Episode 108: The Elephant And The Dog

SUMMARY

[Warning: This episode contains a depiction of violence. Listener discretion is advised.]

Season 10 begins in 2 weeks. Thanks for playing.

CREDITS:

Harlan Guthrie as Sylvester August Baxter

Michelle Kan as Marissa Ng

David Ault as Ty Betteridge

Aleksandr Batenko as Boris

Taylor Michaels as Chance

William A. Wellman as Shadow

Lucille Valentine as Anne

Kevin Berry as Ryan

Nathan Lunsford as CANNONBALL

Ben Rowe as Felix

Gary Furlong as Hunter Jeremiah Hartley

TRANSCRIPT

We hear rural evening ambience. The music fades in surreal and whole-tone, as though in a dream.

AUGUST [CALLING OUT]
Big Bear! Quit workin’ so dang hard for a minute and come get ya some grub! Ribs are ready!

MICHAEL
On my way, Badger.

We hear the sound of a table being set as Michael enters.

AUGUST
I hope you like ‘em. I tried a brand new recipe that I found on the internet. Tell me what you think.

MICHAEL
[Pause.] Mmm! Sly, these are delicious. I’m impressed. What did you do different?

AUGUST [These two lines will overlap]
Blood in the seasoning. Brown sugar in the seasoning.

MICHAEL
Blood?

AUGUST
I was worried that I put too much in. I can’t stand to watch things bleed. Do you like it?

MICHAEL [BECOMING CONFUSED]
It’s great, August.

AUGUST
Now I got a sneakin’ suspicious that you would say that you liked it even if ya didn’t.

MICHAEL
You’re damn right I would. But I’m tellin’ the truth this time. Honest.

AUGUST
You had better be tellin’ the truth. It’s about to be grillin’ season, ya know. We’re gonna be havin’ ribs and steaks and burgers and a whole mess of other stuff. [Smiling] I’m gonna fatten you up.

MICHAEL
Can’t wait to get fat and happy, Badger.

AUGUST
Hey, speakin’ of ribs… How many ribs you think I broke?

MICHAEL
Broke? What do you mean?

AUGUST
Gotta break some ribs to get to the heart, after all. Hey, Michael, have you seen my cowboy hat? I’ve been lookin’ for it all day.

MICHAEL
I think Mikey’s wearing it.

AUGUST
Right. He took it when he killed me.

MICHAEL
What are you talking about? Mikey didn’t kill you.

AUGUST
Are you sure about that? He said that he didn’t kill me when you asked him, but he had every reason not to tell the truth. Plus he’s got my hat.

MICHAEL
Hunter gave him the hat. He didn’t know it was yours. And he can’t keep that kind of lie from me for too long. I’d be able to tell. He admitted to killing Edgar. Why wouldn’t he admit to killing you, too?

AUGUST
If Mikey didn’t do it, then who did? Marissa? Anne? Or maybe Hunter did it himself? [Pause] Did you kill me, Big Bear?

MICHAEL
No, of course I didn’t kill you. You’re not dead. You’re sittin’ right in front of me. You made me supper.

AUGUST
Whoever it was probably did it with that silly little standard-issue O.V.E.R. pistol. Piece of crap. I don’t know why you still carry it with you, Big Bear. I’ve got much nicer sidearms down in the bunker that you can use. If those pea shooters were worth anything, O.V.E.R. wouldn’t hand them out like candy. Say, did you check the house for blood? I wonder where they did it at. I bet Hunter killed me himself and I bet he did it right over there in the living room.

MICHAEL
There weren’t any blood anywhere by the time I bought the place off your family.

AUGUST
C’mon. You’ve cleaned up a mess like that before. You know there’s gotta be blood somewhere. Hunter might have been able to dump me in the ocean no problem but you can’t use time travel to get blood out of the carpet. It’s not in the bed, is it?

MICHAEL
There isn’t any blood.

AUGUST
Can you imagine him? Hunter? Knocking on the door to my house? And of course I let him in. I didn’t know who he was. And then he shot me down in my own living room. He was right here, Michael. In the house. He has been here. Do you really think that you’re safe here?

MICHAEL
Hunter has never been here. We’re safe. Nobody is coming for us. Nobody is dead.

AUGUST
You gotta make up your mind before your mind is made up for ya, pilgrim.

MICHAEL
I… don’t understand…

AUGUST
Are the ribs still good? I liked the first bite the best, I think. Maybe a little too sweet after that.

MICHAEL
I…

AUGUST
Oh! I forgot to thank you for slaughtering the pig for me. I woulda done it myself but I had critters to tend to and you got some experience with pigs, so…

MICHAEL
I-I’m scared, August.

AUGUST
Michael? Is everything alright? Is it the ribs? [Scoff.] I knew that you wouldn’t like ‘em. There’s too much brown sugar. You don’t gotta lie to me to spare my feelings. If you don’t like my cooking, you can just tell me. I won’t get upset.[Pause.] Oh. [Chuckle.] Big Bear, you have a little… stuck in your beard. Here, I’ll get it for ya.

MICHAEL
Hm?… Blood.. It’s blood. Am I bleeding?

AUGUST
[Chuckles.] No, no. That’s just my blood. You found it! You found my blood. I told you that it was around here somewhere. Don’t touch it. You’ll get it all over your hands. Yuck. I hate that smell. Here, I’ll get you a washcloth from the kitchen. Get ya all cleaned up. I’ll be back in just a sec, don’t worry.

MICHAEL
I… uh… what—

We hear August leave for the kitchen, the faucet turning on, etc. Soon after, the doorbell rings.

AUGUST
Shit. I forgot. Can you get that for me, babe? Sorry, I forgot that I told him to swing by tonight. It’ll only take a second.

