Episode 125: Jamilla Gardner Will Protect Us

SUMMARY

Don’t do anything weaselly, Mike.

TRANSCRIPT

Original transcript created and edited by Karen (Count Swagula) and Orion

[BEGIN Episode 125.]

INTRO: Hey guys, quick plugs. I’m still streaming over on Twitch at twitch.tv/woebegonepod where every week I write that week’s episode soundtrack and then play a video game, currently Hollow Knight. I also just got a dog, her name is Riga and she will be on stream and she is very cute and sometimes very well-behaved, so come check that out if you’re a fan of dogs. It is twitch.tv/woebegonepod.

And if you’d like to support the show, you can do so on Patreon at Patreon.com/woe_begone. Where you can get easy access to ad-free episodes, instrumentals, soundtrack albums, Q&As, director’s commentaries, Movies with Michael, postcards, and more. This month is the one-year anniversary of the postcards and so I’m trying to do something really nice and have a whole bunch of goodies, so sign up before the end of the month if you would like to receive that. Special thanks to my ten newest Patrons [REDACTED] for supporting the show. Enjoy.

MIKEY [narrating]: Things settled down a bit after the fiasco with Charlie and Marissa, and the handcuffs, and the other pair of handcuffs, and the iteration, and Ty Betteridge, and Michael sacrificing himself in order to spare me from punishment. It really needed to calm down, considering that the sheer frenzy of it is typified by how many words it took to describe it just now. I was so frenzied I didn’t even have time to look up if that is the correct usage of the word typified. 

Point being, the floodwaters finally felt like they were receding. My body was recovering and there were some bright spots of normalcy where I felt like everything might be alright, for a minute. Watching a movie on the couch with Edgar. Playing guitar with Chance and Shadow, who were both way better than I was. Making fun of Troy with everyone. Biscuits and gravy at the diner. I needed these small things desperately. These moments were the moments we were fighting for, not these crises of self that had narrowed my vision and left me feeling distraught. This is what the post Great Correction existence was supposed to be. Peaceful.

Michael was different after he offered to sacrifice himself on my behalf. I need to be careful when I say things like that. He wasn’t replaced with a more “docile form of Michael” from the Compound. He was just more serious, more sad. He had the same look in his eyes as when you have a cheeseburger and Bruno wants some but you won’t give it to him. I didn’t know what Ty was asking of him, or if he had given it to him yet. Micheal wouldn’t budge on what they agreed upon. He hadn’t even told MW. I worried about another Mustard Seed situation, where Michael over sacrificed himself in the name of protecting us. 

I thought about telling Michael about EdMan. Operose had cured EdMan, according to the file that I had my iteration steal from them. And I’m sorry that Michael put himself in the middle of this, but it was worth everything for that little bit of information. Who knows, telling Michael about EdMan might have kept him from doing that, but I was scared about what it would do to him. Michael’s Edgar had died. His Edgar was presumably still dead, though I didn’t have proof of that from Michael, and I wasn’t sure how any of it worked. My Edgar consolidated with EdMan. Did that mean that he was going to be okay? What about Mike’s Edgar? What did any of this mean for us? I worried about what Michael might do if he knew that there was a possibility that his Edgar was still alive. He might be the most grizzled and mature of the Mikes, but he is a Mike Walters. We couldn’t afford him careening off into instability. Not when he was the principal one preventing me from doing the same.

Besides, there was a, quote, “mission” to, quote, “prepare for,” according to Ty. This mission was going to be the first big proof of our agreement. We were going to do whatever Ty told us to do. He was going to be giving demands to us directly, and he had a difficult and dangerous plan in mind for us. He specifically mentioned the danger, though he refused to give us any details. Mysterious boxes began to pile up in the living room at Base. We were told not to open them until the time was right. If we opened them early, there would be nothing inside. Another little bit of time travel trickery. A bunch of Schrödinger’s cats waiting for the right time for the box to be opened to collapse the superposition. 

