Texas, I think? Um, wait. Hunter, did something go wrong with Base?

HUNTER: According to Ty, the Mikes went missing from the Dome today. He thinks that he might know where they’ve been taken. He’s sending the Base to retrieve them, and the three of us are going to support them remotely. Ryan and CANNONBALL over there are getting prepped.

CHARLIE: Oh, how the tables sure have turned, heh! You helping the Mikes? Wouldn’t have expected that! I– Sorry, I don’t know if that’s a sore subject, but… I wanted to say thank you. I think it’s very sweet of you.

HUNTER: Eh… It’s a living. I’m doing a job for Ty, and he is signing the metaphorical checks. If he wants to deal with Mike Walters and all of his messes, that’s his prerogative.

CANNONBALL: I’m not happy about it, for what it’s worth.

RYAN: That’s why he’s called CANNONBALL, you know. He’s a loose cannon. He’s got a short fuse, a hot temper. His unchecked anger issues are a force to be reckoned with.

CANNONBALL [Garfiedly]: You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

CHARLIE: Ooh! Scary! So… this is Mission Control, huh? Okay! How does it all work? Like, what do each of you guys do? What are your tasks? The day-to-day? I wanna know all of it. I’m really, actually super intrigued by this? I’ve never gotten to peek behind the curtain before.

HUNTER: I’m in charge, of course. I keep these two lollygaggers from slacking off.

CANNONBALL: He cracks the whip on us hard.

HUNTER: I’m also in direct communication with Ty Betteridge. He relays orders and information to me, and I relay them to Ryan and CANNONBALL.

CANNONBALL: I’m running comms. I’ll be talking to Base through an earpiece, and repeating whatever these two have to say.

RYAN: Toph is going to calm their nerves in the heat of battle with his dulcet tones. He has both a voice and a face for radio, you know.

CANNONBALL: You’re lucky I’m not actually a loose cannon.

RYAN: That leaves me. I will be doing all of the heavy lifting. You might say that I’m the star of the show. Based on available information, the Mikes appear to be trapped in a strange sort of “Shadow Dome” that is a mangled version of the Dome that the Compound was keeping them in. Ty found the coordinates for this dome, and he has enlisted me in trying to hack into the computerized portions of it. Most of the electronics got busted when they tried to iterate it from the original Dome? I’m going to see if I can get any of those electronics back online. It’s pitch black in there. You can only see inside with night-vision goggles. It would be easier to conduct a search in there if everyone could see what they were doing.

TROY: Ooh! That sounds like a cool job. I went to Texas with Charlie for some of this “Base” stuff. I thought we were gonna go on cool adventures like that, but instead a giant horse tried to eat me.

HUNTER: …Will the two of you be staying for the main event?

CHARLIE: I, uh… I think that’s a really good idea. Yeah! It sounds exciting! I’ve never been part of a mission control. And I can keep an eye on the three of you. Make sure that you’re actually helping our friends out? No. Bullshit.

HUNTER: Of course. We are professionals, after all.

TROY: I dunno, Charlie. I just got off my shift. I’m sleepy and hungry.

RYAN: Hunter made tater tot hotdish for us. It’s in the kitchen; there’s plenty to go around. Help yourself, Troy.

TROY: I… don’t know what tater hot hotdot is…

CHARLIE: [Brief chuckle.] Troy, you goof! …Okay. Uh, well, admittedly, I don’t actually know what it is, either, but… sounds yummy!

CANNONBALL: It’s pretty good. You should try some.

HUNTER: You’re both welcome to stay, and witness the festivities. It should be quite the spectacle.

TROY: Alright, then. I’ll start making myself at home.

CHARLIE: You’ve got yourself a deal, Hunter! And I’m not gonna lie, uh, that tater tot hotdish is pretty promising! [Brief laugh.] So. I… guess we’re ready to transport Jam and company to Texas now? Or, do we… need to take a trip into Tier Two for that? Or can you do that… here.

RYAN: Huh? Was I supposed to wait to do that? I have the transport tech here on my computer, so I went ahead and sent them over. Is that okay?

CHARLIE: Um… Uh… I-I mean, [A cell phone buzzes multiple times] if you actually got them there, then… I… I guess so? Yeah… [She notices the cell phone.] Oh! Okay. Phew! That– That right there was the text from Jam. They’re… all safe and sound in Texas, so.. thanks! I guess? C– Okay, but could you… m-maybe wait for the go-ahead next time? I would be a little upset if there was anything that had gone wrong.

RYAN: I will. Assuming that there is a next time.

CHARLIE: Okay, great. [Pause.] Wait, did anybody see where Troy went?

CANNONBALL: He’s already asleep on the couch.

[Scene transition.]

[There’s a knock at the Texas Base door. The door swings open.]

TEX: [Pumps shotgun.] Who goes there? This is private property! …Oh, Matt, Jam, Sly. What are y’all doin’ here? …And ya got yourselves a Michael.

MATT: Is Michael inside?

TEX: He sure is, so why don’t you state your business.

SLY: This here Michael says that he escaped from the Dome in the Compound. Looks like things are… goin’ belly up in there, and the other Mikes need our help. He found us at the Sidewinder.

JAMILLA: He said that Mikes agreed to iterate with the Compound iterations once they escaped, but that Michael might not cooperate.

TEX: Well, that’s between him and Michael then, ain’ it? …Y’all gonna just… stand there, or come in?

MATT: What if Michael shoots him?

TEX: Then y’all are cleanin’ up.

SLY: You get behind me, Big Bear. I’ll protect ya.

TEX: Hey, uh… Michael. Don’t get ornery now, but there’s an iteration here to see ya. Says he’s from the Dome, and he’s scared silly you’re gonna shoot ‘im.

MICHAEL: ‘Bout time he showed up. You hold still; won’t hurt none, okay?

SLY: Sorry, pard. But you’re gonna have to go through me if you want at ‘im. You ain’t killin’ another Michael. That ain’t how we do things.

MICHAEL: Sure it is. How’d y’all run into this lowlife?

MATT: Lowlife? Michael, this is an iteration of you, and not even from that long ago.