MICHAEL
Who is it…?

August doesn’t answer. He whistles casually in the kitchen while getting the washcloth. The doorbell continues to ring. We hear Michael stand up and walk over to the front door. The doorbell continues to ring. Michael opens the door. We hear the sound of a bear. Michael cries out in fear and confusion. The doorbell continues to ring and crossfades into the sound of an alarm going off and Marissa talking.

MARISSA
MICHAEL! WAKE UP! MICHAEL! Everyone else is already awake, dipshit.

MICHAEL
[Startled.] August…

MARISSA
You’re the ringleader of this circus. You don’t get to sleep in. And tell me how to turn off this fuckin’ 1930s antique alarm clock. Why didn’t you just use your phone like a normal person? Get up! The rest of us are up! Or are you too comfy? Not all of us got to sleep alone in a bed last night, asshole.

BORIS
Marissa, he is upset.

MICHAEL
[Clearly not fine] I’m fine… I– August…

BORIS
Maybe we should not allow him to sleep in bed of dead boyfriend? Did you have nightmare?

MICHAEL
Yeah… about August…

BORIS
[Chuckles.] You twitch like dog in your sleep, Michael.

MARISSA
Catch any rabbits in your dreams?

MICHAEL
I’m… I’m sorry… Sly… Mike…

BORIS
We have joked too much. It was nightmare, nothing more. Всё хорошо. Come, I make breakfast for everyone before mission.

MICHAEL
The bear…

MARISSA
And if you don’t snap out of it, I’m going to slap you across the face like they do in the movies. Does that even work? Guess we’ll find out. Alright, Michael. 3…2…

MICHAEL
Please. Don’t slap me, Marissa. I’m alright. I was just in the middle of a nightmare and it took me awhile to figure out where I was when I woke up.

MARISSA
Oooh, what kinda nightmare? [Make up a dream that Marissa had to compare it to.]

BORIS
He said “bear.” Do not be afraid of bear, Мишка. If there is bear, bring him to Boris. I am not afraid of bear.

MICHAEL
It was just a dream about a bear.

BORIS
Then put Boris in dream! Problem solved. There will be no more bear.

MICHAEL
Thanks, Boris. I’ll remember that for next time. [Deep sigh.] Sorry. I don’t always respond well to being woken up. Sometimes I don’t know where I am or even who I am. I’m back now. I’m okay, I swear.

MARISSA
You had better be better than okay, Michael. We’re going to war today. You’ve got to lead your troops. Are you ready?

MICHAEL
I’m ready. Let’s rally the troops.

MARISSA
They’re already in the dining room waiting for you to arrive.

BORIS
And for me to make сырники.

MICHAEL
Let’s go.

INTRO THEME PLAYS.

We hear the time travel noise. MIKEY, MICHAEL, BORIS, MARISSA, TY, CHANCE, and SHADOW make discomforted sounds as they arrive in the Flinchite compound. ANNE speaks over an earpiece.

CHANCE [Mild concern.]
Ryan?

SHADOW
I’m here, Chris.

BORIS
Is motorcycle okay?

MARISSA
Yup. Made it in one piece. Rarin’ to go.

ANNE
Testing, testing. Check, 1 2, 1 2. Can everyone hear me? Did everyone make it to the compound?

MICHAEL
Let’s see… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. I count 7 heads. That’s all of us. It’s awful quiet. Ty, shouldn’t an alarm be sounding or something?

TY
Very astute of you, Michael. There should indeed be an alarm sounding right now to indicate unexpected transport within this area of the compound. However, this wing of the compound dealt primarily with Ty Betteridge and our projects and studies, so the person in charge of arming the alarm was none other than Ty Betteridge. I suppose they forgot to pass that duty onto someone else.

MIKEY
Lucky us.

ANNE
That buys us a bit more time until we’re spotted. Can everyone speak one at a time, so that I can make sure that I can hear all of you? I’ve heard Mikey, Michael, and Ty so far.

BORIS
Boris is here.

MARISSA
Howdy, Anne. I’m ready to kick some ass.

CHANCE
Me and Ryan are here, too.

SHADOW
Hi, Anne. Can you hear me?

ANNE
Yes, I can hear everyone. Communications are operating smoothly. Without further ado, let’s get started, shall we? Now, if everyone will face north for a moment–

MIKEY
Which way is north?

TY
If I have my bearings right, that hallway should head due north.

ANNE
I believe you are correct, Ty. If you are all facing the center hallway, the directions are as follows: Team Troublemakers (Marissa and Boris) will take the path to the left to the Ty Betteridge residential area, Team Recon (Michael and Ty) will take the path to the right to retrieve the code needed to open the door, and Team Recovery (Chris, Ryan, and Mikey) will be heading down the middle hallway to Storage in order to input the code and secure Ryan and CANNONBALL. Does everybody understand their orders?

MARISSA
Troublemakers are locked and loaded.

TY
Recon is ready. Right, Michael?

MICHAEL
Lead the way, Ty.

CHANCE
Recovery is ready, too.

ANNE
It sounds like everyone is ready. Troublemakers: remember that your goal is to make it look as though we are here to find and rescue Ty. With any amount of luck, none of you will see a member of the compound during this mission– this area of the compound is mostly boarded up, after all– but if we get spotted, it is vital that they think we are looking for Ty and not working to free Ryan and CANNONBALL. The fewer people who know about them, the more secure they will remain in our custody.

MARISSA
Got it.

BORIS
Yes, yes. We are looking for Ty.

