143: The Peril Of The Undisciplined Lieutenant

SUMMARY

It’s a Michael-eat-Michael world out there.

TRANSCRIPT

Transcript created and edited by Theo and reviewed by Jenah

[BEGIN Episode 143.]

INTRO: Hey, guys. Quick plugs. I’m back in the groove streaming on Twitch every Sunday at twitch.tv/woebegonepod, where every week I write that week’s episode soundtrack, and then we hang out and play a video game. We played GeoGuessr this past Sunday; it was a lot of fun. So come and hang out. That’s twitch.tv/woebegonepod. And if you’d like to support the show, you can do so on Patreon at patreon.com/woe_begone, where you can get early access to ad-free episodes, instrumentals, soundtrack albums, Q&As, director’s commentaries, Movies with Michael, postcards, and more. A few days ago, I finished up the December Q&A, and I had a lot of fun doing that, so I thought I would plug that. That’s normally for $2-and-up patrons, but I accidentally made it available to all patrons, so… if you want to throw me a buck, you can head over there and enjoy that. But don’t get used to it. That is patreon.com/woe_begone. Special thanks to my 10 newest patrons: [REDACTED] for supporting the show. Enjoy.

[Warning: This episode contains a depiction of violence. Listener discretion is advised.]

[Door opens.]

LIEUTENANT: MDawg, my boy. Good to see ya, bud. How’s my favorite soldier doin’ today?

MDAWG: [Sighs.] I’m… tired, sir. My aura feels weak. And I’m not your favorite soldier, you’ve got a whole army of Michaels.

LIEUTENANT: Yeah, but those guys are just like me. Makes us bicker sometimes. [Brief chuckle.] Hell, uh, 223 and 1,062 got in a fist fight this mornin’ in trainin’.

MDAWG: Did you say 1,062? T-There are over a thousand Michaels?

LIEUTENANT: You don’t know the half of it, pilgrim.

MDAWG: Okay, if there are a thousand Michaels, how many MDawgs are there?

LIEUTENANT: Less and less of them every day, the things are goin’. Makes you all the more valuable. Sorry to hear your aura’s weak, or whatever. Is there anything I can do?

MDAWG: You know what you can do, Lieutenant. I want to see EdMan. I don’t care about anything else.

LIEUTENANT: O’ course you wanna see EdMan, but… you know that ain’t up to me to decide. That’s O.I.’s call. I’d… wanna see him, too, if I were you. I-I just hope ya understand, there ain’t nothin’ I can do.

MDAWG: I don’t know, Lieutenant. Tell ’em that your favorite soldier’s aura is getting pale, and that he needs to see his husband. I don’t even know for a fact that he’s still alive; you could be lying to me. I’ve tried to meditate about it, I’ve tried to feel him out there in the world, and if he’s in the physical world, or if he’s moved on, and [Inhales.] I can’t tell; the vibes are so bad in here. I need to see him.

LIEUTENANT: I’m sure it cain’t help that his aura’s locked up tight behind bullet-proof glass, I’ll tell ya that. But we don’t go around destroyin’ all our valuable assets all willy-nilly-like. You can rest assured that he’s still kickin’ around here somewhere. We got copies o’ everyone. That’s why we still got one o’ you, MDawg. Cause some of y’all been droppin’ like flies. You and EdMan are both valuable. Ya gotta trust me. You’re more valuable than me, I reckon.

MDAWG: I’ll try to be grateful that you find me valuable, Lieutenant? But I don’t really understand why you find me valuable. I have expertise, but it’s not like you’re letting me lead your army in stretches. Though you should; you’d save a lot of pulled muscles in battle. So it doesn’t seem like you want me for anything in particular, so I don’t understand how I’m valuable.

LIEUTENANT: Guess I never thought about it that way, pard. So, [Brief chuckle.] I guess I’ll just kill ya if ya ain’t got nothin’ to offer. [Snickers.] …Oh, come on, pilgrim. I’m jokin’. You didn’t think I’d kill ya, didya?

MDAWG: As long as you’re not letting me see EdMan? I don’t really care what you do. It’s-It’s chill. Jus– Whatever you want.

LIEUTENANT: Now see, I mighta drug you kickin’ and screamin’ into it, but you’re soundin’ more and more like a soldier. That trainin’ that Eagle and me has been givin’ ya is payin’ off. What you just said ain’t no different than how the Michaels act. Live or die, what’s important is ya get to your goal. It’s all water in the same stream, right? That’s the hippie-dippie way o’ puttin’ it.