MICHAEL: That’s how I know he’s a lowlife. I can smell it on ‘im.

OUTLAW TY: And how do we know this here Michael is from where he said he was from?

LIEUTENANT: You have my word I was livin’ in the Dome. I can tell y’all about it. Big dome with the Base inside. And there’s a shed that we was livin’ in. Had the Boulders in the yard in there with us. Got a panel on the outside what leads to the Trunk. I found the panel. That’s how I got out.

OUTLAW TY: I’d say that checks out. Tex?

TEX: It’s a good sign. I don’t know how a stray Michael’d know that.

OUTLAW TY: Well, it’s good to see you fine folks again. Howdy, Jam, Matt, Sly. Glad to see you made it free, Michael. Where– Where are your compadres?

LIEUTENANT: I got bad news about ’em. Only reason I’m free is there was some sorta accident. Someone tried to iterate the Dome, and somethin’ went wrong. Us Mikes ended up in some sorta weird Shadow Dome. There was somethin’ in there with us, and we ended up gettin’ split up. I found the control panel, and made it out through the Trunk. Used the Trunk to make it to the Sidewinder and find Badger.

OUTLAW TY: You’re sayin’ that someone duplicated the Dome?

LIEUTENANT: Yeah, but it sure ain’t perfect. Dome’s busted to shit.

OUTLAW TY: Ah, that’s because the Compound has been workin’ on a defensive array. It musta prevented ’em from getting a clean shot at ya. Operose is the likely culprit; we had us a little incident with those unsavory curs a little while ago. They made it through our array, but it took some elbow grease.

MICHAEL: I don’t care about them iterations in the Dome. Leave ’em to the wolves. Good riddance!

OUTLAW TY: Michael! I know how ya feel about duplicates. You– You don’t mean that.

MICHAEL: I was gonna kill ’em anyway, Outlaw.

SLY: That’s what this iteration of Michael’s scared of.

LIEUTENANT: All the other Mikes promised we’d consolidate. But not him.

JAMILLA: That’s why we brought this iteration here, Michael. It sounds like you made a promise to him.

MICHAEL: No, they promised to consolidate him; I promised to kill him. [Calling to another room.] Mikey! Emdubya! Get your asses in here! You got a mess to clean up!

MATT: Sorry, I’m not an expert. Um… Isn’t consolidation, like, super dangerous?

OUTLAW TY: It’s dangerous if it’s a greenhorn doin’ it. But I could do it for ’em. I got a lot of experiences consolidatin’ folks under worse conditions than this. It’ll be a challenge with these rink-a-dink Calculators we got, but I should be able to tune ’em just right.

SLY: You’d consolidate my two Big Bears for me?

OUTLAW TY: It’d be a piece of cake, if’n they’re willin’ to sit still for the procedure.

MICHAEL: [Scoffs.] Well, I ain’t doin’ it.

LIEUTENANT: Now, I hate to get pushy, but… we ain’t got time for ditherin’, Michael. We gotta get this show on the road. Them other iterations are still trapped in the Shadow Dome, and they’re hurtin’ in there. I know. I’ve been in there. It’s hotter’n hell, and there’s somethin’ in there with ’em. They don’t got long.

MICHAEL: Are y’all seriously buyin’ his sad puppy schtick?

OUTLAW TY: He don’t seem to be lyin’, Michael.

MIKEY: You called me in here from the other room, would you like my opinion, Michael?

MICHAEL: I sure as hell don’t, Mikey.

MIKE: Okay, how about my opinion, since you don’t want Mikey’s? Michael, you told them that you would consolidate with them. In return, they let you leave the Dome. Now, this iteration of you is free. So it’s time to make good on your promise.

OUTLAW TY: Mike’s right, Michael. I know you got a Cowboy Code. Gotta stick to it.

MICHAEL: Well, Mike and Outlaw, that’s damn easy for both of y’all to say. You ain’t got an iteration in this fight. I’m the one what’s gotta consolidate with this’n.

MW: They’re right, Michael. We made a deal with ’em. Me and Mikey fully intended to consolidate with them when they got free, no matter how scared we might be. Cause I am a little scared. But it’s only fair that we do right by them.

OUTLAW TY: I think we should take a vote.

MICHAEL: I vote no.

OUTLAW TY: All in favor of consolidatin’ the two Michaels? [Pause.] That’s… One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…?

MATT: Someone needs to get consolidated! It is way too cramped in here.

MIKE: Yep! Not to mention confusing. I’m one of the Mikes, and I don’t know which cowboy’s which.

OUTLAW TY: All opposed? [Pause.] …Just Michael.

MICHAEL: You wanna complain about being cramped; you ever been consolidated, Matt?

MATT: Not… to my knowledge.

MICHAEL: Well, it ain’t pretty. Folks get sick and die consolidatin’. It can tear ya up somethin’ fierce.

OUTLAW TY: It ain’t no joke, that much is true, but it’s a routine procedure. It’s like having your tonsils taken out. Good ol’ Doctor Outlaw can patch ya together in no time, and all the ice cream you can eat after.

MICHAEL: How ’bout you, Tex? You gonna turn your back on me, too?

TEX: Y’all brought this mess in my house when you made that promise. Now, I been out on my lonesome, and I found a way to scrape by, but I won’t wish it on another Michael. Consolidatin’s the right thing to do. Cause you told ‘im you’d do it.

JAMILLA: Are you scared? Michael?

MICHAEL: No, I ain’t scared.

SLY: Aw, he’s scared alright. I can read ‘im like a book. That’s the look he makes when I tell him it’s his turn to feed Bertha.

JAMILLA: [Laughs.] Bertha the Emu? Yeah, she’s scary!

SLY: Mean sonuvabitch. But I could watch her chase Big Bear around the ranch all day.

[Multiple people laugh. TEX: Sorry, Michael. That’s funny.]

MICHAEL: Alright! Alright… May the humiliation please stop. I get it. My number’s been called. I cain’t fight with ya any longer. Now, Outlaw, I need you to look me in the eye, and promise me you ain’t gonna screw this up.