ANNE
Keep your maps handy and be aware of your surroundings. I have a Calculator and I am able to extract you if something starts to go wrong, but only if you know exactly where you are. Mikey has the other Calculator and can extract the Recovery team in case of an emergency as well. Stay quiet on the comms unless there is an urgent issue or until you have completed an objective. And… that’s everything. Good luck, everyone.

MICHAEL
See y’all on the other side.

We hear the motorcycle start.

BORIS
You ready to create distraction, Troublemaker?

MARISSA
Hell fuckin’ yeah, Troublemaker. Let’s ride.

We hear them ride off.

CHANCE
You guys ready to head out?

SHADOW
As ready as I’ll ever be.

MIKEY
I’m ready.

Their voices fade out as they walk away.

CHANCE
You had better not get us killed, Mikey boy. We’re really sticking our necks out for you.

SHADOW
It will be worth it if we don’t have to go on any more of these damn missions.

MIKEY
We’re going to be fine. Anne is on the comms and she would never allow a plan to fail. It would sully her perfect record.

There is a brief silence.

TY
That just leaves us, Michael. What do you say we start walking?

MICHAEL
Lead the way, Ty.

TY
Of course. You will need to prepare your torch for later. Sorry that I couldn’t outline our route in my incredibly informative mission brief, but I am taking you somewhere highly classified and I did not want its whereabouts to propagate all across the timeline. In a few minutes you will be somewhere that no man except for Ty Betteridge has ever been. How exciting.

MICHAEL
I still don’t get how you got all that from a picture of two critters. Are we headed to the… elephant wing of the building… or something?

TY
No, no, no. The first leg of our route will take us through this corridor and into a department called “Retrieval.” I don’t think that’s what your Base calls it. You have “corrections” but what that truly entails can be broken up into a few different subcategories. You can retrieve a person (or object) before an event alters them in order to preserve them in their initial state. Or you can retrieve them after the fact in order to study what effects the event had on it (so not so much a “correction” as it is “salvaging”). Or, and this is more complicated, you can retrieve that data associated with the iteration for the sake of preserving it inside of another iteration. You and I are a sort of “retrieval” of the previous iteration in a way. The Backup Ty that gave Mikey the instructions was also part of the “retrieval” process, meant to catalog the data from that iteration.

MICHAEL
You didn’t explain how you knew to head towards Retrieval based on a picture of a dog and an elephant.

TY
The dog in the picture that Ty sent to Mikey was a golden retriever, of course. It was obvious with the proper context.

MICHAEL
But how did you know that it was even a message for you and not just a picture of a dog that Ty sent to Mikey because he liked it?

TY
The odds would be too astronomical for it to be a coincidence, Michael. Out of all of the pictures on earth, from an internet with trillions of pictures of all possible things, he sent Mikey a picture of an elephant and a golden retriever, something that relates to our plan perfectly and that I knew the meaning of immediately.

MICHAEL
So, what does the elephant mean?

TY
That’s the super top secret part. Years and years ago, our part of the compound was undergoing routine remodeling, reorganization, knocking down old walls and putting up new walls, that sort of thing. Big overhaul. We had the idea to secretly partition parts of our wing to build a secret corridor leading to a shelter that only the Tys knew about. It was hard to budget the space for it, but each of the departments sacrificed a little bit of their area and we were able to cobble together a whole secret passageway within our part of the compound. There is a corridor on this floor that leads to an elevator that goes down into a room that does not have any other entrances or exits.

MICHAEL
Sounds like a fire hazard.

TY
Fire is no match for time travel. Long story short, that secret passage and the elevator and room connected to it are known as The Trunk because of how it twists around the compound like an elephant’s trunk. So, do you get it? The Elephant and the Dog– the Retriever and the Trunk. It’s quite clever if I may say so myself. It should be no surprise that a Ty Betteridge came up with it. And… speak of the devil, we are here. Right behind the false wall. Anne, do you copy?

ANNE
I copy. What’s going on?

TY
Michael and I are entering a classified location. There is a diagram that I slipped into the back of your briefing just before we left. Do you see it?

ANNE
Yes, I see it. This is where you are? This isn’t on any of the other maps.

TY
It is secret and that is where we are, yes. We are headed to the room with the elevator access. If we require extraction, please refer to that diagram to get us out.

ANNE
I can do that. Be careful.

TY
We will. Thank you, Anne. Over and out. [Pause, sigh.] I didn’t want to tell her about it. No offense to Anne, she is highly competent, but that’s one more person who knows and it was difficult enough telling you. Oh, well. There wasn’t much of a choice, was there? If we get injured down here, someone needs to know where we are. So, welcome to the Trunk. We’ll need to turn our torches on until we reach the elevator. There is no light in the corridor, lest the light escape under the wall and give away the secret. Watch your step. The corridor doesn’t stay level with this floor. We’re going to be heading down and around.

MICHAEL
And you’re sure that whatever is waiting for you at the bottom of the Trunk will give us the codes to get Ryan and CANNONBALL out of storage?

TY
Of course I’m sure! You might not believe it, but all of the Tys Betteridge are the same person. Me, Yellow, Green, Blue, all of us. I can imagine them being sent to neutralization and trying their best to correct things to the previous iteration. And they would have come to the same conclusion as I did: the best way to do so without having the power of the compound behind us would be to use Ryan and CANNONBALL to get access to Flinch. And in order to do that, someone would need access to the codes and the Trunk is the safest place to store the codes.

MICHAEL
And what happens to us if you’re wrong? If you missed a step in this convoluted plan?

TY
It’s only convoluted if you conceptualize it as a bunch of different people trying to hint at their ideas to each other. But it’s not that. We are all the same person. It’s more akin to thinking across several different bodies. I have no doubt that what is waiting for us down there is exactly what we need. I can hear you losing trust in me. Do you trust me, Michael?