MDAWG: [Sighs.] Sure.

LIEUTENANT: That’s all the more reason I can send you out on a mission as a valuable asset. I know ya got the mindset to do great out there. You’re tough and ready.

MDAWG: You’re right, Michael.

LIEUTENANT: Lieutenant.

MDAWG: You’re right, Lieutenant, that you have made me tough and ready, and I resent that. I don’t want to be tough and ready, I want to be soft and flexible. I want to bend in the wind. I want my peaceful life with EdMan back. The more you train me, the further away I get from zen. And if I can’t be zen, then I can’t have the life that I want with EdMan, even if you unite us. Not as long as you keep carving me up and resuscitating me and changing me. I won’t be the same. I won’t be the MDawg that can live the idyllic life that I deserve to have with EdMan, or at least the life that EdMan deserves. I’m sure you’re doing something similar to him, which is why we can never have what we could’ve had. We can never be chill again. Only tough and ready.

LIEUTENANT: Well, I sure am sorry ya feel that way, MDawg, but… with all do respect, you can cry me a river. You ain’t any near as deep as ya think ya are. Ya think you’re in the depths, but your feet are touchin’ the bottom. You gotta life to go back to, and when ya get back to that life, you’ll understand that it don’t matter if it’s really you. What matters is you’re really there. It ain’t like that for me. I ain’t got nowhere to go back to if O.I. cut me loose. You’re still MDawg, but… I’m Lieutenant now.

MDAWG: Well, it sounds like you got done dirty, too, Lieutenant. Maybe your loyalty got misplaced.

LIEUTENANT: Horseshit. Ain’t no side worth me bein’ loyal to. Ain’t no room for me somewhere else. I’ve got a cot and three squares here. I’m Lieutenant now, so that’s what I’m gonna be. But I didn’t drag you outta containment in order to talk about this, soldier. You asked how you is valuable; I’ll tell ya. We got us a new piece o’ equipment on the used market, and we need someone to go in and do some recon.

MDAWG: W-What does that have to do with me, Lieutenant? Unless you want me to bring some essential oils, and spruce the place up.

LIEUTENANT: It could use some sprucin’ up, pard. What happened was, we made a copy of that fancy Dome what Base was stayin’ in at the Compound. Normally, Operose’s capabilities mean they can just make a copy o’ anything they want, but the Compound got clever. They got a fancy, new, defensive array. It didn’t stop us from makin’ a new Dome, but… it sure ain’t what we signed up for. We need someone to head in there, and make a catalog of what’s in there and what ain’t. You’ve infiltrated Base before. You know where to look for everything.

MDAWG: I can’t tell if this is a suicide mission or gruntwork.

LIEUTENANT: That’s cause I don’t know. Could be fine and stable, the whole thing empty. Or it could be crawlin’ with danger. ‘Course, I’ll be in your ear for backup, if’n ya need me.

MDAWG: And if I do a good job, and prove that I’ve earned my place here, will you take me to see EdMan?

LIEUTENANT: We’ll talk about all that after the mission.

MDAWG: Bullshit, Michael, I know what that means.

LIEUTENANT: It’s Lieutenant.

MDAWG: “We can talk about it later” always means “no.” And there are only so many times that I can go with the flow on that.

LIEUTENANT: [Sighs.] I wish I could say you’re wrong, MDawg. They got no intention of takin’ requests from you to see EdMan. No amount of your rabble-rousin’ll get you to see ‘im. If they show him to ya, it’ll be their decision alone. I… [Conflicted.] …If’n you promise to keep your yap shut about this forever, and I do mean forever, cause if this propagates, I’m dead. I can… [Falters.] Jus– [Stammers.] Co– C’mere, come with me.

MDAWG: Michael, what, a-are you–?

LIEUTENANT: Yes, I am. Quickly. Come. And you better be damn quiet, y’hear?

MDAWG: I– Uh, I– Yeah.

LIEUTENANT: Yes, sir, Lieutenant.

MDAWG: Yes, sir, Lieutenant.

[Door opens. We hear footsteps echoing. MDawg breathes heavily.]

LIEUTENANT [quietly]: Get your dang breathin’ under control, pard. [MDawg stops breathing heavily.] You look suspicious.

