Episode 122: The Council of Annes Episode Will Protect Us

SUMMARY

By your logic, you were never you. You’ve defined yourself out of existence.

TRANSCRIPT

Original transcript created and edited by Orion

WOE.BEGONE 122: The Council of Annes Episode Will Protect Us

[BEGIN Episode 122.]

INTRO: Hey guys, quick plugs. I’m still streaming over on Twitch at twitch.tv/woebegonepod. Where every Sunday I write that week’s episode soundtrack and then hang out and play a video game. This week I beat Celeste and we’re going to move on to something hopefully a little bit easier for next week. So if you wanna go hangout, that’s twitch.tv/woebegonepod.

And if you’d like to support the show, you can do so on Patreon, at Patreon.com/woe_begone. Where you can get easy access to ad-free episodes, instrumentals, soundtrack albums, Q&As, director’s commentaries, Movies with Michael, postcards, and more. We’re at the one-year anniversary of the postcards, and so I’m excited to celebrate that. If you sign up before the end of the month, you will get the special anniversary postcard and all of the little goodies that I have planned for this month. The postcards are some of my favorite parts of the community, even if my brain is totally fried right now from writing postcards all weekend. Again, that is Patreon.com/woe_begone. Postcards are at the fifteen dollar level. Special thanks to my ten newest Patrons [REDACTED] for supporting the show. Enjoy.

MIKEY [narrating]: The inside of Flinchite Compound always felt like a doctor’s office, no matter how many times I went there. It was too cold and clinical. It was somehow always foreign. I never quite understood how to make my way around the place. Sometimes I would get a glimpse down a hallway and go, “Oh yeah! That’s the amphitheater-classroom place where August drove his motorcycle through the observation window,” but I could never make it back there on my own. I think that the Compound was deliberately constructed this way, at least in the areas pertaining to Mike Walters. Needing a guide to navigate the hallways meant that it was very difficult to escape. Not that escaping was part of the game plan anymore. Edgar signed our lives away to these people. Which I guess is just a fancy way of saying that we pinky-promise not to escape ever again. You know, under penalty of death. 

Ty Betteridge had a new casualness to him, the first time that I visited the Compound after the Great Correction. Which was the name that we had given to the actions that put us back into this version of events. He took a seat across from me, and I almost expected him to sit backwards in his chair. Ty had always tried to be friendly with us. Sometimes to the point of appearing to want to be friends with us. But this felt different. The steaks might have been low for him before, but there were no steaks now. We were his friends, or whatever else he wanted us to be. Again, under penalty of death.

“Mikey Walters, good to see you,” he said, except British. “I do hope that we didn’t put too large of a dent in your schedule. We just thought it wise to take some measurements, get some blood drawn, really try to figure out what this Mikey Walters is like. Compared to what we have in our databases.”

I sighed and put my elbows on the table. The table was cold to the touch.

“[Sighs.] To be honest, Ty, I was hoping that you could help me with something similar.”

“Why of course, Mikey,” Ty said. “This is a new era of cooperation between the Compound and Base. Our resources are your resources, within reason. I know that you and Edgar must be struggling right now, trying to make sense of all your new surroundings. Sure, this is quote ‘the old timeline’ but it isn’t really the old timeline, is it? It’s a new timeline built in the image of the old. It rhymes, if you will. So, there’s a lot for you to figure out. We’re here to help anyway that we can. Could you lift up your arm, please? I need to measure.”

I lifted up my arm, and he measured from shoulder to fingertip.  

“The real difference will be height, I believe. You traveled a lot more than he did. We’ve been observing height over time for frequent travelers and there seems to be a correlation. Though I do think that it’s the travel through space that’s doing it, not time. Height is something that we want to track extremely carefully. I know that some of your iterations–” 

No, Ty calls them “duplicates”.

“I know that some of your duplicates have horror stories about getting chopped in half, or getting stuck in a wall while transporting. And a lot of that comes down to the Calculator and their inexact measurements. There are much more precise ways of doing things. Edgar knows how to use some of that technology now.”