I should have been worried about what this mission entailed. My imagination should have run wild with images of blood and gore but, the mission was in the future and I felt so depleted that I was unable to keep my eyes off the present need for comfort. So, day after day I cuddled up next to Edgar on the couch and watched movies and didn’t imagine a future. I was too tired for the future. It could wait until I’d had a nap. 

I had just awoken from one of these restorative naps, when I heard someone knocking at my door. I was alone in my cabin at O.V.E.R., having fallen asleep after getting home from my patrol route. I thought that it was Edgar. I had planned to go to his cabin after I got off work, but my bed had pulled me into it. ‘He didn’t have to come all the way over here,’ I thought to myself.  ‘He could’ve called.’ I checked my phone. No messages or missed calls from Panther. Strange. I opened the door, ready to explain that I had fallen asleep. To my surprise it was not Edgar who was waiting for me across the threshold. It was Jamilla Gardner.

“Jamilla? What a pleasant surprise,” I said. “Surprises aren’t usually very pleasant these days. What brings you… here?”

“Hi Mike. Something is going on at O.V.E.R.,” they said.

“You’re… gonna have to be more specific,” I said.

“They’re gearing up for something, inside Tier Two,” they replied.

“They aren’t the only ones gearing up,” I said. 

I’m Mike Walters. You’re listening to Inside Tier Two: Episode One.

[Outside Tier One opening theme plays briefly and abruptly cuts off.]

MIKEY: I’m kidding. No, you’re not. This is WOE.BEGONE.

[Opening theme plays.]

MIKEY [narrating]: I filled Jamilla in as quickly as I could, leaving out the juicy parts about how I was two iterations at once and EdMan was cured. There was only time for relevant things.

“Ty Betteridge has been preparing us for something recently,” I explained. “He hasn’t said what, but he says it is a mission larger in scope than anything he has given to us before. He’s equipping us with supplies, which he’s never done before. He says that there will be extensive physical training that we’ll have to travel to the Compound to receive. Whatever is going on is… scary… like a skeleton.”

“It doesn’t seem like much of a coincidence that things are ramping up in the Compound and at O.V.E.R.,” Jamilla said. They paused and looked around. “Did you…Did you turn on the music because I’m here?” 

Wilco played quietly from a Bluetooth speaker in the background.

“I just uh– We used to listen to music together,” I said. “Can I get you some coffee?”

“Coffee would be nice, black please,” Jamilla said.

“Coming right up. I’ll get these out of the way while I’m at it,” I said, scooping up some dirty plates that were on the table and bringing them into the kitchen with me. 

Having someone else in the cabin always made me hyper aware of how… uninviting it could be. I normally made Edgar wait at the door. I wanted Jamilla to think that I had my life together. Ugh, but if I wanted that, I really needed to have swept the floor before they got here.

“So, what do you think that everyone’s preparing for?” I asked. “Do you think that the Compound is going to attack O.V.E.R.?”

“That or O.V.E.R. is taking corrective measures against the Compound,” Jamilla said.

“I don’t know why I didn’t consider that,” I said. “In my head, it’s always the Compound that does the attacking. They strike first. They did 357A and there was a whole Tier 2 incident, that I don’t know if you know about. But O.V.E.R. is an offensive force in its own right, surely.”

“We are employees of the United States government, after all,” They said. “And it doesn’t seem like we’re stocking up for a big defensive maneuver. Interfacing has been extremely busy recently. Loads of important looking people coming and going, receiving packages from other facilities, facilitating red flag cabin communications, and that’s just the stuff that I’m privy to at the front desk. There are people coming through who look like army generals, that’s not normal. I haven’t seen anyone like that come through 116E since the aftermath of the 357A explosion.”

“[Chuckles.] Oh, yeah! I remember Marissa making fun of the ‘dorks in uniform’ to their faces,” I said.

“This sounds like that, yeah. Except as far as we know nothing’s happened yet, and since O.V.E.R. is gearing up, it makes sense that the Compound is gearing up. They obviously have eyes on the inside, they know that some sort of conflict is on the horizon. Ty used to work here,” they said.