[The footsteps stop. Lieutenant presses an elevator button. A bell dings, and the elevator doors open.]

MDAWG: We’re going up? We’ve been in the same [LIEUTENANT: Shh.] building the whole time?

LIEUTENANT [quietly]: Quiet. No questions.

[The elevator car starts moving.]

LIEUTENANT [quietly]: We’re gonna take a right out of the elevator, then down three doors. You got it? Do not look around. I will open the door. You may not speak. [The elevator car stops moving, and the doors open.] Nod if you understand.

[We hear footsteps echoing. A door opens and closes, and the footsteps stop.]

MDAWG [strangled]: E-EdMan. [LIEUTENANT: Shh.]

LIEUTENANT [quietly]: He can’t hear ya from the other side o’ the glass, but… that’s him.

MDAWG [whispering]: That scar. What did you do to him?

LIEUTENANT [quietly]: I didn’t do nothin’. There, I-I showed him to ya, we don’t got time; we gotta go. Eagle’s gonna kill us.

MDAWG [quietly]: I’m gonna get us out [MDawg places his hands on the glass window.] of here, EdMan.

LIEUTENANT: Get your grubby mitts off the glass. People will know we were here. …C’mon, MDawg. Let’s go. We gotta get you in that Dome.

[Opening theme plays.]

[We hear multiple time travel noises in quick succession. MDawg coughs and groans.]

LIEUTENANT: You’re okay. Hey! MDawg! MDawg! Hey. Let’s get this helmet off o’ ya. [MDawg gasps.] You’re okay. You’re okay. Breathe. …That’s right, breathe.

MDAWG [rushed]: Lieutenant. What the fuck was that? I couldn’t– I couldn’t see shit, my helmet fogged up. I wa– I was popping in and out, it’s like I was here? And there. And then I felt something slash across me. I-it ripped across the suit? I-I couldn’t see it, I-I couldn’t even tell where in the Dome I was, it was pitch black.

LIEUTENANT: That ain’t nothin’ that I weren’t expectin’, pard. That’s about what happened to me when I was sent to retrieve Troy from Texas. ‘Cept back then, we didn’t know about the defensive array, or what it did. I went out there in only my boots and my uniform, and boy, did it cut me up somethin’ fierce. I needed stitches in three different places. That’s why we got you in that fancy suit. You said it was pitch dark in there?

MDAWG: I might as well have had my eyes closed. The only way that I could tell that I wasn’t going blind or something is that everytime it went black, it got hot. Not normal summer hot, more like the inside of a sauna hot. Or even hotter than that. Lieutenant, what the hell is going on in there?

LIEUTENANT: I reckon it’s cause we ripped it up outta the ground in the Compound. I’m sure some o’ the electronics didn’t survive the journey. Maybe some wires got cut, or some sensitive sensors got triggered or destroyed. That’s why we’re sendin’ you on the recon mission. To see what’s in there to salvage.

MDAWG: Well, were you planning on salvaging any people? Because I think I heard voices in there. Unless that was you in my earpiece.

LIEUTENANT: It weren’t me. You’re sayin’ it’s a fellow what sounded like me?

MDAWG: I could barely hear them, but yes.

LIEUTENANT: Well, that could be damn-near anyone, I reckon.

MDAWG: Seriously, though. Is there a Michael in there?

LIEUTENANT: Sounds like it. The Dome might be a bigger score than we thought. What a deal for Operose. ‘Course you gotta go back in there. We ain’t done.

MDAWG: Wait, Lieutenant! I can’t see shit, and I keep popping back out. There’s no point in putting me back in there.

LIEUTENANT: I’m gonna tweak some stuff. Plus the array will be weaker every time we attack it. Eventually it’ll give way, and you can walk right in. It… might hurt a little bit until then. Oh, and, uh, here. I got some night-vision goggles for ya. No use sending ya in if ya cain’t see. First thing I want you to look around for is the boulders. Ya got it?

MDAWG: [Huffs.] Can I catch my breath? I just got back.

LIEUTENANT: Better not to rest too long. You’ll get stiff and tired. Gotta keep that energy up, pard. Alright. I’m sendin’ ya back in in three… two… [MDAWG: Ugh, my aura’s going to disappear–] one…

[We hear multiple time travel noises in quick succession.]

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Come in, MDawg. [MDawg catches his breath.] Are you in the Dome? Cause ya sure as hell ain’t here no more.