MICHAEL
I trust ya. I came all this way, didn’t I? I’m just the worryin’ type.

TY
Ah, yes. Ever the sheepdog, aren’t you, Michael? And a sheepdog is constantly worried about his flock. [Pause] But you had better mean it when you say that you trust me because… we are here. This is the elevator that leads down into the secret chamber. If I am right, and I’m sure I am, the next step in the mission is a short ride away. Are you ready?

MICHAEL
You had better be right about this, Ty.

TY
Hmmm, yes. I better had be, hadn’t I? If I’m wrong then I suppose that we’re all dead. And I likely wouldn’t have to wait around for someone from the compound to kill me because I’m sure you’d beat them to it. [Pause.] Would you like to push the button?

Michael scoffs.

TY
Going down.

We hear the button pushed, the elevator doors opening, closing, and the elevator moving.

SCENE TRANSITION.

MARISSA
Weird. So this is where all the Tys used to live. I always imagined something rich and fancy. If I was torturing people all day, the paycheck had better be good. I definitely wouldn’t be living in a place that looks like a shitty college dorm with a whole bunch of copies of myself. Maybe one of them gets to live on the outside and be the “real” Ty Betteridge? And maybe they take turns doing that? They can’t all live here all the time.

BORIS
It is strange. Ty should ask me for apartment. There is empty one next to Michael. [Pause.] Are you ready to blow this place up?

MARISSA
Hell yeah I am. Let’s make a ruckus. Who should go first?

BORIS
You should go first, I think.

MARISSA
You don’t have to ask me twice. Get ready to gun it. Fire in the hole!

We hear Marissa throw the grenade.

MARISSA
Go, go, go!

We hear the motorcycle rev and speed off. There is a large explosion. MARISSA and BORIS chuckle in amazement.

MARISSA
Alright, alright! That’s far enough! Turn off the bike. We’ll duck in here and wait to see what happens.

We hear alarms start to go off as they enter a room.

BORIS
Do you think they will send men to look for us?

MARISSA
I say bring it on. There’s no way they are willing to send enough manpower to fully search every room in a place they’ve already abandoned. If they somehow actually do find us, we’ll start taking ‘em out one by one. And if there’s too many for us to handle, we still have three grenades. Anne, copy?

ANNE
Go for Anne.

MARISSA
The first grenade has been detonated. Should we be expecting company?

ANNE
The whole wing is abandoned, so there is a possibility that it will take awhile before someone makes it out there. The compound will figure out that we were there eventually, though, and we want them looking at you instead of the Recovery team when that happens. Make sense?

MARISSA
Makes sense to me.

FELIX [OVER INTERCOMP]
Attention, everyone. There has been an unfortunate… chemical spill in the Ty Betteridge residential section. In the process of cleaning out the rooms, some chemicals were combined with unfortunately explosive consequences. The area is dangerous at the moment, so please do not enter. I take full responsibility and will see to its cleanup ASAP. Thank you and have a great day.

MARISSA
What the fuck? Who the fuck was that?

BORIS
Anne, do we have friend at compound?

ANNE
Not that I know of. How fortuitous for us. We can figure out what happened later. Just count your lucky stars for now and keep leaving that breadcrumb trail of grenades. Is there anything else I can help with?

MARISSA
Nope. Thanks, Anne. See you soon.

ANNE
Any time. Over and out– [Confused.] Hello?

MARISSA
Hello? Anne? Was that directed at us?

BORIS
I do not think so. She was saying goodbye to us. She is alone at the safehouse, yes?

MARISSA
She sure as hell should be. Maybe she was responding to some sort of technical glitch…

We hear the earpiece crackle back to life.

BORIS
Ah, other team was trying to get through.

We hear the other team:

MICHAEL
Recovery, copy.

CHANCE
This is Recovery.

MICHAEL
We have retrieved the code. Felix, repeat the code back for me.

FELIX
963234663.

CHANCE
Did you get that, Ryan?

SHADOW
[Writing] 963234663. Was that right?

FELIX
That’s correct.

SHADOW
…Who are you?

CHANCE
It doesn’t matter, babe. We got the code. Proceeding the rest of the way to Recovery.

MICHAEL
We’ll start making our way there for extraction. Anne, are you getting all of this?

There is a pause.

MIKEY
Anne?

CHANCE
Anne…? Copy?

SHADOW
Did we lose connection to the safehouse?

TY
We seem to still be connected…

MIKEY
Anne is missing.

CHANCE
Are you sure?

Boris and Marissa speak over sounds of the earpiece.

BORIS
They have found the code, but where is Anne?

MARISSA
Shit. Mikey’s right. I think that something did happen. And she’s got one of the Calculators, too. Shit.

BORIS
Do we change our plan?

MARISSA
No. We don’t have a Calculator. We can’t leave. There’s nothing we can do about Anne. I think the best thing we can do is get shit done and track her down later. She’s a fighter. She can fend for herself. The best thing we can do right now is get the mission done. You ready to drop another grenade?

BORIS
I am ready. Let’s prepare to move.

We hear the motorcycle start.

MICHAEL [EARPIECE]
Troublemakers, do you copy?

BORIS
We are here, Michael.

MICHAEL
What’s your 20? Would you happen to be taking the elevator down into the Trunk right now?

MARISSA
What? No? What the hell is the Trunk? We’re where you ordered us to be, in the Ty Betteridge dorms or whatever they are. The alarms are going off but no one has come to check it out yet. Someone just came on the intercom and took credit for our grenade?

BORIS
I am throwing next grenade. Do you want me to wait?

MICHAEL
We got company, y’all. Someone’s on their way down here and if it ain’t you and it ain’t the Recovery team, then we got a big fuckin’ problem on our hands.