OUTLAW TY: I’m not in the habit of screwin’ up, Michael. You have my word. Ever since I broke free from the Compound, I promised myself that I wouldn’t hurt a hair on the head of a Michael ever again. …You’re in good hands. We’ll be as careful as can be. We’ll set up a correction point and everything. It’s like what Windows used to do with System Restore. If anything goes wrong, we can go back and stop it.

LIEUTENANT: Look, I-I didn’t show up to… stir up trouble. I just… I want my life back. I-I need my Badger. I-I can’t go out there on my own. I-I wouldn’t be able to take it.

SLY: Aw…! Love you, Big Bear.

LIEUTENANT: And I love you, too, Badger.

MICHAEL: You don’t get to call him that!

SLY: The way I see it, you’re both my Big Bear. I ain’t gonna choose between the two o’ ya, so y’all better consolidate. I don’t see what the big deal is. If… there’s two o’ me runnin’ around, I’d consolidate for you, Michael.

MICHAEL: Sly– [Groans, conflicted.] Fine, y’all wore me down. Quit gangin’ up on me, and let’s just do it, okay? Quick, Outlaw. ‘Fore I go changin’ my mind.

OUTLAW TY: Yup. I can do that. I just need the two of you to sit in these two chairs here, and keep real still-like. [Two chairs scoot around.] And I need the rest of y’all to stand back so you don’t get caught in the crossfire. …[Betteridgely.] Excellent. Oh! Ah. [Clears throat. Resumes the cowboy voice.] Uh, yes. All this talk of consolidatin’ got me back to my old ways, heh! Alright… Alright, y’all. Put the tip of your toe against the edge of that floorboard there so I can line ya up? …No, not that floorboard. …No– No, the other one! …Yup. Thank you, yup! Just like that. And… don’t move. Are y’all ready?

LIEUTENANT: I promise y’all ain’t gonna regret this, Michael.

MICHAEL: [Huffs.] Just do it.

OUTLAW TY: See ya on the other side, Michael. Consolidatin’ in three… two… one…

[Time travel noise.]

OUTLAW TY: Now! Was that so bad, Michael?

LIEUTENANT: No, sir, it weren’t. In fact, I’m feelin’ pretty dang good. Feels good to be put back together again. And out of that god forsaken Dome! Yeehaw!

OUTLAW TY: Yeehaw!

SLY: Yeehaw!

MATT: Yeehaw!

JAMILLA: I think you set off a chain reaction.

MW: Yeah, yeah. Yeehaw. Don’t get too comfortable feelin’ fancy free, Michael. I still intend to consolidate with that iteration, so we gotta go back in that dome to find ’em.

LIEUTENANT: I’m dreadin’ goin’ back. Ain’t nothin’ in there but torture.

OUTLAW TY: How are we gonna get into the Shadow Dome, Michael? Do you know how to get there?

LIEUTENANT: I know the coordinates. Got ’em memorized. All we gotta do is transport in.

JAMILLA [confused, suspicious]: I’m not sure I follow. If O.I. iterated the Dome with the intent to steal it, how do you know what the coordinates are to get back?

LIEUTENANT: They, uh… I, uh… I-I… I saw ’em. There was, like, uh… There was a monitor with cameras pointed at the Shadow Dome.

MIKEY: Why would the Shadow Dome have cameras… in the Compound?

LIEUTENANT: I-I ain’t got it figured out, but I ain’t lyin’ to ya. Y’ain’t accusin’ me, are ya, Mikey?

MIKEY: No! No. I– I’m just trying to understand. This has been a very complicated meeting.

LIEUTENANT: Well, understand this. There’s an iteration of you and an iteration of Emdubya in that dang Dome. And we’re gonna bust ’em out.

OUTLAW TY: I’m ready, Michael. All this consolidatin’ got me riled up. Tex, should we show our friends here to the armory? I think it’s time to stock up. Tex has quite the stockpile.

SLY: [Huffs.] We coulda stocked up at my house, ya know? I got grenades…

[Scene transition.]

[MDawg enters a conference room.]

MDAWG: Hey, uh. They said you wanted to see me about something?

EAGLE: Hey! MDawg! Just the man I was looking for. Glad you could make it. How’s it going, buddy?

MDAWG: Look, Eagle. I don’t know why you’re looking for me, but I don’t think I could take any endurance or resistance training right now. I can’t feel where you stabbed me yesterday, but I can feel it sort of spiritually? If you know what I mean? And, it’s, uh… It’s ruinin’ my vibe.

EAGLE: [Laughs.] Always such a jokester. I don’t want to stab you. …Well, maybe later. We’ll see how the day goes. Come in. Grab a donut. We have a lot to talk about.

MDAWG: Well… I am a little bit hungry. I just got off this diet where you can only eat pickles, but you can eat all the pickles you want, so… What is this about?

EAGLE: There’ve been some interesting developments around Operose today, and Lieutenant and I have decided that it’s time for you to receive something that you’ve been begging for for a long time. [Calling out.] Lieutenant! You can bring him in here now.

LIEUTENANT2: Howdy there, MDawg.

MDAWG: Were you hiding in the corner waiting for me to come in?

LIEUTENANT2: Yup. And I brought a’ old friend o’ yours with me. You remember Edman, don’tcha?

[MDawg gasps in surprise.]

EDMAN: Hey, babe! It’s… really you… I’ve missed you.

MDAWG: Edman… You were gone for so long… W– What have they been doing to you? Did they hurt you? I saw the scar from the other side of the glass?

EDMAN: I’m fine, babe. That scar is old at this point. It doesn’t hurt anymore! I’m sorry. I tried to get them to take me to you.

MDAWG: I’ve been trying, too. I tried everything.

EDMAN: It’s okay. I’m here now. We’re together again. It’s going to be okay.

LIEUTENANT2: Heartwarmin’, ain’ it?

EAGLE: Heartwarming indeed. Like a Hallmark movie. I’m sorry to cut the reunion short. I’m glad you’re happy to see each other. But I didn’t bring Ed-min here out of the goodness of my heart. I’ve brought him here because the four of us… have some important business to take care of.

LIEUTENANT2: So you better wipe them tears away.