“Right. I have memories from Hunter’s timeline about Edgar using technology to build a basement under his already constructed cabin. Stuff like that. We’re using some of that at Base now, but that’s not what I’m asking for help about.”

Ty looked at me inquisitively. In my recollection, he paused and cocked his head to the side like a dog. Though I must have imagined that.

“Oh? What is it then?” he asked.

I found myself getting choked up.

“After… all of this… is Edgar my Edgar? Am I his Mike?” I asked.

Ty chuckled.

“All Edgars are your Edgar and vice versa,” he said. “But I know that you don’t believe that. I’ve seen your Base internal documents, you have this whole thing about what you call ‘iterative personhood’. And all of the steps that are put in place to preserve it. I think that’s silly. You’re you. And if you weren’t, messing around in time and space is only going to make you less you, by your standards, not more.” 

“But how much am I still me if I’ve been consolidated?” I asked.

“Mikey, you are consolidated every time that you time travel and don’t create an iteration. What do you think is happening? Because our conceptualization of time travel requires consolidation for it to happen,” he said.

“Okay, but this wasn’t a consolation with Mikey. Edgar consolidated me with someone who had a different name than me,” I said. “That’s how long he had been separated from me. And it’s the same with Edgar, he consolidated with someone with a different name than him.”

“I’m well aware, Mikey. Hence, the measurements and the blood work,” Ty said. “But those were continuous correction timelines. I’m sure Edgar could explain all this to you. Those iterations are still out there right now. It’s like you never consolidated with them.”

“Except we did consolidate with them, and now I’ve got all of these fragments inside of me and I need to know what they are,” I said.

“I’ll certainly try my best,” Ty said. “What do you want to know?”

“I need to know about Edman and MDawg,” I said.

This is WOE.BEGONE.

[Opening theme plays.]

MIKEY [narrating]: “Stick out your hand,” Ty said. 

I grunted at him.

“[Huffs.] You never want anything good when you say that,” I said.

“If you’re going to get access to this sort of information, I need some assurance that you are only going to act upon it in approved ways,” he said. “Do you want to know or don’t you?”

“What are you going to do?” I asked.

“I am going to use this,” he produced a strange, sharp looking object from a drawer. “To insert a device into your palm. If it ever detects that you are in the same location as the location that we have on file for Operose, then it will send a signal to us.”

“And how do I know that you won’t use that to track me any other time that you want?” I asked.

“Mikey, I can already track you everywhere else that you go. This is just an extra precaution. Think of it like material proof of a formal agreement,” he said

“Is it going to hurt?” I asked.

“A little, I suppose,” Ty said. “But not much, and not for long.”

I reluctantly put my hand out.

“Thank you, Mikey. This will all–” 

Mid-sentence, the machine punched through the palm of my hand, passing in between bones with surgical precision. It was over as soon as it started. I let out a small yelp.

“There we go. Good job, Mikey. I’m glad that we could come to this arrangement so… calmly. Now, I believe, we can proceed with what you wanted to talk about.”

I held my wounded hand in my other hand.

“What the fuck are Edman and MDawg?” I asked. “They have something to do with Operose? That’s why you did this?” 

I looked down at the hand.

“Why isn’t there a wound here anymore? Why doesn’t it hurt?”

“What do you think this whole compound is, Mikey? There’s no wound and no lasting pain because that is exactly the sort of thing we’ve been working on. Think of it as topical time travel, if that helps you understand it.”

“My hand… traveled in time just now? What do you mean? Like, forward until it healed?” I asked.

“I’m glad that you’re taking an interest in our medical developments, but I think you’re getting distracted from what you wanted to ask,” he said.

“Then tell me. Are Edman and MDawg related to Operose?” I asked.

“Indirectly,” Ty said. “You have powerful friends, Mikey. Do you understand how they’re powerful? Anne for instance?”

I had some ideas about that, but I shook my head no.

“Anne is powerful because she is profoundly self-reliant. You have your little duplicates and you’ve got a lot of mileage out of that, impressively so. But Anne had done something different. There is a whole council of Annes, that’s some terminology from your handbook, and these councils are demarcated and diversified and each faction of them is powerful in their own right. But because they keep themselves separate from one another, one partition of Annes falling victim to some catastrophic failure doesn’t affect the council. They are able to persevere.”