SCENE TRANSITION.

MICHAEL
Here it comes. The moment of truth. You had better be right about what’s behind that door, Ty.

TY
You’ll see.

We hear the elevator door open.

TY
Felix! Is it really you? Thank god you’re alright! Oh, Felix! I worried that I would never see you again. Have you been waiting down here for us?

FELIX
Yes, yes. You are very lucky that you were able to pass your message onto yourself through Mikey. When the other iteration of you told me the plan, I never thought that it would work. I thought Mikey would glance at it and move on. But he was heading to neutralization and we had to act quickly.

MICHAEL
That’s almost what happened. Mikey only brought it up in passing while we were getting everyone together. Still, it’s good to see you, Felix. What do you have for us?

FELIX
Well, was Ty right that you’re back here in order to break Ryan and CANNONBALL out of the compound? Ty stashed me down here with the daily codes to their storage container.

MICHAEL
How long have you been down here waiting for us?

FELIX
Three days, off and on. It’s no big deal. I’ve got everything I need down here. A futon to sleep on, rations, my laptop with a bunch of movies and music on it. Arctic Monkey, a couple western movies, that kind of thing. It’s quite peaceful really, though if it gets too quiet I start thinking about the neutralization and that makes me a bit sad.

TY
Oh, poor Felix. You should come with us when we leave. Surely there’s room for one more in the party, right Michael?

MICHAEL
I don’t think that’s the best idea, Ty.

FELIX
Michael is right. I should really stay here. I don’t want to add another moving part to your plan. It’s impossible to say what simple addition could ruin everything. It’s better to stay here and protect you from inside of the compound. I already had to get on the intercom through the compound’s intranet and cover for your explosion. What was that about?

MICHAEL
Michael and Boris are causin’ a ruckus so the Flinchites think we’re here after Ty.

FELIX
Ah, that makes sense, considering where the explosion came from. I announced that I had spilled some dangerous research chemicals while cleaning up the residences.

TY
Thanks for covering for us, Felix.

FELIX
Don’t mention it. That’s why I should stay behind. Working here is the only way that I can run cover for you. I don’t have any power on the outside. And it doesn’t matter if I stay or if I go. You’re here to fix everything and once you’re done, it will be like none of this ever happened.

MICHAEL
I appreciate the vote of confidence. But I guess we had better get down to brass tacks now. Are you going to give us the code?

FELIX
Obviously. Today’s doorcode is 963234663.

We hear the doorcode conversation from a new angle:

MICHAEL
Recovery, copy.

CHANCE
This is Recovery.

MICHAEL
We have retrieved the code. Felix, repeat the code back for me.

FELIX
963234663.

CHANCE
Did you get that, Ryan?

SHADOW
[Writing] 963234663. Was that right?

FELIX
That’s correct.

SHADOW
…Who are you?

CHANCE
It doesn’t matter, babe. We got the code. Proceeding the rest of the way to Recovery.

MICHAEL
We’ll start making our way there for extraction. Anne, are you getting all of this?

There is a pause.

MIKEY
Anne?

CHANCE
Anne…? Copy?

SHADOW
Did we lose connection to the safehouse?

TY
We seem to still be connected…

MIKEY
Anne is missing.

CHANCE
Are you sure?

The doorcode conversation continues:

MIKEY
I don’t see how there is any other explanation. Anne didn’t fall asleep or go to the gas station to pick up snacks. If she’s not answering, it’s because she is missing in action. We should assume this unless it is proven otherwise. In the meantime, we will continue to follow our plans, we just won’t have a safety net to fall back on. If we do not hear from Anne before it is extraction time, we will extract to the alternate emergency coordinates that were laid out in the briefing. Does that work for everyone?

MICHAEL
10-4. Everyone should stay off the line in case we hear from Anne again.

TY
Those coordinates were Anne’s suggestion, you know. She came up with a great deal of the emergency options.

MICHAEL
That’s Anne for ya. There’s the plan, then there’s the contingency plan, then there’s the contingency to the contingency. After awhile, “contingency” stops soundin’ like a real word. And the plannin’ don’t stop at the mission. If something happened to her, she’s got a plan for that, too.

TY
Very true. The sooner we get out of here to check on her, the better, though, so I’m afraid that we must be on our way, Felix. It was so wonderful to see you again.

FELIX
It was good to see you, too, Ty. I’m sure we’ll meet again, sooner rather than later.

TY
So, it’s off to meet with Recovery–

We hear the elevator start to go back up.

MICHAEL
The… elevator is going back up. Is that supposed to happen? Felix?

FELIX
Don’t look at me! I’m already down here and there are no more Tys. Theoretically, no one else should even know that the Trunk exists, much less make it down to this room.

MICHAEL
Fuck. Recovery, do you copy? Are you getting into the elevator? The one in the Trunk? Somehow?

MIKEY
What elevator are you talking about?

CHANCE
We are still en route to storage, Michael. You should know exactly where we are at. We haven’t seen an elevator and we haven’t changed floors. Is everything alright?

We hear the other side of the Troublemakers’ conversation:

MICHAEL [EARPIECE]
Troublemakers, do you copy?

BORIS
We are here, Michael.

MICHAEL
What’s your 20? Would you happen to be taking the elevator down into the Trunk right now?

MARISSA
What? No? What the hell the Trunk? We’re where you ordered us to be, in the Ty Betteridge dorms or whatever they are. The alarms are going off but no one has come to check it out yet. Someone just came on the intercom and took credit for our grenade?

BORIS
I am throwing next grenade. Do you want me to wait?

MICHAEL
We got company, y’all. Someone’s on their way down here and if it ain’t you and it ain’t the Recovery team, then we got a big fuckin’ problem on our hands.