MDAWG: I don’t know what you’re trying to pull by bringing him here, but I’m not going to let you hurt him anymore.

EAGLE: Nobody is going to hurt anyone. At least… not here and now. I’m assembling a team to take care of an important mission, and you’ve been chosen. We’re all going back into the Shadow Dome together. There is more work to be done there.

MDAWG: I… don’t understand. There’s nothing in there; what more work could we do? Lieutenant and the others got out.

EAGLE: That is only the beginning of the story. Would you like to take it away, Lieutenant?

LIEUTENANT2: Gladly. As you know, the Lieutenant before me killed an iteration of Michael, and then made it out of the Dome with the other iterations. Since then, he has kept in contact with me. After he made it out of the Shadow Dome, he was successfully able to kill the iterations that he escaped with. Since then, he has been able to convince the Base’s allies in Texas that he was the real deal iteration of Michael from the Dome, which culminated in him convincin’ them to let him consolidate with their Michael. So he is now de facto the “real” Michael. We got a man all the way on the inside.

EAGLE: The new Michael has really rolled up his sleeves and got to work since he made it out of the Shadow Dome. He’s convinced the others that the Dome iterations are still in there. The Compound believes that they’re in there as well. Both teams are interested in retrieving them. They are putting together a joint mission to go into the Shadow Dome together to look for them. Michael’s managed to round all of them up in one convenient place.

LIEUTENANT2: It’s the perfect honeypot. Nothin’ left for us to do except for to snatch ’em up.

MDAWG: Okay, so the Shadow Dome is some sort of booby trap now? I mean, harsh realm. But I’m not seeing how this is a mission that we all have to go on. They’re all going to the Shadow Dome? Uh, great? Let them? Can’t you just wait for them to show up, and capture them with your fancy technology?

EAGLE: It isn’t that simple. They’ll be returning to the Shadow Dome with the full power of the Compound behind them. You saw firsthand how strong their defensive capabilities are. Operose is worried that if we try to capture them through traditional means, we’ll be thwarted, and they’ll retreat. Which is why we need to convince them that they should come with us. That’s why the four of us will be going in there to get our hands dirty.

MDAWG: Don’t you have, like, a whole spiritual-black-hole army of Michaels who do your bidding? Why don’t you have them do that instead of us getting our hands dirty?

LIEUTENANT2: Cause we ain’t gettin’ our hands that dirty. The Michaels are for killin’ folk. We wanna take these alive. We take Base away from the Compound, and use ’em for our own purposes. And, o’ course, Michael is one o’ ours, so we’re gonna let him and Sly go. Let ’em out the back door as a way of sayin’ thanks.

EDMAN: If you think that me and MDawg are going to convince them to cooperate, then I don’t think your plan is going to work. They don’t trust us. Matt has been hiding in our bushes for… how long would you say, babe? About a year?

MDAWG: Yeah, when did that start? That had to have been at least a year ago.

EAGLE: The Base might not trust you, but the Mikes want you, Ed-min. They know that you’ve been receiving medical information inside of Operose, and that you don’t die at the same time as their Edgar dies. They’re desperate to understand what we have done. They want you, and they want you alive. That’s why Lieutenant here will be pointing a gun at you the whole time we’re in the Shadow Dome. They can play ball, or they can watch you die in front of them. It should get the Mikes on board, and… [Brief chuckle.] Oh, boy, are there ever a lot of Mikes running around these days.

MDAWG: Have I never talked to Eagle about Edman? He keeps saying “Ed-min.”

LIEUTENANT2: Yeah, he does that.

MDAWG: So what are you gonna do when they call your bluff, because obviously you aren’t going to shoot Ed-min.

LIEUTENANT2: Course I am. [Brief chuckle.] Won’t be the worst thing I did today. No offense, Edman, It’s nothin’ personal, but we gotta put our money where our mouth is. It ain’t a real threat unless I’ll really do it.

MDAWG: I get it, cowboy, you’re a hardass. But you wouldn’t do it, Michael. Not to Edman.

LIEUTENANT2: That’s Lieutenant to you, MDawg.

MDAWG: This is way over the line, even for the two of you. Has Anne signed off on this?

EAGLE: We don’t need Anne’s permission. Anne doesn’t have anything to do with this. You are our employees, not hers. This is my project, not hers. She has no jurisdiction here.

MDAWG: This isn’t fair. I’m going to go find her. I’m not going to let you do this, Michael.

LIEUTENANT2: Lieutenant.

MDAWG: I’m not going to stand around, and let you blackmail them with Edman’s life.

LIEUTENANT2: That’s right, MDawg. You ain’t gonna be standin’ around. You’re gonna take this here Calculator, and clean up after the Lieutenant that came before me. There’s a dead iteration of Michael inside that Base that needs to be cleaned up. Cain’t have our Base or the Compound findin’ him, cause they’ll start askin’ questions ’bout that iteration that made it out of the Shadow Dome. We need them thinkin’ he’s the Michael he says he is. We’ll take care of negotiations with Base. You focus on cleanin’ up Michael.

EAGLE: You’re making too big of a deal out of this, MDawg. There probably won’t even be any bloodshed. Operose has been inspired by the Compound to develop its own set of disruptive non-lethal strategies. Are they as fun as going hand-to-hand with your enemy to the death? Not quite. But… we have some pretty trippy tricks up our sleeves. We’ll be overpowering and subduing them while you are… cleaning up our little Michael mess.

LIEUTENANT2: It’s a win-win, MDawg. We clean up a mess we made. We take the Compound’s playthings away from ’em, and incorporate ’em into Operose and Eagle’s project. Operose gets to test some experimental technology. It’s gonna be a real humdinger. We’ll run the Base the way we want.

EAGLE: Base is such a… boring name, anyway. Once we bring them into the fold, we’re calling them the Eagle’s Nest. I’ve already designed leather jackets for everyone.

MDAWG: Edman, what are we gonna do? This is going to be a disaster. And you know he doesn’t mean vegan leather.

EDMAN: We do whatever they tell us to do, babe. They have the high ground. It’s going to be okay. They’re not going to hurt me. We’ll get through this, and we’ll figure out the rest later.