MDAWG: Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m here. Um, I can see now. Uh, I’m standing in the yard at Base? Uh, there’s the Base, and then there’s a weird, little shed on the other side of the yard.

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Do ya see the boulders anywhere?

MDAWG: No, I don’t see any boulders anywhere. I guess they could be behind the Base.

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Naw, they’re too dang big to be behind somethin’. You’d see ’em.

MDAWG: Okay, so did something go wrong? Are the boulders supposed to be in here?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: We certainly woulda liked for that to be the case. Though that mighta been some wishful thinkin’ on our part. I’m sure the Compound’s been spendin’ extra dollars makin’ sure that those boulders don’t move nowhere. Even if the Dome around ’em does.

MDAWG: Lieutenant, I see three lights moving around in Base, like flashlights or something? Pretty dim, uh… If I had to guess, i– Mikey and Michael and t-the second one?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: That’s Emdubya. What the heck’re they doin’ here?

MDAWG: I don’t know, could it have something to do with this shed thing that I’m in front of? It’s not a normal shed; someone put, like, a fancy wooden door on it? And I can see a chimney on top? Is this, like, a-a guest house? Was somebody living in it?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: If those chuckleheads weren’t in the Base when things started to move, there’s no tellin’ what coulda happened. Looks like their friends inside the Base got protected, and the Mikes got drug along with the Dome.

MDAWG: What do you mean, “drug along”? Do you think that they got iterated when the Dome got iterated, or do you think that these are the Mikes from the Compound?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Could be either. This ain’t what we were expectin’. Somethin’ malfunctioned, and it’s gonna take us a while to figure out how it malfunctioned.

MDAWG: Isn’t that potentially really bad, though? What if they’re from the Compound, and the Compound notices they’re missing, and decides to trace them?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Well, they’ll trace ’em to where the new Dome is, pard, and they’ll be in for quite a surprise. Cause it ain’t hangin’ around Operose.

MDAWG: Where am I, Lieutenant?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: You’re in the Dome, and you’re takin’ orders from your superior officer. That’s all that matters.

MDAWG: Michael– Lieutenant. I just wanna know what kind of danger I’m in.

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: The type o’ danger that gets your EdMan back to ya. How does that sound? Now. Are them lights still on inside the Base?

MDAWG: Yes. Three lights, all moving.

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: So you can’t go in there, then? You said you’re outside some kinda shed?

MDAWG: Yeah, a shed or a house or something.

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Well, let’s see if that’s got anything worth lookin’ at, then.

MDAWG: Alright. [Door opens.] I’m heading into the shed. Yup, I would say that people have been living in here, alright. There are… two beds, uh, made of sleeping bags and blankets? Uh, Michael’s got his stack of cowboy hats, uh, there’s some boots here, just… all sorts of paper and junk sitting around, and a bowl of noodles… that does not look fresh. And, of course, Michael’s journal beside his bed.

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Take a quick peak in that journal, pard. See if you can figure out what they’re up to. Maybe they know better than we do what’s going on. They could be here on purpose.

MDAWG: Uh, wha– For what purpose, Lieutenant?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Could be they were tasked with sabotagin’ the Dome iteration. Now get readin’.

MDAWG: [Flips the pages.] Alright, alright. It’s… mostly poetry, uh, and it doesn’t look good… Do you write stuff like this, Lieutenant?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: That ain’t none o’ you damn business.

MDAWG: [Continues flipping pages.] Okay, I’m just saying, if you’ve written a poem called “August the Heart-Breakin’ Badger,” I know about it now.

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Get to the good stuff already.

MDAWG: [Continues flipping pages.] Okay, um… How about this: [Paper rustling.] “I regret to announce that this is a new Michael writing in an old journal. The previous Michael has successfully mutinied and escaped to Texas, taking the only known Calculator inside of the Dome with them.” [He flips the page.] Is this the same Texas Base that you visited?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Yup, there’s all sorts of Mikes down there, but I was there for Troy.

MDAWG: [Paper rustling.] “All three of us were iterated to facilitate their escape. Ty isn’t any the wiser, which puts us in a bind. Ratting them out to Ty would jeopardize any attempts we might make to escape, but so does leaving those iterations alive. I was iterated from Michael right before he left, so I know that he has the intention of killing us instead of consolidating with us after we escape, out of fear that the consolidations would too profoundly change them…” So this Michael thinks he’s gonna die.