The sound of the motorcycle bleeding in from upstairs has been getting louder this whole time.

MICHAEL
Hey, Boris? Would you mind doing me a favor right quick? Could you rev the motorcycle for me?

BORIS
Anything for you, Michael. Why am I revving motorcycle?

MICHAEL
I think you might be standing directly above us.

We hear the muffled sound of the motorcycle revving up.

FELIX
They’re up there.

BORIS
Did you hear that?

MICHAEL
Heard ya loud and clear, pard. Boris, someone is comin’ after us. We ain’t got much time. I need you and Marissa to get a safe distance away and drop a grenade on the floor where you’re standin’ right now. It’ll blow up the floor and once it’s gone I need ya to pull us out. Can you do that?

BORIS
I can do that.

MARISSA
You had us at “grenade,” Michael. Boris, I believe it is your turn.

MICHAEL
Ty, Felix, go to the far corner of the room, get your head down and cover your ears. We’re blowin’ the roof off this joint.

TY
You didn’t tell Kaz about the Trunk, did you Felix?

FELIX
Of course not. That would completely defeat the purpose of the Trunk. I don’t know who’s coming down the elevator. Go on, cover your ears, Ty.

TY
Right.

BORIS
Prepare yourself, Michael and Ty. I am pulling pin, countdown: 3, 2, 1… throwing grenade… now. Get back, Marissa! Stay strong, Michael!

We hear an explosion as the ceiling comes off of the secret room.

BORIS
Dust is still clearing. Did it work?

MICHAEL
Yup. I can see daylight up there. Come see for yourself, Boris. I’ll need you to help me up. Everyone alive down here?

FELIX
A couple of scratches, but I think I’ll live. Ty?

TY
No injuries. Just a horrid ringing in my ears.

MICHAEL
Yeah, that’ll happen. Everyone say hello to Boris and Marissa.

TY
Nice to see you again. Can you help me up, please?

We hear TY, MICHAEL, and FELIX, grunt as they are pulled up. BORIS and MARISSA grunt as they help them.

BORIS
Who is your new friend?

FELIX
Hello, I’m Felix. I’m Ty’s assistant. Or I used to be. I suppose I still am, in a way.

BORIS
Nice to meet you, Felix. I am Boris. I am landlord of this cowboy. Would you like a hand?

FELIX
Yes please.

TY
Felix covered for you with your little explosion earlier.

MARISSA
Ah, so you’re the voice from the intercom.

FELIX
Guilty as charged.

MARISSA
Thanks for the help from the inside, man.

MICHAEL
It’s gonna get harder for him to explain why the explosions are still goin’ off. Hey, Marissa, you got any more of them grenades?

MARISSA
Two more, why do you ask?

MICHAEL
Toss one down here to me. I’m going to leave it as a present for whoever is coming down in that elevator.

FELIX
But we don’t know who it is…

MICHAEL
You said yourself that it shouldn’t be anyone at all. It’s not our folks, it’s not you, and it’s not Ty. Whoever it is can deal with the grenade. They ain’t friendly with us. And if we don’t stop them they’ll keep chasin’ us after them doors open.

FELIX
I’m not going to stop you.

MARISSA
Shit or get off the pot, Michael. We gotta hurry.

MICHAEL
Right. Okay, everyone, I’m pulling the pin in 3, 2, 1… and throwing it toward the elevator… now… Boris, help me up. Everyone else get back.

BORIS and MICHAEL grunt. We hear the grenade explode.

CHANCE
Troublemakers and Recon, come in. We heard you on the comms and we heard the explosions. Are you still planning on making it to storage for extraction?

MICHAEL
Unclear. Half the place is tore up at this point.

TY
We could head over to Research. Those rooms are all equipped with the technology to extract us to safety. It isn’t very far and it’s away from the damage. It could be safer. It requires a third party operator, though. Felix, would you like to assist with one final research project?

FELIX
It would be my pleasure.

MICHAEL
Works for me.

TY
Then I recommend we head that way. And if anyone is following us, we won’t bring that heat over to storage for Recovery to deal with. Mikey, Chris, Ryan? Are you comfortable securing the subjects on your own?

MIKEY
What? What if they try to fight us?

MICHAEL
Shoot ‘em.

TY
They will be coming out of long term storage, so they will be extremely disoriented. You should be able to get handcuffs on them before they even know that they are alive. Be ready, though. Entering the code will bring them out of storage automatically. As soon as that happens, bring them under control and prepare them for transport. Then, just send them to the alternate coordinates and make sure that you arrive there with them at the same time. Can you do that?

CHANCE
Sounds easy enough. Ryan? What do you think?

SHADOW
I’m following your lead here, Chris. It doesn’t sound too hard if all I have to do is handcuff someone.

CHANCE
Yeah, no problem. I think we got this. We’ll see the rest of you at the alternate coordinates at the arranged time, then. Recovery over and out.

MICHAEL
Nice to see that’s taken care of.

TY
They’ll be fine. Now, if you wo look out for shrapnel…

SCENE TRANSITION.

FELIX participates in this scene over an intercom.

FELIX
Alright, is everybody ready to get out of here? I apologize, but we need to do this one person at a time. These labs are designed for studying a single subject and their iterations, so unless you all want to consolidate before you leave, you will need to queue.

MARISSA
What do you say, Boris? Want to combine forces and become one unstoppable ass kicker?

BORIS
I say that I do not understand what you mean.

MICHAEL
She’s messin’ with ya. Enough chit chat, let’s get a move on. Felix, do you have the coordinates prepared?

FELIX
They are entered and ready to go. Marissa, would you be so kind as to sit in that chair in the middle of the room?