EAGLE: Ed-min’s got the right idea. Buck up, MDawg. This is going to be fun.

[Scene transition.]

[We hear two different time travel noises as two different groups materialize inside of the Shadow Dome.]

TEX: Alright, everyone make it here okay? Roll call! I’m Tex. Me and Outlaw are here.

MIKE: I got me, Mikey, and MW.

MARISSA: Yeah. Base is here.

CHANCE: Ryan and I are here.

EDGAR: We’ve got comms from Compound, too.

SLY: Sidewinder crew is here.

MATT: Let’s kick some ass, Sly.

JAMILLA: We’re here to find Mikey and MW, not kick ass.

[Time travel noise.]

MARISSA: Ah? Mighta spoken too soon, Jam. Looks like the trash just walked itself out to the curb. …Of course, fucking Eagle is here… And that face is just cruisin’ for a bruisin’.

EDGAR: Who is that he has with him?

MATT: Is that who I think it is?

EAGLE: [Clears throat.] Thank you all for coming. It’s great to finally see everyone in one place like this, even if we need night-vision goggles in order to see. We come to you today with a proposition that you can’t refuse. We would like to formally invite you to become part of the Operose organization.

MARISSA: Oh, well in that case. Go fuck yourself.

TEX: Where are the iterations of Mikey and Emdubya?

EAGLE: They are long gone, I’m afraid.

TEX: Bullshit. We got the Michael from the Dome, and he said they were in here.

LIEUTENANT2: Eagle’s right. Y’ain’t gonna find ’em.

EAGLE: There are more pressing matters than those iterations. As you can see here, we have Ed-min with us. [MIKEY: Did… he say “Ed-min”?] We know that some of you are heavily invested in Ed-min’s health. I know that you have an MDawg in your midst. Mikey, I believe you have taken an interest in him, too. We’re willing to offer access to Ed-min, pending your surrender to Operose. However, if you refuse to cooperate…

LIEUTENANT2: …We’ll kill him right here in the Dome. Right in front of all o’ y’all.

MIKEY: It’s… Is that really…? [Huffs.] You wouldn’t!

MDAWG: I already had this discussion with him, Mikey. He will.

LIEUTENANT2: We at Operose cain’t very well breach these new-fangled defensive traps the Compound’s come up with, but those traps won’t do nothin’ to stop you from walkin’ right over here from your own volition.

EAGLE: You are captives in the Compound. Under my leadership, you would all be united. We could all be working together. I could train you into a legitimate fighting force. We could all be part of the same Eagle’s Nest.

TEX: We got our own MDawg back home, and he told us how you are with promises.

MARISSA: Yeah! And “The Eagle’s Nest” is a shitty name!

MW: I mean, I kinda like it, but that ain’t the point.

MIKEY: They… They– They still have Edman. They weren’t lying.

MIKE: You, uh… gonna be okay, Mikey?

MIKEY: Nope! They– They cured him; I have to know!

MW: Mikey, stop!

[Mikey approaches Edman.]

EAGLE: Not so fast.

MIKEY: Edma– [He gets stuck rapidly repeating the last vowel. The sound he makes is like a computer buzzing when it freezes, and we continue to hear it in the background.]

JAMILLA: What did you do to him?

EAGLE: Mikey here is going back in time, one second per second. He’s stuck.

LIEUTENANT2: We got more tricks like that if y’all don’t behave.

TEX: Alright, we’re done playin’ around. Split up into your groups, y’all! They can’t attack us all at once. [The different groups scurry off.] Stick to the plan! Take your quadrant of the Dome like we talked about. Find the iterations. Move, move, move!

EAGLE: I love a good chase. Hold down the fort for me, Lieutenant. MDawg, go clean up Michael. I’ll start chasing everyone down.

TEX: Come here, you wannabe-army bastard!

[Tex starts hitting Lieutenant2, who shouts in pain.]

TEX: You’re not gonna lay a finger on Edman!

[Perspective switch. We hear a series of time travel blips.]

[Characters are heard fighting and struggling in the background for the rest of this scene.]

MATT: Hey! Wh… What!? I’m– …I’m stuck?

JAMILLA: What do you mean… “stuck”? …C’mon! I wanna get as far away from Eagle as possible.

MATT: No! I-I mean. Watch. If I take another step, I end up back there.

[Time travel blips.]

JAMILLA: Uh… What do I do!?

MATT: Leave me! Check your quadrant! The sooner we find them, the sooner we can get out of here.

[Non-diegetic sound leads to perspective switch.]

CHANCE: You check in the shed, babe. I’ll check around the outside.

SHADOW: I’m on it. …Hmm. Why are there six blowtorches in here?

CHANCE: I don’t know! But someone was using them on the outside of the shed. There are scorch marks everywhere.

[Non-diegetic sound leads to perspective switch.]

[Mikey continues to sound like a computer buzzing when it freezes.]

EDGAR: Mikey! Can you hear me? Uh… Uh… Should I touch you? Or am I not supposed to touch you? CANNONBALL! Come in, CANNONBALL. Mikey is frozen in place! We could use some help here.

[Non-diegetic sound leads to perspective switch.]

SLY: They aren’t in here, either!

LIEUTENANT: Sly, I’m thinkin’… maybe we should might turn ourselves in. This plan’s gone belly up. We ain’t gonna find these iterations.

SLY: What are you talkin’ about, Big Bear?

LIEUTENANT: I-I’m just wonderin’ if they’d go easy on us if we gave up. Maybe if we rounded the others up and convinced them, too.

SLY: Listen, I spent a long dang time with Eagle in another timeline. He ain’t gonna go easy on us. More likely cut us open just to look at our insides! Snap out of it, pilgrim! We ain’t never gonna find Mikey and MW with you actin’ like that.

[Non-diegetic sound leads to perspective switch.]

MARISSA: Maybe… move to the left?

MATT: No, I tried that!

MARISSA: No… No, down-left! Like this.

MATT: Like… this? [Time travel blip.] Goddammit!

[Non-diegetic sound leads to perspective switch.]

EAGLE: Ha! Gotchu cornered.

MARISSA: Fat chance, dipshit!

[Time travel blip.]