Ty absentmindedly fiddled with the tracking device injector while he spoke.

“Edman and MDawg are a great favor that Anne has done for you. She has created some duplicates of you and incorporated them under her own council. She is contributing to your perseverance in the same way that she has strengthened her own. Edman and MDawg are separated from the other Mikes, in case of emergency.”

“Well, they were separated,” I said. “We found them, obviously. They weren’t hiding very well. Fuck. Did we mess this all up when Matt found them? Did Matt fuck everything up?”

“No, of course not,” Ty said. “As with everything else in the Council, they were separated and diversified. You found one set of Edman and MDawg. I can only assume that there are many more of them.”

“I met with Matt, at his house, the night that the timeline corrected,” I said. “And the next morning, he explained to me that Edman and MDawg disappeared for a month. Like, transported disappeared. Their cars were still in the garage, none of their shit was moved out. And then a month later, they were back, right around when I showed up at his door, which was the quote ‘present’ at the time of the Great Correction. Is that… related?”

“I’m sure this whole business of your Base discovering them, and the Great Correction, caused the Annes to retool their deployment of Edman and MDawg. Which, might have resulted in some temporal abnormalities,” he said.

“Okay,” I said. I took a deep breath. “That all makes sense, except why don’t Edgar and I remember any of this Anne stuff?”

“Oh, I’m sure that Edman and MDawg were never told any of this,” Ty said. “They were likely plucked from some convenient time period and placed there without knowing what was going on. Anne is using Operose technology, and not even we have a full understanding of what all that entails. Operose can sort of sit people down somewhere in time in media res. Like, when you have a dream, and you don’t remember how you got there, and you’re just starting from the point you dropped in on. And you’re consolidated from a continuous correction of Edman and MDawg, so things are going to be even more fragmentary and confusing for you. The world that they came from was brief and fragmentary, in a sense.”

“Edgar didn’t mean to consolidate with Edman,” I explained. “He was not planning some sort of mission when he did the initial consolidation. He was running a test for the Hunters and got curious. And it just so happened that the Edgar he consolidated with was Edman and not my Edgar. So when he went to consolidate me in the Hunters’ timeline, of course he consolidated MDawg because that was Edman’s Mike instead of me.”

“That doesn’t sound like a coincidence,” Ty said. “The tools that Edgar was using probably determined that Edman and MDawg were the most stable duplicates of you within the continuous correction. Since all other duplicates that we know about are either working with your Base or are here at the Compound.”

I winced at the mention of the other Mikes inside of the Compound.

“Regardless, it doesn’t matter, not really. Let’s assume that you’re right and you’re different people now. You are as much MDawg as Edgar is Edman. So, you’re with your Edgar and Edman is with MDawg. All in the correct proportions. So what is there to fuss about?”

“I’m not myself anymore. And Edgar isn’t Edgar.”

“Mikey, almost all of the cells in your body die and are replaced, even the ones that last a long time are made of different atoms than they were a few years ago. By your logic, you were never you. You defined yourself out of existence.”

I closed my eyes and breathed in hard through my nose.

[Deep inhale.]

“Is there s-some way that you could extract him from me? Like, can you take the parts that are just MDawg and leave everything else?”

“No, I can’t, Mikey,” Ty said. “What you’re describing sounds like magic. There aren’t different parts of you, there’s just you. The only way to change that would be to go back and try everything all over again. And [Scoffs.] we don’t want that, right?”

I looked him in the eye, silently. He looked back at me, increasingly concerned.

“You do not want that, Mikey. You just came from a version of events where you were hunted to extinction. You’re not about to redo all of that just in order to get some technicalities in order.”

I maintained eye contact. Ty slammed his hand down on the metal table, which made a loud, reverberant noise.

“Think about what you’d be putting everyone through, all over again. Chris, Ryan, Jam, Marissa, Anne, Edgar, Me. Think about it. And think about what would happen if the Hunters got a second chance. Think about how much of a chance you would stand without my help, because I certainly would not be so generous with my time and resources the second time.”

Ty’s face had turned red.