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: He’s prolly right. It’s a Michael-eat-Michael world out there.

MDAWG: Yeah, he does not want to give [He flips several pages.] peace a chance, because it continues. “Unfortunately for those traitors, we have found an escape hatch that does not require the Calculators. Edgar found a control panel hatch in the side of the Dome that has emergency access to the Trunk. The Trunk is the place that I went when I was infiltrating the Compound. We plan on attempting an escape as soon as we can be certain that it would evade Ty’s search. We have decided not to make further iterations in an attempt to escape, which would only restart the process. The other two want to make peace. They think that we would have the upper hand if we show up to Texas unannounced and demand to be consolidated. Mikey seems certain that the other members of the Texas Posse won’t let them kill us. He seems to especially value the opinion of a large horse named Bluster. I am not so optimistic. I am experienced with the disposition of horses, and they can be unexpectedly bloodthirsty.” [LIEUTENANT (through earpiece): Ornery.] “However, I do not intend to tell them of my personal plans until the first shots are already ringing out, at which point they will have no choice but to stand by my side.” Some pretty brutal stuff. I don’t think that they intended to be here.

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: I don’t think so either, pard. Seems like there was already an escape plan, and that was out the Trunk.

MDAWG: And then, after that, there’s a, uh… a burnt, flash drive taped…? [We hear the sound of rustling plastic.] to the inside of the page? And the page says, “Michael control program destroyed. Mikey attempted to keep a back-up. Blowtorched it to smithereens.”

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: You’re gonna wanna hold on to that ‘un, pard. That sounds like the program what killed all the Michaels durin’ the battle. They cain’t do it to me no more, but… I sure’d like to get my grubby little paws on it. Assumin’ that we can do some forensic data recovery.

MDAWG: It looks pretty melted, Lieutenant. I’m not optimistic.

[Mikey, Michael, and MW can be heard talking through the remaining scene. For the breakdown of everything they say, please see the Episode 142 transcript, beginning with the below Mikey line.]

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Yeah, and this ain’t normal data recovery, pilgrim. [MIKEY (faint): I saw it.] This is Operose data recovery.

MDAWG: Fuck, Lieutenant! They’re coming over here. What do I do?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Get out of the dang shed! If they find ya in there, ya ain’t got nowhere to run.

MDAWG: Right, right.

MW [close by]: We didn’t see anything, Mikey, and you were gettin’ riled up.

MDAWG: Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck.

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: It’s alright, MDawg. You’re fine. They don’t know you’re out there, do they?

MDAWG [whispering]: No. They can’t see me. It’s too dark, but they’re right on the other side of the shed!

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: They ain’t lookin’ for nothin’. They don’t got no reason to look around in the dark for ya.

MDAWG [whispering]: This is too dangerous, Lieutenant. Shouldn’t you extract me?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: I’m not done with you yet.

MDAWG [whispering]: “Not done” with me? What are you going to do?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: While you was readin’ that journal entry from that Michael, I was thinkin’ about the pep talk I was givin’ you earlier about how you should hold out hope. And I think I was bein’ too hard on myself. We ain’t any different from one another. You and me, MDawg. There’s still a life for me out there. I just gotta reach out, and take it. I forgot that.

MDAWG [whispering]: What are you talking about? What does that have to do with this?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: This Michael’s ripe for the pickin’. This ‘un here’s gonna kill the other iteration when he gets free. That’ll make him Sly’s Michael. And I’ve been given an opportunity to strike while the iron’s hot.

MDAWG [whispering]: You’re saying you’re gonna take his place?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: That’s the plan. I’m comin’ in.

MDAWG [whispering]: The plan doesn’t make any sense! What about Operose? What happens when you run off to become this Michael, and never come back?

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Easy. I’ll make a new iteration, and that new iteration’ll be Lieutenant.

MDAWG [whispering]: Did you not hear the journal entry? That’ll cause a feedback loop. 

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Not with the Army Michaels. We’re disciplined. And I’m the top dog. It’ll be an order.

MDAWG [whispering]: Okay, what about me? I could tell Operose you deserted! And then they’ll come after you, and then Eagle will h–

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: New Lieutenant will kill ya.

MDAWG [whispering]: No, this has gone too far. I’m not gonna let you take over Michael’s life. I’m going to explain to these iterations what’s going on. [Yelling.] Hey!