MARISSA: [Taunting.] Ha, ha! Missed me–! [Time travel blip. She crashes into the shed.] Ow, fuck! …Ugh. [Pause.] Chris? …Ryan? Why do you have blowtorches?

CHANCE: Do you want one? Uh– Hell, take two; we got plenty of these.

MARISSA: Oh, fuckin’ say less, my man. Load me up! [A blowtorch turns on.]

[Non-diegetic sound leads to perspective switch.]

JAMILLA: Edgar! There you are. You have comms, right? Has… anyone found anyone?

EDGAR: No. No sign of them. I don’t think they’re in here.

JAMILLA: I haven’t seen anything, either.

EDGAR: Ty wants us to destroy the control panel that leads to the Trunk. I’m going to go find it. We need to get out of here! Mikey is stuck.

JAMILLA: I’ll come with you.

[Non-diegetic sound leads to perspective switch.]

OUTLAW TY: I can’t see! He– He knocked my goggles off!

CHANCE: Good! Keep them off! Ryan said to keep the goggles off!

[Non-diegetic sound leads to…]

[Scene transition.]

[Mission control ambiance. Keyboard clacking.]

HUNTER: [Speaking to Ty through an earpiece.] Hmm… No… I’m not seeing Mikey or MW on the camera feeds either, Ty. If they were in there, we would have spotted them on the cameras, or Base would have spotted them on the ground. I think it might be time to change our mission goals.

TROY: [Mouth full.] Mm! Tater hot totdot is delicious! [Without food in his mouth.] I’m gonna have to get someone to cook some more of it for me. Charlie, oh my god, did you try this yet?

CHARLIE: I– Oh, yeah, I’m… sure it’s great, Troy. I… don’t [Huffs.] really have an appetite right now. [Keyboard clacking stops.] Ryan, you haven’t seen anything? At all? No movement?

RYAN: Besides the clusterfuck of people moving around in there? Nope. No special rare holographic Dome Editions of Mikey and MW to be found.

HUNTER: Ty says to abandon the search for the Mikes. If they were ever in there, they’re gone now. The new objective is to find and destroy the hidden control panel, and then extracting all personnel.

CANNONBALL: Come in, Base. Ty says that we’re switching objectives–

RYAN: Now hold your horses there, Toph. I just made a breakthrough. It’s not Mikey and MW, but it’s something. Tell everyone to take off their night-vision goggles, quickly!

CANNONBALL: Ryan says to take off the goggles for some reason.

RYAN: I did not ask for editorializing, Toph. Tell them they have five seconds, or it’s gonna hurt!

CANNONBALL: He says you have five seconds to take them off.

RYAN: Five, four, three, two, one… and… There it is! Let there be light! It should be much easier to find a missing person now that everyone can see.

CANNONBALL: Can anyone see the iterations of Mikey or MW? [TEX (through the two-way radio): That’s a negatory. I’m up here on top o’ the shed, and I can’t see nothin’.] One of the Michaels is saying that he can see the whole Dome from where he is, and he doesn’t see them.

RYAN: Well, drat. At least we know they aren’t hiding in the dark somewhere. And O.I. does not seem to be taking the light flooding into their night-vision very well. At the very least, I bought Base a few seconds. It looks like some of the weird stuff they were doing got interrupted. Mikey’s moving again.

CANNONBALL: Why were we so sure they were in this Dome to begin with?

HUNTER: Because the Mikes disappeared at the same time that the Dome appeared.

CHARLIE: And the Dome iteration of Michael said that they were in there. My god, I hope they made it out. I hope that they didn’t get killed. Again! [Sharp exhale.] …Poor Mikey.

TROY: Wait. Mikey is… the biscuits and gravy guy, right?

RYAN: Can we get a muzzle for him?

CHARLIE: What! [TROY: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Let me finish tater tot hotdot.] A muzzle!? Ryan, be nice!

CANNONBALL: Hey. Guys? Edgar’s saying that he’s at the hidden control panel. He’s about to destroy it.

HUNTER: I think that’s the only remaining objective. Ty, Edgar is destroying the control panel. Do you want us to prepare to extract them? [Pause.] Ty says extract them.

CANNONBALL: Everyone, prepare for extraction.

MIKEY [through the two-way radio]: [Overlapping MW.] No, we can’t leave! We haven’t found the iterations; they’ve gotta be in here somewhere.

MW [through the two-way radio]: [Overlapping Mikey.] Somethin’s wrong. We can’t leave ’til we find ’em.

CANNONBALL: Mikey and MW are throwin’ a fit about finding their iterations.

RYAN: Too bad. They’ll have plenty of time to cry when they’re out of the mystery time travel sauna. Give them a countdown, Toph! We’re bringing our boys home… Or we’re bringing them back to their own Dome, at least.

CHARLIE: Kind of a bummer that they have to go back into the Dome! [Quietly.] I was… really looking forward to seeing Marissa more.

CANNONBALL: Beginning extraction in three… two… one…

[Time travel noise.]

TROY: …Alright, good job, team! We did it.

RYAN: Who the hell is “we”?

HUNTER: Ty is reporting that everyone is back in the Compound. He will debrief everyone, and send the Texas crew home. Great job, everyone! Especially you, Ryan. Turning the lights on really helped wrap things up.

RYAN: It’s what I do best. Congratulations, everyone! It was a mixed success, but we did everything we could from here.

CHARLIE: I… guess they weren’t in there…

TROY [assured]: It’s okay, Charlie, we’ll find ’em. You and me.

CHARLIE [enlivened]: Yeah! You know what? We will! They have to be out there somewhere.

RYAN: Overall, I consider it a win. Nobody got killed, and nobody took Toph hostage. What more could you ask for?

CANNONBALL: Don’t give them any ideas.

HUNTER: Great work, team! Start shutting everything down. Everybody grab some tater tot hotdish for the road, and then everybody. [Growly.] Get out of my cabin!

[Scene transition.]

[“Everyone Is Alive! (Except That One Guy)” is playing at a celebration.]

[There are multiple, overlapping conversations. The following is one conversation.]