“Hey, how much do you know about Ty Betteridge and the Compound, Jam?” I asked. ”I don’t recall you being that involved with them when you were rescuing me. Edgar is the one that went to them for the final mission.”

Jamilla paused and gazed out the window for a moment.

“We’ve become more acquainted… after the fact,” They said. “I’m… kind of a contracted researcher for the Compound… at this point, technically. You probably noticed that the podcast didn’t come out after the story was done, well, I took it somewhere.”

“Hey, I was still waiting for you to contact me about writing the theme song,” I said. 

“I already had a theme song, Mike. I even sent it to you. The guys who mow the grass in Tier One have a band, Cutting Grass. I told you all about this, they wrote the theme song,” Jam said.”

“Well, tell them to quit changing up their schedule. Doing my area on Tuesdays? That’s ridiculous.”

“I’ll pass that along,” Jam said. “I didn’t think it was safe to release this podcast out into the world so, I handed my materials to the Compound as a sign of good will and thanks for returning us to this timeline. I thought maybe if they had my perspective on how things happened, that they might be able to prevent someone like H from taking control ever again. They thanked me for the materials, but then they came back a few weeks later with a whole bunch of questions about my experience. Stuff like what H’s daily routine was like, and if I knew any specific missions that the Baxters got sent on stuff like that. And the questions haven’t stopped coming yet, so I answer them whenever they come to me. Which, in a sense, makes me the Compound’s resident expert on that timeline. I’m meeting with Felix on Thursday to talk about Eagle.” 

My frustration had been building the whole time that they spoke.

“You understand who they are and what they do, right?” I asked. “They tortured me Jam, they’re still torturing iterations of me. They control us. They control everything that we do. You’re fine just giving information over to them?” 

Jamilla was calm.

“I know that they hurt you, and I’m not okay with that, but more importantly, they control the Base now,” Jam said. “I can’t affect that part of it right now. What I care about is keeping this timeline stable, and Base can’t do that on their own. They couldn’t do the correction when we needed it. Edgar had to go to Ty to put the mission together that resulted in this correction. The Compound is the only thing keeping this timeline stable, and that’s what I want, so I help them do it. I’m trying to keep you from disappearing into thin air, Mike. I worked way too hard for that to happen. I’m protecting you.” 

I’m Trying To Break Your Heart by Wilco played faintly in the background. I closed my eyes and huffed. I knew that I couldn’t stay mad at Jamilla Gardner. Not after everything we had been through together. The things that they had been through for my sake, without even knowing me. Ty’s control over Base forced Jamilla to choose a side in a war that they should not be involved in. All for Mike Walters.

“Okay, so it’s O.V.E.R. versus the Compound,” I said. “But you didn’t know about the Compound portion of this when you came here, so, why did you come here today?”

“Because O.V.E.R. is excavating the Boulders in one week,” they said.

“H-How is that possible? How do you excavate boulders?” I asked. “How do you know that this is happening?”

“First, there have been a lot of, quote, ‘construction research people’ passing though 116E. And then I saw a line about, quote, ‘Tier One/Two border excavation’ in one of the communiqués that went out. It seems that they are literally going to lift them out of the ground and move them to a new location,” they said. “For what purpose or to where is beyond me. I messaged Marissa since her route is right in front of the Boulders and she did in fact receive a message from O.V.E.R. They said that there was going to be some unusually highly classified activity in the area and to report any anomalies that they might see, though they didn’t mention the Boulders or time travel. I think the plan is for them to be gone and for no one to remember them.”

“But Jam, they’re boulders. They’re… they’re literal rocks they have to weigh, what, millions of pounds?” I asked.