MARISSA
No prob. I guess this is it. See you guys soon.

BORIS
Goodbye, Marissa.

FELIX
Transporting the subject– ahem– transporting Marissa in 3, 2, 1…

We will hear a short time travel noise every time someone is transported.

FELIX
Success. Who’s next? Michael?

MICHAEL
Seeing it happen to Marissa made me have a flashback to a bad time, Felix. Y’all go. I’ll take up the rear. I gotta get up the gumption first.

TY
Boris? Would you like to go next?

BORIS
Sure. Just sit in chair?

MICHAEL
Yup.

BORIS
Then I am ready. Send me home.

FELIX
Transporting Boris in 3, 2, 1… Great. Two down. Ty, I guess that means that you’re next.

TY
It’s my turn. It’s a shame that you can’t come with us, Felix.

FELIX
I’m sure that our paths will cross again, Ty. Are you ready for the transport?

TY
I’m ready. Farewell, Felix.

FELIX
See you soon, Ty. Transporting in 3, 2, 1… And that just leaves you, Michael. Have you steeled your nerves?

MICHAEL
I been in too many chairs exactly like that one.

FELIX
The chair can’t hurt a big strong cowboy like you, can it? I’m here to help you, Michael. You can do this. Nothing will go wrong as long as I’m at the controls.

MICHAEL
Alright, alright, fine. I’m sittin’. Do it quick before I change my mind.

FELIX [STATIC AND DISTORTION CREEPS IN]
Michael–ready–transport–hello?–what–what is going on? You aren’t supposed to be here… [The audience will hear garbled mess.]

MICHAEL
Felix? Is everything okay in there?

We hear the time travel sound again. Michael lands with a hard thud in a metal box.

MICHAEL
Fuck. Huh? This isn’t the safehouse. Come in, Ty? Marissa? Boris? Anyone? Fuck, my earpiece is fried. Hello? Where am I? …The elevator… Fuck. I’m in the elevator. Hello? Come in anybody? Fuck! Fuck!

We hear the grenade scene from earlier play out, muffled by the walls of the elevator. MICHAEL continues to scream as the door opens and he is killed by the blast.

SCENE TRANSITION.

CHANCE
This is the correct storage room, right? 415-29? Ryan, can you check the instructions for me?

SHADOW
415-29. That’s what you said, right?

CHANCE
Yep. We’re here. Ryan and CANNONBALL.

MIKEY
I wasn’t expecting storage to be so big. I wonder what else they’re keeping in here. Or who else…

CHANCE
I’ve never been less interested in anything in my entire life. I just want to grab these losers and get the hell out of here. Babe, can you read off the number that Recon gave us?

SHADOW
[READ SLOWLY.] 963234663.

CHANCE
4…6…6…3. The numbers are in. Are we all ready? As soon as I hit enter, it’s go time.

MIKEY
I’m ready.

SHADOW
I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s get this over with.

CHANCE
Okay, okay. I’m pushing the button… now…

We hear an odd sound and a door unlock. RYAN and CANNONBALL make uncomfortable noises as they are brought back into the world of the living. CHANCE and SHADOW grunt as they handcuff them. RYAN and CANNONBALL grunt as well.

RYAN
[Gradually less disoriented.] Hey there, Mikey. Didn’t expect to see you here. And who are your friends…? Hey, watch it. Mikey, tell him that he doesn’t have to handcuff me so tightly. Or Topher, for that matter. He has circulation issues. Don’t ya, Toph? You don’t want to hurt him, do ya Mikey?

CANNONBALL
My hands are already falling asleep.

MIKEY
Since you wanted an introduction: Ryan is handcuffing you and Chris is handcuffing CANNONBALL.

RYAN
Small world. Is there a quota you have to meet for people named Chris and Ryan in your life? Nice to meet you Chris and Ryan, though I do wish it were under better circumstances.

CHANCE
Is he going to talk like that the whole time?

CANNONBALL
Yes, he is. Would anyone like to explain what you’re doing with us?

RYAN
They’re leading us out to the middle of the desert to kill us, obviously.

CANNONBALL
If they wanted us dead, they could have left us where we were.

MIKEY
We’re here with an offer.

RYAN
Yeah, it looks like it.

MIKEY
We’re breaking you out of the Flinchite compound on the condition that you do some work for us. We need you to retroactively set up some events to prevent a correction from happening. In return, you will be free from your captivity in the compound. And if you aren’t interested, my understanding is that all I have to do is put you back on the other side of this door and close it and you will go back to being dead. Is that right?

CANNONBALL
It’s not all that bad in there. Quiet.

RYAN
Yeah, Mikey. You should try it sometime.

SHADOW
My patience is running thin. Are you two agreeing to the deal or are we putting you back?

RYAN
What do you think, Toph? They’re asking so nicely.

CANNONBALL
It works out in our favor, as far as I can tell.

RYAN
It sure does. How will you ensure that we don’t screw you over, Mikey?

MIKEY
You won’t have any freedom whatsoever until you attach us to the Flinch technology. Mutually assured destruction. We’ll have the same power as you. We’ll build up our failsafes so that you can’t damage us and you can do the same with yours.

RYAN
And you’ll have to hope that I’m not outsmarting you.

MIKEY
I’ve worked on that a bit since the WOE.BEGONE days. I’m the dumbest person on the team. You’ll have to contend with them and they are much more formidable than I am.

CHANCE
He’s right about that one.

RYAN
Well, I guess what’s important is that you think that you’re getting a good deal here. We accept. Just tell me where to sign. Toph, can you write your name?

CANNONBALL
No, my hands are already asleep.

RYAN
You’ll have to uncuff him if you want him to sign the paperwork.