CHANCE: –Whoa, wait. You went– You went to our cabin to give cheese to Peter? [Huffs.] Charlie, you didn’t have to do that! I mean–! [Huffs.] I figured he was going to be okay. He’s a– He’s a tough little guy, but… Oh, thank you for doing that. I’m glad– I’m glad he’s doin’ okay.

CHARLIE: Of course I gave Peter cheese while you guys were away! I’m not about to let the little guys starve to death when you guys are on your missions. That’s just cruel! We’ve already lost way too many furry creatures in our time travel endeavors, and I’m not about to let it happen again! Rest in peace, Chubbums. We miss you.

CHANCE: Rest in peace, Chubbums.

MARISSA: Fuckin’ A. R.I.P. to you, little man.

CHANCE: We have Tracing now. Can we not just go back, and get Chubbums? Like, like, I know Chubbums was fuckin’ yeeted into space, but can we not just find the millisecond that Chubbums was put there, and then take her? Cause, like, no one– no one from the past is gonna have to know; it’s not, like, gonna change anything with the timeline, but… we can get Chubbums back. Let’s do it for Mikey’s birthday!

[The following is another conversation.]

SHADOW: [Chuckles.] I mean, it’s been so long, I cannot remember. But, that said… There was one time when we were both out. It was a bit of a frightening… situation. You see, I had gotten separated when I, you might recall, almost died. Not for the first or the last time… [Conversation continues in the background.]

[The following is another conversation.]

TROY: So, the other day, I, uh, I found these toenail clippings in my room, but, like, I don’t even have toenails. So, I’m not quite sure whose–

MIKEY: Troy, what do you mean you don’t have toenails? I don’t know how you’re confused about this? You– Do you know what toenails are? You have to know what toenails are. [Conversation fades out.]

[The following is another conversation.]

EDGAR: Oh, my goodness. [Chuckles.] Oh, my gosh…

[The following is another conversation.]

TROY: Yeah, so I went to the store, and I was by “orange juice,” but they were out of orange juice, can you believe it? Oh my god, it makes no sense! Like, ah, it’s the only thing you should sell! Why sell anything else?

[The following is the final conversation.]

MIKEY: Did you know that Mike was going to be doing a DJ set at this party? 

MW: Man, they don’t tell me nothin’. They didn’t tell me that this was gonna be at Troy’s house, or that Troy’s got a mansion.

MIKEY: Yeah, what about you guys? Did you guys know about this place?

CHANCE: Marissa. Before now, did you know that Troy lived in a mansion?

MARISSA: No, what the fuck? I would have been partying here all the time if I knew this place existed. Hey! How can Troy afford a fuckin’ mansion on an O.V.E.R. salary anyway?

CHARLIE: Troy makes the same amount of money as I do, Sunshine. At least, I’m pretty sure he does.

MIKEY: I’m telling you, Charlie, you need to talk to someone about fair compensation.

CHANCE: No offense, but you can’t afford a place like this, right, Charlie? If so, I really need a fuckin’ raise.

CHARLIE: I wish! No, not even close. If I did, Marissa and I would have the cutest little cottage out in the middle of nowhere. That money has to be coming from somewhere else. Definitely not O.V.E.R.

TROY: Hah! Is everyone doin’, uh– Is everyone havin’ a good time over here? Can I get anyone anything? Drinks, snacks, drinks? We got pigs in a blanket over on the snacks table. Snacks?

CHANCE: I think we’re good, Troy. Thank you, though.

TROY: Sure thing; well, hey. If you need anything, just give me a holler, or flag the butler down. He should be around here somewhere.

MIKEY: Ex– Flag the who–? And he’s gone.

EDGAR: I think that was a joke.

MARISSA: Ah. Well, I’m glad… someone can tell when he’s joking…

SHADOW: Well, I think he’s FLINCH.

MW: Ryan, c’mon. The evidence don’t fit. …Does it?

MIKEY: No, it doesn’t fit! Do not entertain that idea. Can you imagine what WOE.BEGONE would’ve been like if Troy was FLINCH?

CHARLIE: Troy? Keep a secret like that from me? I really don’t think he could. If Troy was FLINCH, I would know. Absolutely. If you ask me, though? He probably does have some sort of secret? I just… haven’t figured it out yet!

MARISSA: Like a secret mansion! For starters.

CHARLIE: …So, when… do you all have to go back to the Compound?

EDGAR: We have a few days. Not too long. Just long enough to get rested, say hi to some people. Ty is making good on his promise, though. We are officially “Compound employees.”

CHANCE: It’s better than being trapped in the Dome so far.

CHARLIE: Ooh, okay, wait! So if you guys are actual Compound employees now, does that mean you guys get to know the real name of the Compound?

SHADOW: It’s still just “The Compound.” Nothing has a company name on it. Our ID badges just have our names and an employee ID number.

MIKEY: Your badges have an ID number; the Mikes have colors…

MARISSA: Well! [Exhales.] If there’s one thing, at least I get to spend some quality time with my best girl again! C’mere, you! [Kisses Charlie, who giggles.] Just you fuckin’ wait, babe. I’ll hijack some of that time travel tech just so I can come back and visit you.

CHARLIE: Marissa! [Laughs.] You know my cabin’s always open to you. It’s honestly a little too quiet when you’re not there. God, I missed you so much…

MARISSA: [Playful.] Haha, nerd. [Nonchalantly.] Eh, I was doing fine on my own.

CHANCE: She never shut up about you for even a second, Charlie.

EDGAR: And Marissa accuses me and Mikey of being a gross couple?

MIKEY: Yeah! We’re not the gross ones, you are!

MARISSA: Oh, Mikey… The second this dopamine wears off, I’m coming after your kneecaps.

MIKEY: You can’t even prove that I have kneecaps. [A door opens.] Oh, hey!

[Jam, Sly, Lieutenant, and Matt enter. Multiple people greet them simultaneously. MARISSA: Hey! Look who finally showed up! EDGAR: You made it! MW: Howdy, y’all.]

MATT: The life of the party’s here!

LIEUTENANT: Howdy, y’all. Great to see everyone again. Feels good to be back.

SLY: Y’started without us! That’s okay, we can catch up.