MIKEY [close by]: Fuck, did you– You s– you heard that, you saw that!

LIEUTENANT [through earpiece]: Thanks for the distraction, idiot.

MW: All I heard [Time travel noise and distorted sound effect start.] was you slammin’ your palm against the side of the shed.

MIKEY: There’s something on the other side of the shed. I saw it, it’s looking at [Time travel noise and distorted sound effect stop.] us. [Projecting.] Hello? Hello??

MW: Michael, I didn’t see nothin’.

MICHAEL: Maybe you just ain’t built for the heat, Mikey.

[Cut.]

MW: Michael, you remember bein’ him, right? Remember how scared you used to get?

MICHAEL: Well, the scaredy cat’s on thin ice.

MW: We need to get movin’. We need to make it to the panel. Mikey, stay with me, and don’t run off. Okay?

MIKEY: [Sighs.] Okay. Let’s go.

[We hear footsteps on grass. Lieutenant discreetly stabs Michael, who makes a noise of surprise and then pain. Lieutenant shushes him.]

LIEUTENANT [quietly]: Michael, it’s over. They cain’t see us back here. I’m takin’ your place. I’m gonna need that hat.

MICHAEL [strangled, without the cowboy voice]: L-Lieutenant?

LIEUTENANT [quietly]: Not anymore. It’s Michael. [Michael wheezes.] And it’s your fault I ended up in Operose. You’re the one who gave yourself over to Ty, so you pay the price. Goodbye, Michael… Now let’s get to the Trunk.

[We continue to hear footsteps on grass. Someone pats Lieutenant.]

LIEUTENANT [as MICHAEL]: Don’t fuckin’ touch me right now, Mikey. I ain’t in the mood. We can say our sorrys to each other out in the daylight.

MIKEY: Uh, Michael? What are you talking about? I’m over here.

MW: Yeah, I’m over here with him. What’s goin’ on?

LIEUTENANT [as MICHAEL]: Well, one o’ ya slapped me on the back… I ain’t in the mood. Which one o’ ya was it?

MIKEY: I-It wasn’t me, look how far away from you I am.

MW: Yup, and I’ve been keepin’ my eye on Mikey. Neither of us touched ya, Michael.

MIKEY: I told you that I saw something.

LIEUTENANT [as MICHAEL]: We need to get to that fuckin’ panel.

[Scene transition.]

[Door slams open and shut. MICHAEL’s breathing is labored.]

MICHAEL [raspy, without the cowboy voice]: Edgar, Edgar! Oh, where is it!? I’ve gotta warn you. [We hear rummaging noises as he growls and grunts.] Y-You still have it! [Rummaging noises continue.] Ah, where is it? Where–? Where–? Where’s the button!? Where’s the button!? I’ve gotta warn them! [He yells, then growls, then stops. He presses the O.V.E.R. emergency button several times.]

[Closing theme plays.]Door slams open and shut. MICHAEL’s breathing is labored.]

MICHAEL [raspy, without the cowboy voice]: Edgar, Edgar! Oh, where is it!? I’ve gotta warn you. [We hear rummaging noises as he growls and grunts.] Y-You still have it! [Rummaging noises continue.] Ah, where is it? Where–? Where–? Where’s the button!? Where’s the button!? I’ve gotta warn them! [He yells, then growls, then stops. He presses the O.V.E.R. emergency button several times.]

[Closing theme plays.]

AFTER-CREDITS: [Kerosene (Pt. 2) plays.]

My heart’s the same size as it was
There’s no value in that
I got satisfied with sleeping and not making plans
And it wasn’t so bad
And all the ones that I burned down
That I thought would kill me went up
With the kerosene I bought
And probably will buy again.

The scar’s getting smaller
But I still look at it every time I play guitar
And when it’s gone
I wonder if I’ll remember where it was
And even with my purported lack of perspective
I still see the light
That I put out
And probably will put out again.

Fat with one year under my belt but I know
No value in that
Still haven’t taken care of taking care of myself
But it isn’t that bad
And even with all the kerosene my lantern could possibly hold
I know that it’s burnt out
And will probably burn out again
Will probably burn out again.

[Brief start-stop of closing theme.]

BLOOPER (DYLAN): [Singing.] Technical problems are so annoying when you are doing things at the last minute, yeah! [Speaking.] It is eight p.m. on episode day, and I am troubleshooting nonsense.

[END Episode 143.]