CHANCE
We’ll uncuff when we’re good and ready. Mikey, it’s time. Are you set up with the Calculator?

MIKEY
We’ll do them first to make sure that it worked and then us. Sound good?

SHADOW
Quickly. Please.

MIKEY
Sure thing. Ryan and CANNONBALL first in 3, 2, 1…

We hear the time travel sound.

MIKEY
Cool, cool. Looks like it worked. They’re still here.

RYAN
What are you talking about? Were you trying to move us just now? I’m still here. How about you, Toph?

CANNONBALL
I’m also still here. What are you doing, exactly?

MIKEY
We got what we needed. Chris, Ryan, if you would please move them behind the storage room door.

CHANCE
Yep.

RYAN
You’re closing the door? You’ve got me confused, I’ll give ya that, Mikey.

CANNONBALL
If you’re going to kill us again, remind Ty Betteridge that he still owes me one.

We hear the door slam shut.

MIKEY
Come in Troublemakers, come in Recon. Are you at the alternate coordinates?

TY
We’re… mostly here.

MIKEY
Did the iterations we made of Ryan and CANNONBALL show up just now?

TY
Yes, they’re right here. We’re dealing with a… medium-sized problem right now. We’d appreciate if you could come back as soon as possible. We’ll explain more when you’re here.

MIKEY
On our way. Over and out.

SHADOW
Sounds ominous.

CHANCE
All the more reason to hurry. Mikey, are you ready with the Calculator?

MIKEY
Adjusting it now. Alright, it should take us there and not make a copy of us. Initiating transport in 3, 2, 1…

We hear the time travel noise.

SCENE TRANSITION.

HUNTER
Welcome back everyone! It is so good to see that all of you have returned safe and sound. There was some dodginess with the extraction on my end, I’m sorry if any of you felt that. I had to call in some assistance from outside of this time period, but it looks like we got it all worked out. Just a smidge of extra maneuvering. Is everyone feeling good? Chris and Ryan?

CHANCE
Yeah. Whatever you did, I didn’t notice…

SHADOW
Everything feels normal to me…

HUNTER
Marissa? How about you?

MARISSA
I feel just fine. It’s good to be back. I was worried there for a minute.

HUNTER
Excellent. And that just leaves Ryan and CANNONBALL. Welcome to the team! I know that you don’t want to be here yet, but I think you’ll warm up to it quickly.

RYAN
Yeah, yeah. We’re at your mercy and all that.

CANNONBALL
Can’t wait to take more orders. [Sigh.]

HUNTER
Glad to hear it. Cheers to a successful mission, everybody. It might not look like it yet, but having these two on the team is a huge leap forward in terms of our technology. They have access to Flinch and that access will allow us to compete with O.V.E.R. and the Flinchites and anyone else who is developing this technology. It has been a long term goal of mine to be able to access Flinch and I have lots of plans for where we should go from here. But that’s for later. Now is a time to celebrate.

SHADOW
Does this count towards our monthly missions quota?

HUNTER
Absolutely. In fact, all of you are free to take the rest of the month off from missions. Your only duties at Base will be to finish up the paperwork from this mission and to keep an eye on Ryan and CANNONBALL. Let’s all take a break and come back in a few weeks rested and ready for Base 2.0. How does that sound?

MARISSA
Sounds good to me.

CHANCE
I think I’m gonna sleep for about 3 straight days.

SHADOW
I’ll be right there with you, Chris.

HUNTER
There’s refreshments in the kitchen. Everybody grab some. You don’t have to stick around, but you don’t have to head out right away, either. Again, great job everyone. You should be proud!

SCENE TRANSITION.

We hear the time travel sound and then a knock on a door. The door opens.

MIKEY
Uh… hi? Who are… you?

HUNTER
Hi there! You’re the new guy that they hired, aren’t ya?

MIKEY
That’s me. I’ve barely set my stuff down. My name is Mike Walters.

HUNTER
Hunter Jeremiah Hartley. You can call me Hunter or Jerry or H or just yell anything in my direction and I’ll probably answer to it. Haven’t got to settle in yet, it looks like.

MIKEY
Not… really? What’s with this odd manual on the desk? I flipped through it and it felt… difficult to believe. Is that really what O.V.E.R. is like?

HUNTER
Oh, no. Not really. I can’t believe they still hand that thing out to newbies. You’re on Tier 1 patrol duty. It’s nothing. It’s as easy as a job can get. A buncha walking around all day. Here, let me show you around your new cabin. And I’ll show you how the dang landline works. Calling other cabins is more complicated than it needs to be. New guys are always calling the wrong people because there’s a system and the system is easy to get wrong, even if you know how to use it. And some of the younguns show up not even knowing how to work a landline these days. Op, looks like they gave you one of the good kitchens, too. Some of ‘em the kitchen is too narrow and the dishwasher door won’t open all the way without hitting the wall if you can believe it. Anyway, if you’ll look right over there you’ll see your standard-issue O.V.E.R. emergency button. See it? Over on that bedside table.

MIKEY
Where?

HUNTER
Over there. See it?

MIKEY
No…?

We hear a gunshot and a thud. There is some silence.

HUNTER [INTO CELLPHONE]
Hey, this is H. He’s taken care of. As long as we’ve got Flinch, I don’t think that we’ll need him again, but I made comprehensive notes in case we need to dig him back up, so to speak. [Pause.] Yeah, no, I think he’s done. That was the last of ‘em, too. No more trouble. Make sure the young one doesn’t catch wind of this. I know they got attached to each other. Should be easier for all of us with no Mike Walters around. Anyway, I’ll see you in a bit to go over plans. Alright… yeah, I’m excited, too. Alright, bye now.

We hear the phone call end.

END THEME PLAYS.