“If I’m not Mikey, then it doesn’t matter how good this timeline is,” I said. “The person who wanted this timeline might as well be gone.”

“You can’t be serious,” Ty said. “I’ve tried to humor you, but you’re suggesting something so destructive that I can’t take you seriously. No. Just no, Mikey. Get over yourself. Literally, get over your self. Your self is not important and you’re about to learn that the extremely hard way.”

I felt my breathing become ragged. 

[Distressed:] “I-I… I don’t want to correct the Great Correction, i-it’s… this is a lot to deal with… I’m never going to be Mikey again. I just… can’t accept that.”

“You had better come to terms with that quickly,” Ty said. “Sorry to remind you of the nature of our arrangement, but my declarations are final. And if you don’t agree to them, a Mikey that does agree with me will go to Base and you will stay here. Do you understand?”

“Of course I understand that,” I said. My indigence was fading, being replaced with sorrow. 

Was I Mikey Walters or not? Did it matter? Did I have control over anything? My thoughts began to spiral, to catastrophize. In a matter of about fifteen seconds, I went from angry and driven to openly weeping in front of Ty Betteridge.

Ty softened to match me.

“It’s going to be okay, Mikey. There’s a lot to figure out, but we’re going to get there. You have my time and my resources. We can figure out a way to make sure that you’re satisfied. Without having to put the whole space-time continuum in danger. Will that suffice?”

I nodded, weakly.

“Excellent. I’ll draw up some plan to get you better settled into this timeline. It’s not that there’s nothing that we can do, it’s just that we can’t do… that,” he said.

“I know that we can’t, I let my temper get away from me,” I said. “And there are other reasons that I haven’t been feeling ‘like myself’. I remember Eagle killing me in the Hunter timeline. I remember so much violence that never happened. Uh, I’m sort of a wreck about it. Uh, the other day I heard a loud noise and I sprinted out of the Latvia apartment and they had to track me down all across Riga. I might not should have told you that, but I’m dealing with a lot and I have a lot of reasons that I don’t feel like Mikey Walters right now.”

“I think it’s good that you let me know,” Ty said. “There are a lot of things that we can work on to make you feel more like yourself. And I want you to feel like yourself. Those memories of the Hunter timeline seem like a sore spot. Let’s focus on those first and then see how you’re feeling. Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay,” I said.

Ty smiled at me.

“I do hope that I was able to assuage some of your feelings today, Mikey. This is a great timeline for all of us, if you ask me, you and Edgar included. Especially, even. I would hate for you to go meddling when you have such a good thing here, all because of some misunderstanding of what a person is. That’s really more of an academic question than a real life one. You’re you, Mikey. That’s the only self-evident thing you have. ‘Cogito, ergo sum’ and all that.”

He scrunched his face. 

“But, I suppose that I can’t let you go without being… thorough. There is one last thing that I need you to do. Don’t worry, It’ll only take a second.”

“What is it, Ty?” I asked. I was too tired to feel dread.

“I just need you to consolidate with a more docile Mikey. You’ve proven yourself to be a little bit unpredictable today, and I think it would be better for everyone involved if your disposition were tempered a little bit before you left. Ya know, one for the road.”

I closed my eyes and took shallow breaths. I wanted to attack Ty Betteridge. To draw blood, to run, to escape. All futile. I was stuck there. Ty did not give me suggestions. He was telling me that I was going to be consolidated. I already felt that I had lost myself, I’d lost my agency. All of that talk for him to conclude by taking even more from me.

[Shaky breaths.] “Fine,” I said. [Deep inhale.] “I-I don’t exist anymore anyway, just make it quick.”

Ty laughed loud enough that it startled me. Almost a cackle.

[Laughing.] “Very good, Mikey! That was just a little test that I like to do with outgoing Mikes. The fact that you were even willing to consider it means that you passed. You’re already a docile enough Mikey by the Compound’s standards. And you’re right to be this cooperative. We only stand to gain from each other.”

“I’m glad I passed, I guess. I’m tired, Ty. Can I go home?” I asked.

“Oh, certainly. Fe, could you initiate transport for Mikey please?” Ty asked. 