JAMILLA: Since when does Troy have a mansion?

MIKEY: We don’t know. My current hypothesis is “rich uncle.”

TROY: Ye-he-heah! Guys. It’s not a mansion. It’s just a really, really big house. [Quietly.] …There’s– There’s a difference, okay? Just– [Normal volume.] Just grab some food and drink, everybody! Party’s just getting started!

MIKEY: I mean, I can’t argue with that. It’s been a long couple of days; let’s party!

[Music abruptly ends.]

CHARLIE: Hey, everyone! Glad you could make it! [Pause.] Um… Hi, there. Um… Who is… this new person, anybody…? I mean, sorry. It’s nice to meet a new cowboy iteration and everything, but… where is Michael?

[Kerosene (Pt. 4) plays.]

I made a name

In the intervening years

Took care of some things

And started to forget

The songs that I wrote

I must have stood by cause

I scrawled them in my blood

And we’re still catching up

And the size of my heart

That is caught in my throat

Didn’t shrink like i thought it would

Kerosene keeps me warm

Kerosene keeps me warm

I’ll burn until it’s gone

The years cascade I’m overfull

The runoff is lapping at your door

Eulogized and atomized you

For the sake of song

Kerosene keeps me warm

I think I’ll hold out until the storm is gone

Then i’ll be out for more

You should see what I am writing about now

The endless thrum

Has just begun

In the mountains

That i met you in

The walls closing in

Are a part of my skin

It’s been a while since i

Embarked into the wilderness

I was Bitter i thought

For a justified cause

Because taste in my mouth

Never sweetened enough

And the shift in perspective

That i thought wouldn’t come

Didn’t hurt like i thought it would

Kerosene keeps me warm

I’ll burn until it’s gone

The scars are healed a decade in

I couldn’t see the future then

An eternity of knowing me

Feels just a little long

Kerosene keeps me warm

And to burn it all down

By this point feels wrong

[Closing theme starts playing.]

CREDITS: This has been WOE.BEGONE.

The voice of Cole was Cole Weavers. Check out his podcasts The Town Whispers and Tiny Terrors. I wrote the theme song for that one.

The voice of Felix was Ben Rowe.

The voice of Boris was Alexandr Batenko.

The voice of Bill The Bar Patron was Harry.

The voice of CANNONBALL was Nathan Lunsford. Check out his podcast The Storage Papers.

The voice of Hunter Jeremiah Hartley was Gary Furlong. Check him out at garyfurlongvo.

The voice of Ryan was Kevin Berrey. Check out his podcast Hell Gate City.

The voice of Troy was Athans. Check out his podcast The Grotto.

The voice of Charlie was Lyssa Jay. Check out their podcast 400 Words A Horror. They’re also in The Grotto.

The voice of Ty Betteridge was David Ault. I don’t have time to do the rap, but do listen to Shadows At The Door.

The voice of Jamilla Gardner was Rae Lundberg. Check out their podcast The Night Post.

The voice of Sylvester August Baxter was Harlan Guthrie. Check out his podcast Malevolent.

The voice of Matt Lastname was Jamie Petronis. Check out his podcast The Cellar Letters.

The voice of Chance was Taylor Michaels. Check him out in The Grotto and The Department of Variance of Somewhere, Ohio.

The voice of Marissa Ng was Michelle Kan. Check them out at fswrites.

The voice of Shadow was William A. Wellmen. Check out their podcast Hello From The Hallowoods.

The voice of Edgar was Jeremy Enfinger. Check out their podcast The Storage Papers, a second time.

And the voice of Eagle was Steve Anzalone. Check out his podcast The Sleep Wake Cycle and Maeltopia.

And, most of all, thanks for playing.

[Closing theme plays out.]

BLOOPER (ATHAN): [Cowboy voice.] Hey, guys, it’s me; I’m the new cowboy at the end of the episode. Spoiler alert. [Voice wobbles.] I don’t know why my cowboy voice sounded like an old lady. [Cowlady voice.] Can someone help me up? I’ve fallen down a lot. I’d just like to read my Sudokus! And– [Chuckles.] And chain-smoke cigarettes on the balcony! [Normal voice.] I don’t fuckin’ know what I’m doing.

[Brief start-stop of the closing theme.]

BLOOPER (SLY): Just sure as my name is Sylvaster August Baxter!

BLOOPER (LIEUTENANT): Did you say your name, “Sylvaster”? Are you a– Are you a different iteration, too?

[Brief start-stop of the closing theme.]

BLOOPER (CHANCE): Why does the grass burn!? [Pauses, then briefly laughs.] Or, conversely, why is the gr– [Half-chuckles.] Why is the grass cold? [Laughs.]

[Brief start-stop of the closing theme.]

BLOOPER (CHANCE): Good, good, keep them off! Ryan said, “Keep the goggles off.” [Quietly.] Why am I–? Why am I saying that? I’m… I’m so… intrigued to know [Brief chuckle.] what has led to that needing to happen.

[Brief start-stop of the closing theme.]

BLOOPER (CHARLIE): Do I need to start… bringing… you treats, and… training you like a dog? [Briefly laughs. Breaks character.] Charlie would never; that’s so mean! [Laughs.]

[Brief start-stop of the closing theme.]

AFTER CREDITS (LYSSA): I’m sorry, we’re partying in Troy’s mansion? I’m sorry? What!? Excuse you? [Laughs.] Troy? Is rich? [Said while laughing.] Let’s fucking go?

[Brief start-stop of the closing theme.]

BLOOPER (MARISSA): No one’s allowed to touch a hair on Mikey’s head except for m– [Michelle’s natural accent.] Nope! That’s… not true! That’s not true, because, uh… Edgar is also allowed to touch a hair on, uh… probably several hairs, on Mikey’s head, so that’s… that’s… invalid. Scratch that. Pick up!

[Brief start-stop of the closing theme.]

BLOOPER (MARISSA): Don’t you fuckin’ play games with me right now; you know damn well that he’s not here! I’m [Michelle’s natural accent.] sick and tired of your bullsh–! [Pauses.] Accent slip! Woo!

[END Episode 144.]