“Do you really think that’s going to be a problem for them, Mike,” Jam asked. “Edgar was able to put a whole basement under his already constructed cabin all by himself. I don’t think that O.V.E.R. moving the Boulders is much more than a math problem for them to solve. Operose moves its whole operation every single day and they have a set of Boulders, presumably they move those as well. And I hate to bring this up, lest I speak this into existence but Operose is only other set of Boulders that we know about, so if O.V.E.R. and the Compound are preparing for war and it involves the Boulders then I think that there is a likelihood that Operose is doing the same, and we just haven’t noticed yet because none of us work there.”

“Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if Operose is involved then we’re fucked Jam,” I said. “We’re all about to get eaten by grass or some shit. Unless you wanna get your little Cutting Grass friends involved. Maybe they could do that for good instead of evil for once. [Sighs.] Sorry, I’m just wondering, what now? Ty seems to already know that something is happening, so what can we do?”

“Well, you can give them this, for starters,” Jam began to dig through their bag. “I could’ve given it to him myself, but you’re the one that needs brownie points from him, not me, so here you go.” They pulled out a boulder key and plopped it unceremoniously onto the table. “You owe me one, Mike Walters.”

“Okay, Jam, two questions. One, what is this boulder key going to do exactly? And two, where did this swagger come from all of a sudden?” I asked.

“Marissa’s been rubbing off on me, and I’m not sure what the key does. I don’t think anyone outside of Operose or Tier Three of O.V.E.R. know for sure,” they said. “But I do know that this is something that O.V.E.R. would not want Ty to have. If you are fighting on Ty’s side, I want you to make it out of this alive. I don’t care about the Compound winning, I just want you, Edgar, Marissa, Chance and Shadow to be okay.” 

I looked at the key, my mind was racing. This key could be the…. Key.

“Jam, How many people know that you have this?” I asked.

“No one knows that I have it,” Jamilla said. “It’s important that it stay that way. O.V.E.R. doesn’t hand these out like candy.”

“That’s why it’s valuable that we have one.” 

Jam studied my face.

“You’re… plotting something.” 

I saw their hand inch forward, as though they were considering taking the key back. Trying not to seem desperate to snatch it from them, I slowly picked it up off the table. 

“Jam, I’ve never plotted in my life,” I said. “I was just thinking about those brownie points that you mentioned. I do need a lot of them at the moment. There was an incident with another iteration and punishments were issued. The key could be just what I need. Michael is involved, I could use this to protect him. That’s sort of what you meant, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Jam said. “Be careful, don’t do anything weaselly, Mike.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it Jam, but actually, I had better get going. I was supposed to meet Edgar after work, but then I fell asleep. It’s lucky that I was here to answer the door for you. We should meet again really soon, before this whole thing kicks off. You can call me or message me or stop by or even drop by the Base anytime you want, Jam. It was good to see you.”

“It was good to see you too, Mike,” Jam said. “I might take you up on that. Maybe breakfast at the diner? You and me?”

“That sounds more like a celebration for when we win,” I said. 

Jam gave a half-hearted chuckle. 

“Alright, well, I’ll shoot you a message sometime after Thursday,” They said. 

“Oh and uh Jam before you go,” I butted in. “Could you… water the patch of dirt on the right side of your back door for me?”

“Well, Mike, why would I water a patch of dirt in my yard?” they asked.

“Because, it hasn’t rained much and what if, some– for some reason there was something in there that was trying to grow?” I said.

“Is it an olive tree?” they asked.

“You’re just gonna have to wait and see what happens,” I said. They sighed.

“There’s no way an olive tree can survive back there,” Jam said. “But I’ll water it for you, Mike. See you around” 

They winked and shut the cabin door behind them. I turned the boulder key over and over in my palm. Jam was right, this was valuable. I could trade it in and get Michael off the hook, but that wasn’t the only valuable thing that Jamilla Gardner gave to me. Jam had told me that they were an informant for the Compound. That information was extremely valuable. I could use that, and, if I was careful, I could get Ty’s boot partially off of Base’s neck without anyone else getting hurt.

[Instrumental intermission plays as a scene transition.]

[Phone ringing.]

FELIX’S FATHER [through the phone]: Fe? Fe, is that you, Fe?