“I can do that,” Felix said. His voice coming out of a loudspeaker. “Thanks for stopping by, Mikey. Initiating transport to Base in three, two, one.”

I was back at Base in one piece. Just as conflicted as I had been when I left.

[Scene transition.] 

MIKEY [Speaking to himself]: Okay, okay. If I understand this right… [Types on a keyboard.] then… when I type this in, it should… [Hits the ENTER key.]

[Time travel noise.]

ITERATED MIKEY1: [Grunts.] Oh, man. Ugh. What the fuck? Where am I?

MIKEY: It doesn’t matter where you are, sit down and shut up.

ITERATED MIKEY1: You’re… me. Why are you pointing a gun at me?

MIKEY: Sit down and shut up or I shoot you. This isn’t difficult.

ITERATED MIKEY1: Fine, fine. Just don’t shoot me. You want me to sit in this weird chair?

MIKEY: Yes, hold on to the bars and put your feet on the marks and don’t move, okay?

ITERATED MIKEY1: Yeah, I can do it, just stop pointing that at me, okay? Alright, look, I’m sitting down. I’m doing what you said, okay?

MIKEY: Yup, good. Alright, uh. [Types on Calculator.] Initiating consolidation in three, two, one.

[Time travel noise.]

[Mikey grunts and coughs in pain.]

MIKEY [breathing raggedly]: Okay, okay. That’s… fifty percent less MDawg.

[Mikey breathes heavily while typing on a keyboard.]

MIKEY: Okay. Again. Again. Okay, go. [Hits the ENTER key.]

[Time travel noise.]

ITERATED MIKEY2: [Grunts.] You’re me. Where am I?

MIKEY: Shut the fuck up and sit down or I kill you. Got it?

ITERATED MIKEY2: What is going on here? Uh, w-what is this room? What is this weird chair?

MIKEY: You’re me. You’re Mikey Walters. I’m consolidating with you to make me more Mikey Walters.

ITERATED MIKEY2: If you’re already Mikey Walters, why do you need to be more Mikey Walters?

MIKEY: That’s between me and an asshole in a Hawaiian shirt. Please sit down so I don’t have to kill you.

ITERATED MIKEY2: Okay, okay! I’m sitting, I’m sitting. I– uh, I hold on to these, I take it? 

MIKEY: Yup.

ITERATED MIKEY2: And uh… I put my feet on the marks?

MIKEY: Very good. The previous one did not know how to do that. Alright let’s get this over with quickly, consolidating in three, two, one.

[Time travel noise.]

[Mikey grunts and gasps and groans.]

MIKEY [sobbing]: No! No. Why can I still hear him? [Gasping in pain.] MDawg. No, fuck. [Types on a keyboard, sobbing.] Got to— [Grunts.] Got to do it again. [Hits the ENTER key.]

[time travel noise.]

[A new iterated Mikey grunts disoriented. Mikey is sobbing and gasping, struggling to breathe.]

ITERATED MIKEY3: Oh man, fuck. Where the fuck am I? Why… You’re oh, uh, you’re hurt. Oh man, what is going on? Oh, you’re–

MIKEY [gasping, sobbing, weak]: I need you to consolidate.

ITERATED MIKEY3: You’re m-me! When-When are you from? What-What is- What is going on? What is this?

[Mikey’s ragged breathing becomes slower.]

ITERATED MIKEY3: Fuck, you’re really hurt. What is going on here? Look, uh, I’m gonna leave you for… just a second. I’m gonna leave for just a second, and I’m going to go get help, I’m gonna go find someone, and we’re going to get this figured out, okay? [MIKEY: No, no, don’t leave. Don’t leave. Fuck, no, don’t.] Just don’t die. Uh, I’ll be right back, okay?

[Mikey sobs painfully and whines, then gasps for breath.]

MIKEY [whispered]: I need to be Mikey. I need to be Mikey. I need to be Mikey. I need to be Mikey.

BLOOPER (MIKEY): I know that some of your duplicates have hor…ses… have-have horses. I know that some of your duplicates have horses, named Banjo.

[END Episode 122.]

[Closing theme play.]