FELIX: Yes. Yes, Dad, it’s me.

FELIX’S FATHER [sighing]: Where on earth are you? Your previous phone call, you [Felix: Dad–] told me you were five minutes away.

FELIX: I’m sorry.

FELIX’S FATHER: It’s been over an hour. I’ve been incredibly worried about you. What’s happening? [Felix: Dad, I just–] Where are you? Do you need me to come and get you?

FELIX: Dad–

FELIX’S FATHER: Are you safe? [Felix sighs.] I don’t think you’re safe to drive, right. Stay where you are, I’m getting in the car, and I’m [Felix: Dad–] coming to find you.

FELIX: Dad, listen. I’m fine. I’ve pulled over, I’m just around the corner.

FELIX’S FATHER: Around the corner? Why aren’t you here?

FELIX: Dad, I have to be… extremely careful… about what I say. I need to explain some things to you. Things that will sound [Sighs.]… well mad, actually, quite mad. I’ve had to spend quite some time trying to… work out… how to explain it to you. I… I’ve written some stuff down–

FELIX’S FATHER: Does this have something to do with that man who called me? Your boss?

FELIX: Yes, yes it is, I um… it’s everything to do with him, I um, I’ve made some notes and I– Dad, please can I just say what I need to say? I know you’ll have a lot of questions but… please can you just wait until I’m done, and then I’ll answer, whatever you need me to. Um, honestly I-I-I-I don’t… think you’ll believe a word of it, you’ll try to get me sectioned but please, just give me one chance to try to explain.

FELIX’S FATHER: Please, Fe, just, please, of course I’ll listen, but please, are you safe?

FELIX:: Yes, Dad, I’m-I’m perfectly fine. I’m… quite confused… and I’ve behaved horrendously at work but I’m fine.

FELIX’S FATHER: Alright, carry on.

FELIX [Sighing]: Okay um, here goes. [Shuffles papers.] Um, Dad, I don’t have an ordinary job. I work in quite a specialist field–

FELIX’S FATHER: Time Travel.

FELIX: Wh-Wh-What? [He Sputters.] What did you just say?

FELIX’S FATHER: Well, time travel. Your company, you… conduct research in time travel and its various practical uses.

FELIX: I uh, [He chuckles in disbelief.] Uh, but you uh, t-time travel? Uh, who uh who told you that?

FELIX’S FATHER: Fe, you did. We discussed it. Many, many times.

FELIX: Jesus um, heh, okay…

FELIX’S FATHER: So, I guess we’re in Contingency Six territory, are we?

FELIX: Contingency… Six, I.. I have no idea what you’re talking about.

FELIX’S FATHER: Ah. [Sharp Inhale.] Definitely Contingency Six by the sounds of things. Look, when you first started working at your organization, you set up various scenarios that might occur. Things that might go wrong and the steps you’d like me to take if any of them occurred. Contingency One was for a situation where I could remember you, but nobody else could. Contingency Two was for if two of you turned up at once. Contingency Three was– 

FELIX [Interrupting]: D-Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad… What’s-What’s Contingency Six?

FELIX’S FATHER: It’s where you turn up asking for your mother. [Sound of Felix nervously shuffling papers.] It’s happened before, but this is a particularly extreme case.

FELIX: Um… I um, okay… [Sound of Felix nervously clapping.]  What um… What did you say to Ty? D-D-Did you tell him that you know any of this? That I’ve told you any of this?

FELIX’S FATHER: Of course not, I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on an hour ago, and you had me very worried, but I’m not stupid.

FELIX: Um, okay, um. How much have I told you?

FELIX’S FATHER: Beyond a rough outline of your work… not very much. You explained that things sometimes go wrong. You explained timelines and how to solve problems.

FELIX: T-Timelines that’s… that’s not something that I um… What did I say?

FELIX’S FATHER: Well… you didn’t tell me exactly how things worked. You gave me a sort of… analogy for it. [He laughs.] You were at great pains to explain that it doesn’t strictly work this way. Great pain. But in effect, you asked me to imagine a tree diagram. For every decision we make, the tree branches into two, or three, or… a hundred, depending on the complexity of the decision. On every branch there is a Felix, and a Me, and… a post office, and… you get the idea. Every branch is a copy of its neighbor but with very slight difference. Similar decisions lead to very similar branches, but significant variety leads to… wildly different outcomes. You said that sometimes people get, well… lost. They end up on the wrong branch. Sometimes they replace their copy on a new branch. Sometimes there are two versions on the same branch, one who is in the right place and… one who really is not.

FELIX: Wow…

FELIX’S FATHER: And, so I can only assume that… you are lost. Horribly lost, by the sounds of it. I’m so sorry, my darling. 

FELIX: I uh… [He exhales and sniffles.] Yes, that’s, um, that’s about the sum of it. I just- I just can’t believe how close you are to your Felix. How much he’s… told you. That means your Felix is probably asleep somewhere, back in his bunk at work or um… [He chuckles.] Maybe he’s gone to Euro Disney. [He bursts into laughter.]

FELIX’S FATHER: To Euro Disney?

FELIX: Uh no, ah …no um. No-No-No um, listen Dad, um, Dad this is important. Uh the news, uh… last few weeks, how many strange bodies have washed up in Wales? Has, um, anyone said anything to you about it?

FELIX’S FATHER: Um… I’m afraid you’ve lost me again.

FELIX: No… strange bodies, identical twins, triplets, washing up weeks apart just outside of Hollyhead.

FELIX’S FATHER: No, nothing of the sort.

FELIX: Well thank heavens for that, um… it’s been causing mum a great deal of excitement.

FELIX’S FATHER: Mum… So mum is alive on your branch.

FELIX: …Uh, yes, she’s alive.

FELIX’S FATHER: Ah, Fe that’s wonderful news! How are we getting on over there? Do you have any photos? I have to see them when you get here.

FELIX: She’s um. We’re uh, we’re fine, it’s-it’s not always easy.

FELIX’S FATHER: Felix?

FELIX: Uh, yes?

FELIX’S FATHER: How long have I been dead?

FELIX: Since I… was 15.

FELIX’S FATHER: Ah.

FELIX [inhaling deeply]: It’s um, it’s been a long time, Dad, I um… It’s not suited mum to be a widow.

FELIX’S FATHER [Laughing]: Ah no I can’t imagine it has. Fe, come home. We can talk about this properly on the sofa. I’ll stick the kettle back on, please.

FELIX: Um, [Papers shuffling. Car Starting.] um, al-alright I um, I’m only just parked round the corner. I um, I’m 30 seconds away.

FELIX’S FATHER: Alright. I’ll see you shortly Fe.

FELIX: Alright, I’ll um- I’ll see you in a minute. Buh-bye.

[Sound of driving begins.]

FELIX [angrily]: I can’t believe… That his Fe has told him all of this I mean– ah… Is this what I’m like when I’m happy? When I’ve got my dad? Am I a complete bloody moron? Ah… His Ty is gonna kill him. My Ty is gonna Kill me! How much does he know? Here’s Dad’s. Um, oh… Oh, look who’s here…

[Engine stops. Sounds of Felix exiting the car.]

TY BETTERIDGE: Ah! Fe, Good Morning. Your father has a lovely home. I wonder, can I join you both inside for a quick tête-à-tête?

[Closing theme plays.]

CREDITS: This has been The Felix Chronicles. The voice of Felix is Ben Rowe, the voice of Felix’s father is Seb Juneman, and the voice of Ty Betteridge is David Ault. Thanks for feeling, get it like Fe, like Felix, Fe-eling?

AFTER CREDITS (DYLAN): Riga? Is there anything you’d like to say to the audience? Hmm? [Sounds of Riga sniffing and licking the microphone.] Does it– How’s it taste? Did you taste the audience?

[END Episode 125.]